Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be happy with this?

130 replies

Notadoormat4 · 22/08/2024 16:31

DH bought me an expensive present at Christmas. I was very grateful but didn't particularly need it, I get the same equipment from my workplace. Now I need to get it insured in order to use it in the workplace.

I had asked for a few bits that I needed and could've been bought from one shop. Wouldn't have cost more than £30/£40.

He then announced because it was so expensive I wouldn't be receiving any gifts for the next two years for anything - my birthday, Mother's Day, anniversary, Christmas.

We have children.

YABU - he's fine with what he's done
YANBU - he's being incredibly unfair

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
TicklishMintDuck · 01/09/2024 21:03

Nah he’s being a tw8t.

Bearpawk · 31/08/2024 19:10

So you said no you said didn't want it and he bought it regardless? Then he's a twat.
Unless on the off chance he genuinely thought you really wanted it and were being coy?

Veebee89 · 31/08/2024 19:04

Why don’t you just tell him you don’t need it as you can get it from work (so it’s a waste of family money) and tell him to return it?

Very odd for him to decide to buy something you haven’t asked for which he clearly thinks is far too expensive for a gift - so much so it cancels out all presents for the next few years.

Doesn’t really seem like a gift.

JenJuni · 31/08/2024 16:59

Your upcoming birthdays and Christmases are about appreciation, not budgeting.
Even if he gets some £2 daffodils and makes a cake.
To say ‘you’re not getting anything more’ sounds a bit parental, like something my mum would say after insisting on treating me to something, then not being able to handle her own guilt at spending money even though it wasn’t my idea.
It would be good if he’d listened to you, although people are just bad at presents.
Is he a good partner otherwise?

BetterWithPockets · 31/08/2024 07:07

Hatty65 · 22/08/2024 16:44

Given your update he's a twat.

This!

Mugaloaf · 31/08/2024 06:54

TwinklyAmberOrca · 22/08/2024 21:15

@Notadoormat4

It's quite straightforward. He's set the bar so just follow suit!

Buy him the £300 Dyson hair dryer or a washing machine and tell him that's it for the next 3 years!

😂 great suggestion

Mugaloaf · 31/08/2024 06:41

I think even without your update he is in the wrong.

You asked for something, he bought you something else and then imposed a ban. What makes it worse is that you don't need it anyway, so it's not even a nice surprise.

I don't understand his way of thinking.

LouLomumoftwo · 29/08/2024 20:46

tell him to return the unwanted gift, that you didn't want it in the first place and to stop being a twat ......... sounds like he's taking the easy way out of gifting to you really and thats not a very nice quality to have. tell him also that as there isn't any further funds for gifts that includes things for him that aren't absolutely necessary , see how he likes it

fruitbrewhaha · 29/08/2024 13:12

God, a laptop, it’s akin to a hoover. It’s not a bloody present.

ClareBlue · 28/08/2024 23:19

The crux is of course that he asked you if you wanted it, you said no, he ignored you and bought it anyway and then imposed conditions for buying something you specifically said you didn't want.
You've clarified he is exactly what these actions indicate he would be. Controlling, self centred, arogant, disrespectful and selfish. You can only do this if you have these personality traits, because if you don't have these traits you don't buy expensive gifts for someone who has said explicitly to you they don't want it. You respect their decision.

ClareBlue · 28/08/2024 22:58

@Pineappleprep the only person ever to post on mumsnet expressing their desire to receive a gift that measures their day to say exposure to radiation😂😂

Rfthyhuj · 28/08/2024 22:49

I was coming on to say this sounds like the tip of a controlling, abusive ice berg. Pleased you’re getting away from him.

dollopz · 28/08/2024 22:44

Simple. Accept a work laptop top and then gift him the lap top he gave to you. It could be his birthday and Xmas rolled in to one regardless if he wants it or not

Flatdog · 28/08/2024 21:18

I’m sure he is pulling your leg!

OhYeahOhYeah · 28/08/2024 20:41

Notadoormat4 · 23/08/2024 08:06

You've pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Plans are in place already. It won't be too much longer until I have enough for a deposit to rent and buy basic bits that we will need.

Show quote history

Oh that is sad. Sorry you’re not happy, but life is just too damned short to be miserable and feel unloved/unheard/unappreciated.

Good luck making a positive change FOR YOU x

Strangerthanfictions · 28/08/2024 20:23

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 22/08/2024 16:47

Sell it and spend the money on stuff you actually want..

Yip. If this is an electrical item is it something that interested him and floated his boat to buy, weirdly I think people can be like that even if they won't be using it, they just sort of buzz for researching and buying it

Scottsy200 · 28/08/2024 20:20

He sounds a right prick to be honest, can’t you tell him to return it, although he doesn’t seem to listen to anything else you say 🤷🏼‍♀️

OhYeahOhYeah · 28/08/2024 20:18

Notadoormat4 · 22/08/2024 16:56

No point in selling it because he said he will have the money back.

It couldn't be returned as he had it too long to be able to return it after Christmas. I've had it a while now and it only made me think when my sister asked me what I'd got for my birthday, I'd obviously said nothing as I'd got such and such at Christmas.

Was it something he wanted really? Odd to buy something that you’d already said you didn’t want….

Wonder if it was a case of him thinking he could benefit too

beanii · 28/08/2024 20:01

Mazpaz · 28/08/2024 19:30

So what did you actually get for a present
I am being nosy by the way

A laptop if you read OPs posts.

Mazpaz · 28/08/2024 19:30

So what did you actually get for a present
I am being nosy by the way

Ilovecleaning · 28/08/2024 19:05

Talk about strings attached! He’s a knobhead.

GreatMistakes · 28/08/2024 19:03

I'd sell it because it will wind him.up and teach him No means No.

beanii · 28/08/2024 19:02

Several points to this a) if you can get the same equipment from work, it doesn't particularly sound like a thoughtful gift b) again if you can get it from work it was unnecessary c) HE decided to spend the amount of money d) it's better to teach your children that it's not the amount of money you spend on someone - it's the thought and effort.

Material/expensive things don't impress me at all - I'm happy with small quirky things that make me smile or my husband laughs as I love a cute pair of socks - I'm a bit weird though I guess.

Oh and mothers day is for your children to spoil you - handmade card, a cup of tea etc - it's most definitely NOT about money.

Welshmonster · 28/08/2024 18:52

i would get the free laptop from work and then it does keep things separate and let the other one he bought gather dust on a shelf.
it’s a form of abuse. Tell people what he did when they ask. He bought you a laptop you didn’t ask for and announced no presents.
get the receipt so he doesn’t try and claim it back in the divorce!

DottyLottieLou · 28/08/2024 18:35

I'd spend the next few years buying him gifts that you want.

Swipe left for the next trending thread