To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

@Mary28 - It's a party for a 3yr old of course parents will be staying.

Based on the information you have provided, you sound petty and spiteful to me. She has asked nicely in advance of the party. Given the invited child is 3, they are younger than the age of dropping and running. It seems likely her original plan for childcare didn't materialise.

I am usually the first one getting annoyed with posters for not standing up for themselves when someone dumps multiple siblings on them at a party but this case is far from that.

I am perfectly happy for children to be dropped off though. I don’t need parents to stay.

This thread is making me miss the 1970s/80s and I NEVER say that.

There's no wonder society is so fucking lonely, when people are so rigid.

I have pretty good boundaries for real issues, but I just couldn't bring myself to be this (up)tight.

But if you’re inviting dc knowing they have siblings, there’s a high chance they won’t all have childcare on hand for the other dcs. Common sense surely.

I was ready to agree with you but one extra child at a garden party will make no difference.

I think it depends on the RSVP date.

If it's before this, then yes it's fine.

If after, I get that it's a bit rude but honestly it's just a question, OP can just say no end of.

I find the polarising responses in these threads fascinating.

im in the more the merrier camp.

my daughter’s party is next week. I specifically said in the invite to let me know if any siblings are coming so I can cater and enough party bags. Never ever woukd I say no. I like to think I’m teaching my children to be welcoming and inclusive.

im so far from being a pushover but I’m very social able and flexible and don’t overworry about the small things (like having an extra person at a 3 year old party).

Safety issues lol - again, here on Planet Earth 3 and 5 year olds come in a variety of sizes and bouncy castles accommodate both

I used to stress about this. Dh would work weekends and I’d have no one to watch my other children if a parent expected me to bring one dd and stay at a party. So many families can’t do that. Thankfully all the parents were understanding and always included dtds in parties where parents had to stay or they’d look after dd1 and I could take dtds away. Not many people are willing to babysit baby twins. You can of course say no but your planning seems oblivious to people’s normal situations.

I personally think its petty to say no, it's 1 child and its no biggie. You're annoyance is simply being asked. Yeah she should have come at the angle of saying really sorry I can't make it we have no childcare for 5yo. I bet you'd have been accommodating then, so it's not the act of another child being there that's the issue, it's the way it was asked. I couldn't be bothered being uptight about this.

This is my issue.
All my kids parties have been in our house. Space is limited. I also plan for a certain number of kids. Not a certain number of kids plus 5 of their older/younger siblings. I buy the right amount of food, prizes and party bags for the 10 kids I’ve invited. I don’t have extra and I’m not paying for it.
I just think it’s so rude to bring along people who are not invited.

there are a lot of parents out there that simply don’t have the support system, particularly single mums. No I wouldn’t say no - I think it’s unnecessarily exclusionary. Party of 3 year olds - a 5 year old is going to make zero difference and if anything be helpful.

I usually assume some will show up, but ask parents to let me know if they are coming so I don’t run out of food. Don’t normally give the extras party bags etc but will if I have extra.

What does she mean she has no one to watch her 5yr old. Does that mean this mum is staying at the party too? If so then I would let her other child come. Otherwise I don't understand how it makes sense that she has no one to watch her if she's free herself to watch her since she's not coming to the party?

But the mum is asking upfront, it’s not like she’s turned up on the doorstep on the day of the party and asked

It's a bit shitty not to allow one 5yo to a party where you're already having 10 other children plus adults. I do understand not wanting extras and when you say yes to one then maybe others would hear of it and bring theirs too so when this happened to me (the mother was in hospital and the Dad msgd to ask if he could bring the kids sibling) I did say yes but I don't have room for various siblings so not to mention it to the other parents (one mum in particular is known for bringing all 5 kids to any party so I wrote on invites no siblings). He brought the sibling and paid for their entry and meal and ice cream after even though I had asked the venue to include it. He said it was just a life saver that day as the kids needed a distraction from their mums illness and he didn't want to cancel on the invited child so thought he'd just ask.

If parents are staying for the party then it’s not a big issue, providing the parent keeps an eye on their children themselves for any behaviour. The addition of the bouncy castle when a 5 year old is bigger than a 3 year old could cause a safety aspect depending on the behaviour of the 5 year old. Different if parents were leaving child there (in which case I would see why you’d have an issue).

Ultimately it’s your decision, if you do say no you need a good reason, your best bet is to reference safety. I think if it was me I’d say yes but would caveat the safety aspect with a larger child and seek assurance that parent was happy to manage the behaviour of her children (perhaps worded more tactfully than I have here)

I think it would be unreasonable to say no. An extra sibling or 2 doesn't change the dynamic of what's basically a few kids playing in the back garden. She may have had childcare plans fall through. It happens. I always anticipated a few extra siblings at my kids birthdays shit happens, and plans change. Fingers crossed, you have good weather, and the kids have a ball.

I agree, if you say yes to this one and then others ask you can’t say no to them and before you know it everyone could be bringing siblings along.

Say sorry but no, she’s just asked a question which is fine but you don’t have to say yes.

Oh come on! It's a bouncy castle in a back garden, not a high society wedding.

Uptight doesn't even cover it.

I agree it's horrible how spiteful and closed people can be on here.

This person is absolutely NOT a CF for asking a polite question in decent time.

I think that's a bit mean to be honest. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and when ever the 4 year old is invited somewhere the hosting parents are always fine with the 2 year old coming because I stay for the party and look after them both. Lots of people in my area bring the sibling along, it's no big deal.

@DragonFly98
Don't be ridiculous. This completely normal to host events and expect only those invited to attend. I can't imagine your life. Weddings, 21sts, hen do. Random people joining in and you thinking it would be selfish or rude to tell them to fuck off.

Not to mention a 5 year old is miles bigger than 3 year olds. In a bouncy castle in particular, it's not safe.

I would have said yes

I totally agree with that. Also some people only get their shifts two weeks in advance. So can't accept invites until then. I can't believe that she's being called a CF. It's a horrible world many on here in live in.