Excluded from family holiday

Do all 3 siblings get along? Does sibling 1 cause any issues with the family dynamics like alcohol/argumentative/drama?

@notanothernamechange24 me bro and I get on and we are both estranged from our sister. So does this mean our mum should never come on holiday with us?

Of course you have every right to be hurt but I wonder why they are choosing to exclude you? Have you asked?

My parents (divorced) have separately both taken my sister on holiday, paid for it, and I haven’t been invited or given an alternative cash sum or holiday. She’s always somehow been better at getting them to pay for / do things for her. Possibly they are simply closer. I’ve noticed it but I haven’t taken major offence or dwelled on it. It’s one of those things you have to just accept and move on with your own life.

I'd be really hurt too and don't think you're being unreasonable at all

@Everyoneesleistheproblem you have no idea if she has friends to go on holiday with.
I just can't imagine treating my children in this way.

I don’t think it’s fair to say “don’t do big family holidays then as not inviting everyone is unfair”. As you are all adults it’s normal for some people to have better relationships than others and although you say your relationships have improved, I wouldn’t personally want to spend my holiday time with someone I’m just “improving” my relationship with, I want to spend that time without worry of any drama or agg. I don’t think that’s unreasonable as an adult and it does sound like you have a complicated relationship with these people- in which case it’s surely not surprising that a big family holiday altogether doesn’t seem like a great idea?

By not inviting her on a holiday she can't afford to go on, with a sibling she has a history of clashes with?

when in my view you shouldn't have big family holidays if you can't include everyone! It's just plain nasty otherwise

But you are all adults now.

A family holiday is supposed to be nice/relaxing and fun. It's not a right. Clearly they think the dynamics of all 3 kids together won't work and your posts suggest you think so too

I'm amazed you actually want to go on holiday with them. Take the £500 and go with friends. Sounds much better.

I'm sorry this happened. I would be terribly hurt.

@LolaJ87 they have pushed her away.

This isn’t a relationship though it’s a holiday.

A very intense period of time spent very closely together. Often a recipe for disaster, how many things have you heard about where people who previously were close friends or in a relationship went happily off on holiday and returned barely speaking?

For what it’s worth, if this was a family meal, gathering, party etc I would feel entirely differently and would think it awful.

But if there were 20 people in my life I really loved and valued as friends and/or family, I can tell you for sure that there would only be a handful I would even consider going on holiday with. It’s something different entirely.

100% this - you're allowed to have boundaries with ANYONE in your life, no matter what relationship you share.

The thing is though, is that the OP's family haven't cut off a relationship or anything that severe/dramatic, they just don't want her to come on holiday with them.

You now know they don’t want to holiday with you. Knowledge is power! Keep that in the forefront of your mind. Step back (without drama) and use the £500 gut money for something nice. Then go about finding friendships with other people who enrich you better then your family does.

Yes, people don't want awful relationships in any shape or form with functioning adults.

The fact that a parent only wants a relationship with their adult children if they deem it beneficial and enjoyable to them, does shock me.

Absolutely not the case at all.

I feel very sorry for her. However, it’s not helpful to tell her that it’s nasty, evil and twisted that they don’t want to holiday with her. Yes it’s hurtful to hear, but I think it’s far worse to tell her they don’t love her as much, don’t care as much, prefer the others.

I honestly doubt this is the case at all (I can’t say where I fit in this dynamic because it would be outing if someone searches my other posts but I can tell you it’s not the way you’d assume). I think it’s far more likely that the different neurotypes in her family clash and a holiday together would be exhausting for all. They recognise that, she takes that as rejection, nobody is right or wrong but lots of posters telling her it means she’s loved less is not fair and I’m very certain also not true.

I would walk over hot coals for one of my family members, who I love to death and have spent all their lives supporting. But honestly I couldn’t think of anything worse than holidaying with them because it would not be a relaxing time at all. And holidays are, by their very definition, supposed to be relaxing.

The fact that people want relationships with other people that are nice and bring them happiness in the relationship is suprise to you?

@DavidBeckhamsrightfoot that is a genuinely awful attitude to have to your own children.

Dh has the same dynamic.

His sister is always taken on holidays with his parents. If you asked they would say she pays. But she doesn’t, the holiday might say be 3k she will pay £300 and mum just writes it off.

It’s just another part of the favourites in the relationship, such as her children being the favourites as well.

Just got to let it roll, you’ll never change the favourite just make sure you don’t get used at the old age support.

Of course.
Some adults as horrible twats.
Look at all the posts about abusive men.
I'd like to think my son wouldn't become one, and I'd also like to think if he did I'd have the decency to have nothing to do with hi.

Ontop of that if the interactions I have with my adult child aren't pleasant and they are causing drama I see no issue in putting myself first at that time in my life.

Once they reach adulthood they need to know how to conduct their own relationships and the consequences of not managing relationships well.

Sp while some people want to carty on having relationships with theor children. I completely understand many that don't.

Just like children cut off their parents I understand that's a 2 way street.

Yes, exactly this. There are some contemptible bullies on this site, who smell blood at any sign of vulnerability.

This.

Tough

OP you sound quite vulnerable. Be aware there are always posters on MN who appear to enjoy giving vulnerable posters a kicking. Its not you, its them.

Of course you are hurt. You’ve been excluded from a holiday your siblings and their partners are going on.

However, there’s clearly a great deal of tension between siblings. You wouldn’t be referring to S2’s bullshit or not allowing yourself to be ‘bullied’ by them if it was a harmonious relationship.

You don’t get on well enough to spend an enjoyable holiday together, in the view of those going. That’s hurtful. But it also seems a reflection of reality.

Take the £500, treat yourself to something you’d like with some of it and use the rest as a buffer for your finances.

You’ve already said you can’t afford a holiday, could you afford all
the spending money, even if you were included?