Excluded from family holiday

I'm very sorry if any of my earlier posts upset you OP - not my intention, I do sympathise. The link I sent you for a long weekend was because they were all-inclusive (meals and bed) at £169 each - hence the suggestion you took someone with you which would cost £338 with £162 left over and your friend (I know the other parent isn't possible) did transport.
It was just an idea as sometimes a long weekend can feel like the start of a holiday and just give respite you clearly need. I didn't think about days off work, sorry. And this weekend being a bank holiday one, I guess is too short notice for you to arrange a break. You might work weekends for all I know.
I didn't realise the friction between you and your second sibling was one-way, coming from them. Getting a diagnosis but not supported by family or gaslit/told you're neurotypical, is frustrating. In your shoes I just wouldn't engage with that tbh - they seldom change their mind. My parents still struggle to give my child's potential diagnosis (still waiting for ADOS) credence. I've learned to ignore and not get wound up by it.
You either tell them all how hurt you feel or you leave it and reduce contact.
If sibling 2 can treat you like that that's on them. You won't change the dynamic if it is long standing. All you can do now is make your position clear and/or protect yourself.

Your mum has caused these issues in childhood. Playing her kids off one another.
She licks sibling 2's ass - she wants to be her lap dog and this is the kid she has always favoured, I'm guessing you're female and sibling 2 is female also. Sibling 2 female does not like you. Maybe you're prettier. Or she thinks she's better as she has a better job, whatever. Sibling 3 is a male? That's why he gets invited and paid for.
Say nothing to them - don't give them the satisfaction.
Cut them out quietly.
You don't need these people, they'll bring you down.
Better yourself with education, courses, get a better job, for you not for them.

Oh absolutely 💯 it's a time to relax and enjoy you have to want/enjoy the company of the person you are doing with! Sometimes we are unaware of our own faults it doesn't mean the siblings don't love/care about you just that you may inhibit their relaxation. I'd NEVER holiday with my brother ever lol.

They are allowed to prioritize their own pleasure. Then, 10 years down the line, they are allowed to come on mumsnet themselves and wail about how their adult child doesn’t want a relationship with them, even though they were a perfect parent and never did anything wrong.

I can see it from both sides to be honest. I would be very hurt too.
But… I’ve taken oldest DS(now 24) to a festival most years since he was 14. Youngest DS (17) has been moaning for the last 3 years that I don’t take him. I adore both of them but DS2 isn’t into the music and has the attention span of a gnat (ADHD). He becomes bored very easily and would probably want to go home after the first day. This festival is my thing, we don’t go on annual holidays, I don’t go out often so this is my annual treat to myself. DS2 would definitely take the shine off it for me, I know that sounds terrible but he would. I did offer to take him to a different festival headlined by a band he loves and he declined!!

Honestly, people are allowed to prioritise their own pleasure/peace of mind on a holiday.

I have a friend I adore, but whose disordered eating and compulsive exercising means that holidaying with her (whether in the sense of sharing Christmas or going away together) would be deeply unenjoyable. I know this makes her sad, but I don’t think I’m wrong to centre my own preference for a more relaxed time.

The OP’s parent, whatever reason, presumably thinks his or her holiday would be worse if the OP came along.

Me either! If people knew how painful it was, they wouldn’t do it.

OP this is really sad. I don’t understand parents who behave like this. Leaving anyone out is mean. Esp without any discussion. You deserve better xx

They don't have to give anybody anything lol

Also similar to mine. I have many siblings & my mum wanted to take all of us on a beach holiday many years ago at her expense. Mine was the only schedule not taken into consideration, but I was able to negotiate with coworkers for coverage.

Each one of my siblings had a room or suite to themselves and, in the case of siblings with children, had 2-3 bedroom suites with additional living spaces. I was told that I would be sharing with my mum (which essentially means being her servant) and my sleeping accommodation would be a sleeper sofa.

I am not sleeping on a sofa, especially when everyone else is sleeping in large suites with plenty of room for their children. I told them that I would not be going and it caused a big fuss. One of my siblings told me I was selfish, so I said I'd be happy to sleep in her DD's bedroom (in their suite) and their DD could sleep on grandma's sofa, which she found unacceptable. I also said that, if upon arrival, the only option for me was the sofa, I would fly home, because I knew they were discussing just booking it and pretending there was a change in the accommodation at the last minute.

I ended up with an actual bed in my own room. If I could do it all over again, I would have stayed home because I was treated like a second class citizen the whole time anyhow. A couple of siblings have since suggested taking another family vacation and I have declined each time.

It is hurtful, your entire family is invited and you are not. If taking the money would be helpful, then take it. If not, I'd decline simply on principle and make other arrangements for holiday celebrations because they've clearly shown that they don't want you around.

Yes I’d struggle to holiday for 500 too oP; but I could definitely do a spa and fabulous meal ( probably with change). Just treat it for what it is and enjoy as a first rate experience and not a second rate holiday.

Do you often rely on them to help you with money?

Them wanting to save half suggests they don't trust you with it.

If you went on the holiday how would you afford to pay your share of food/drinks/trips?

@notanothernamechange24 it’s sad that you feel so upset about this and yes, it’s definitely not nice to be excluded. I suspect they see it a bit differently as in they haven’t included you. They are different.

With all the best will in the world you obviously don’t have any money and whilst your DP has treated one sibling maybe they don’t want to pay for all of your meals, drinks, travel and spending money? Would you have suitable clothes, passport, cases?

Take the money you have been offered gracefully and do something nice with it and maybe saving the rest is an excellent idea. Perhaps next time they could organise a more local and cheaper break you could all afford and go on an equal footing.

This is a similar situation to my family. It is unbearably hurtful. I am excluded from most family events as the black sheep.

Sounds like it is all just about the money.

I suspect your family would see this very differently.

Relationship between siblings 1 & 2 is strained but not due to lack of effort on siblings 1 part.

I'm not intimidated by sibling 2 which results in sibling 2 not wanting to spend much time with me because I will call out their 🐮 💩.

No I get along well with all of all of them

Myself and sibling 2 have been pitched against each other from the start.

My other sibling treats sibling 2 exactly the same and doesn't get treated like I do 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm not the problem child. I'm the child who has been so laid back my entire life.

These statements don't add up, and I suspect that the others would not agree. I don't think it would make for a relaxing holiday.

I have friends I get on very well with but I would not want to holiday with them.
I wouldn't want to holiday with one couple because their idea of a lovely day is getting up at 6 and hiking into the middle of nowhere and arriving home after sunset.
I wouldn't want to holiday with another because the dh likes to argue about politics and if they start, won't stop.
I wouldn't want to holiday with another because they like to plan everything down to the last moment before they go and won't deviate.
I have another family I wouldn't want to holiday with because they want to cook full three course meals every evening that takes half the afternoon, so they're worrying about getting home not long after lunch.

I like my holiday to be getting up gently midmorning, looking at the weather and making a decision what to do. We come back in the evening when we've had enough and make cook something quick, or may eat out; we'll decide during the day depending on how we feel.

I would hate their holidays; they'd probably hate mine. But we get on very well as friends.

Money they are offering for me for a holiday is about £500 so not really sufficient for me to actually have a holiday!

Yes it is. We've holidayed for less than that as a family of 5 in mid August. You can definitely get something end of September for less than that.

And by offering you £500 they're saying that they care about you, but you are not easy to be on holiday with. That is fair enough. Would you really want to be on holiday with someone you couldn't relax with?

It is reasonable you feel upset.

It is also reasonable for other family members to make arrangements that do not include you.

Not everything in life comes down to a quid pro quo.

You are an adult now.

Life is not fair depending on whose perspective is in view.

Personally, sometimes I avoid opening a Pandora’s box when it comes to family. I accept my own feelings, deal with them and move on.

Right or wrong is not always the way to view certain family dynamics.

I think this post answers your own question op.

We all understand your hurt, but saying something won’t advance anything and I think you know that from the way you write here.

Take the cash, save some but do something nice for yourself ( a spa day with nice meal? ) to tell yourself these are their issues as well as yours and you accept yourself warts and all - even if it feels as though they don’t. Ultimately there is no point not taking the cash and being nice to yourself with it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ The older I get the more I realise self love is important.

I would be hurt too, op.
Do you still live with your parent?
However I'm not sure why you can't holiday with the gifted £500. I've just found 5 nights in Devon,Cornwall or York or 2-3 nights in Amsterdam for that amount. Think outside the box and treat yourself to some sea air or a special trip . . .

You need to be more realistic about the impact you’ve had on your family. I suspect if you started there you would notice a shift.

Sorry should have RTFT, just seen you're sibling 1.