Excluded from family holiday

My brother has a drink problem I'm excluding him 100% op may very well have issues they can't or won't tolerate such as being argumentative who's going to want that on a holiday?

@LolaJ87 what are you implying?

You're like a dog with a bone @Nadeed... it's interesting your posts really increased around the time the OP's trailed off.

Yep so the adult child who is less popular you just exclude?

Yes and they might have good reason to! A holiday is to relax a lovely experience with compatible people maybe op just isn't compatible with them and a stressful awkward holiday isn't a holiday it's a hell pit!

Lots of comments missing the point here. This is about a parent and siblings excluding only one of the siblings.

This is the thing you don't have to be intolerable to everybody but you can intolerable to somebody and I think that's the case! I struggle with my brother I can do dinner and a conversation but certainly not a holiday.

Well, it’s certainly possible that her siblings experience her as difficult to be around for extended periods. That doesn’t make either the OP or her siblings assholes, it just makes them people with a relationship the OP herself describes as ‘strained’.

I love both my sisters, and am separately close to them, but if we spend extended periods together, it definitely becomes difficult as power struggles emerges, competing narratives of our childhoods, suppressed resentments of how we were individually ‘labelled’ in the family (the clever one, the pretty one, the rebel) etc. I would go on holiday with either sister and our parents. I wouldn’t dream of going on holiday with both sisters and my parents.

Option 3 wouid be that op is absolutely intolerable

No its being made clear to you that you are the least favourite.

Op does this dynamic happen on other occasions to? Like Christmas birthdays family meals out?

Peoples attitudes towards family is so strange on here. Saying it’s ok to leave one of your kids out etc. I find it astonishing and not something I can relate to at all. So hurtful and damaging. Unless my kids commit dreadful crimes etc, I will never be leaving one out this way.

I imagine from the Op's posts that if they had a partner themselves that they went away with and a much better income this thread wouldn't exist. I bet the Op woukd be fine with a PIA sibling and a freeloading one going abroad with mum.

I think its more that the Op has had a hard time, earns little for her efforts and hasn't got anyone to holiday with that's the root of the resentment about this situation.

It's a hard one because as with everything there's two sides to every story and then there's the truth. I guess a bit that's strange for me is that £1,000 cash could be life changing but at the same time £500 is insufficient. I think leaving someone out is awful, but then they're either assholes and you're better off without or they're hurting and putting boundaries in place for their own reasons.

But no one is ‘cutting off’ the OP. They’re choosing not to holiday with her next year because of what she admits herself are ‘strained’ relations. She’s clearly had a very tough time with ADHD and cancer, and there’s clearly a huge amount of resentment here, with the OP appearing to know a lot about the finances of both siblings and who’s paying for the holiday she’s not invited on. It sounds like a messy mix.

Yes, they would and have. That’s absolutely fine and no hard feelings whatsoever on either side. They love us, we love them, but that doesn’t mean we all have to go on holiday together or that we would all enjoy a holiday together. Sharing a mother doesn’t mean you have to share holidays!

My own parents have also done this, it’s a non-issue! We all love each other, but loving each other does not equal all going on holiday together all of the time.

Yes that’s all fine and understandable. Would your PIL invite and pay for one child to go on holiday with them and not even ask the other?

Peoples attitudes towards family is so strange on here. Saying it’s ok to leave one of your kids out etc. I find it astonishing and not something I can relate to at all. So hurtful and damaging. Unless my kids commit dreadful crimes etc, I will never be leaving one out this way.

Totally agree with this, it’s life.

You don’t have to go on holiday with people who you don’t want to spend that time with. It doesn’t mean you hate the person, just that you may not have the most relaxing/happy time on holiday with them, and may not have the kind of relationship with them which would make for a nice atmosphere on holiday.

My PIL for example, we would never go on holiday with them. We’re very different people, we have different ideas of fun & relaxing to them, so we wouldn’t go away with them. We don’t hate them, but none of us would have a good time on a big joint holiday. On the other hand though BIL and PIL are very similar, have the same interests, have the same ideas of fun, they do go on holiday together and have a good time!

No, I didn't say I'd cut them off.
And you're wrong, it's not rare to prioritise relationships that work better than those that don't.

It's actually very very common.

That’s because you’re not familiar with the crop of unreformed school bullies who come crawling out of the woodwork every time someone brings up disability, mental illness, or anything that makes them seem vulnerable to anonymous keyboard cowards.

You have made it clear that you would only continue to see adult children if you enjoy their company. Otherwise you would cut them off. Thankfully most parents do not behave in this way.

Can you really not see that a friend is very different from your own children?

I can't believe some of the responses on this thread. Unless a child has done something absolutely horrendous you don't exclude a child or treat your children differently even in adulthood. That's appalling and I'm not surprised the OP is upset.

You sound like you have a difficult relationship with sibling 2 and you're quite scathing about sibling 3 also. It sounds like you weren't asked to join the holiday because of this. Not sure why you'd want to go with them? It doesn't sound like you get on at all.

So academia and doing a PhD or lots of different little courses?