Excluded from family holiday

Take the cash and count yourself lucky that you don't have to go on holiday with them. Sounds like its no skin off their nose to pay for all of them, or to give you the money not to go.

I feel like you've endured the pain - you may as well benefit from the gain.

Their behaviour and their attitude towards your finances is particularly unkind given that you are recovering from a serious illness.

Under the circumstances, I think it's no loss of dignity to take the cash offered and use it for your businesses to gain more financial independence.
Who cares what any of them thinks?

I have a son with adhd I absolutely know he is very very surprised when I inform him that woooooow you was just extremely rude/abrasive back there...

I had this, I wasn’t as attractive as my siblings. Often you get treated shabbily for zero reason and then you get angry. But no-one sees the behaviour that caused your resentment so outsiders just assume you are the asshole.

I just can’t imagine leaving one of my children out, it’s just mean. Even if I had to sit them down beforehand and say “for the love of all that is holy don’t do x”.

It’s different if one sibling is treating a parent to a holiday etc but if I were organising and paying there would be no way I’d leave one of my kids out. Even if they were difficult.

I think your family are behaving very badly by not including you. It's shit and I'm not surprised you are hurt.

I am surprised by some of the replies however.

Bingo

Why is sibling 3 accepting you not being invited

I don't buy it

@BowlOfNoodles sometimes it is as simple as one child has been cast in the least popular child role since very young.
DP has this, because he has a visible disability.

Again their has to be a reason op isn't going to admit that they are argumentative etc they might not even realise!

I just can't understand why anyone would think this is OK, you can't exclude one of your children like this, it's incredibly unfair and shitty!

@DavidBeckhamsrightfoot I hate this - no one is responsible for her feelings phrase. If someone does something mean, it is normal to feel upset. And the person who was mean is responsible.

Not necessarily.
As I said if some of the members have decided to hold boundaries. We don't know their situation.

While the OP is free to be upset, that doesn't mean the others need to be responsible for her feelings.
We just don't know enough.

I wonder if sibling 2 may also be autistic but present differently? It’s easier to upset you if you are laid back but not stand up to sibling 2 for fear of their reaction.

I’m sorry that your family are shit.

Surely you discuss it before with them so they know the rationale. Why let them find out they haven’t been invited and put them through hurt. Even if it’s their ‘fault’. Sometimes it is not what is done but how it is done that is important.

Op, you’ve stated that you are trying to start a new business and the £1.000 would help a lot towards this.
Take.the.Money……
Save the £500 they’re giving initially and then ask for the rainy-day £500 at a later date and explain your business idea.
If you’re going to be in business, you have to be business savvy and turning down £1,000 is not being business minded.
Good luck!

If you have an obligation to your DC then you don't just have an obligation to one; you have an obligation to them all.

In this case it could well be that parent knows that #2 needs a relaxing break which she won't get when her sister who she doesn't get on with and likes to "call out" is there. And by the way op is insisting that it must be all #2's fault, I don't think the parent is wrong.
So if she insists #1 is invited, then she's failing #2.

I also note that the op is saying that she can't afford to not just pay for herself, but also she can't afford to take a holiday from work, so she's not just expecting them to pay for her; she's expecting them to pay her to go too!

And the OP can be hurt.
But unless we know the background we don't know whether or not it's a justified decion.

Even if invited she couldn't go. So maybe they don't want the drama.
What's the point in inviting someone to something amazing, you know damn well they have to say no to. Not out of not wanting to be there but because of their own circumstances.

People can do what they want. But not inviting one child out of three without any prior discussion, is usually going to be interpreted as hurtful by the child who is left out.

What a silly and pointless insinuation. Do you think you are being clever?

Some people get invested in certain topics. So what?

Well of course not. But not inviting one child out of three, who really wants to come along seems just mean to me.

I have no desire to go on holiday with my parents.

But I would find it really odd if they invited my sibling and not me

And you're more than welcome to hold that opinion and follow that belief with your own children.

But your opinion is not fact or law and no parent is obligated to do something they don't want to with their adult offspring.

That you keep repeating the same narrative when even the OP wasn't claiming that was the family dynamic at play.

The facts as confirmed by the OP:

• They have a strained relationship with Sibling 2
• Sibling 2 and Parent planned the holiday
• Sibling 3 is being subsidised by the parent to join the holiday as they are in full time education
• The OP can't afford a holiday
• The OP can't afford time off work even if given money for a holiday, they don't get holiday pay
• The parent helped to support OP last year when OP had cancer
• The parent has offered money to the OP for a different holiday and some cash for their savings pot

So this sounds like this holiday isn't a good fit for the OP, she can't afford it and would likely clash with Sibling 2, which would ruin the holiday for everyone.

You believe this means that the others shouldn't holiday together, which is your opinion and you're entitled to it, but I disagree and OP's family obviously feel the same. That doesn't mean she's unloved, as her parent has obviously been very good to her when she needed it.

I think as a parent you have an obligation to your children.

Nobody is missing the point.
Most are in agreement that as adults they aren't obligated to spend time they don't want to with someone. Especially during what is an expensive and relaxing experience.

None of us know if its simply a basic clash of personalities, which means no one is at fault.

Or if one party has done something that means the other can't have them around.

But blood doesn't equal obligation.