Excluded from family holiday

Are you the oldest child?

I’ve got an older sibling with ASD and ADHD, and as much as I love them, I couldn’t ever ever go on holiday with them, because they’re always so volatile. Every time they go anywhere, they come back and have a moan about something going wrong and that it’s everyone’s else fault. If I said maybe it might be them, I think they’d write me an essay on how I’m in the wrong, pick out all my flaws and become resentful.

My parents go on holiday with them, but they have never invited me. I’d suspect they have ASD/ADHD too.

If I’m totally honest, I’m fine with that. No problems at all. I had too many things ruined/spoiled growing up because of meltdowns.

I would say I have ADHD so I do get some things - but I am also very laidback and like to just have a peaceful time if I’m going away. I’ve always been independent.

I’d take the money and run, but this isn’t about the money, it’s about the rejection. However, I would work on maybe ways of managing your finances better - put this energy into finding a career or a job that you’ll be fulfilled and find money, then you’ll be able to go on holidays. It is doable to have ADHD and learn to be good with money.

Most definitely! Even finding ya keys can be a nuisance 😂

It’s a great word, one I don’t often use but I really should! It’s not too negative. It sums up the OP’s description and I do really feel for her because you can find yourself in a nuisance of a situation without being a nuisance yourself.

I'd say hoooooow dare you offer me £500 for a few donkey 🫏 rides in Blackpool stick it darling and then I'd give them a cheeky little block 🚫 lol

Yes even a situation can be a nuisance it's a versatile word 😂

Clashing siblings create a nuisance. While I don’t see that the OP is a nuisance or a problem, if the dynamics between her and 1 sibling are off, it is going to create a difficult environment. I cannot imagine the OP would enjoy a holiday.
That said, if I was the parent, I just wouldn’t holiday with 2 of my 3 children. I’d maybe take 1 at a time and just try not to highlight the fact that the dynamics don’t work as a whole family. Even if a child is a “problem”, I wouldn’t want them to feel like it.

Family dynamics are complicated. I can see why you’re hurt. That said, would you even want to go on holiday with them? It sounds like a bloody punishment!
I think parent was trying to be fair by offering you money. It is really unfortunate that it doesn’t cover a holiday as you don’t get paid leave. I would absolutely take the money and use it for whatever benefits you the most.

Yes I can see that. On balance I think they are at ease with themselves just for offering it though.

Yeah I wouid say bury that money where the sun 🌞 don't shine!

But they can throw the whole BUT I paid for a holiday for you at her fuck your money says you've really hurt me.

I'd text her to keep her money and enjoy her big family holiday. Then I'd block her and siblings and ghost them. I wouldn't speak to them again.

I appreciate that's an extreme response though. I totally understand why you would be hurt OP. Its not about the money or the holiday. It's about being excluded and unwanted.

I’d definitely take it😀

Resentment can grow from nuisance situations lol regardless of all this if somebody didn't want me on their holiday I'd switch to radio silence and I'd decline the guilt money!

There can be issues like resentment, guilt, jealousy that are all complicated in families.

My first language isn't English btw but I'd say I'd they was delighted by op's company they wouid invite her if not there was a nuisance incident/incompatibility issue/ that they found to be problematic/a nuisance

@Calliopespa excluding a nephew is very different from excluding your own child.

But we don’t know op is a nuisance. There’s lots of reasons people don’t want people present. There is another thread where the op is trying to exclude her nephew from a trip and many posters suspect it’s about jealousy that her DB is getting it paid for as well as that the parents wont just come with her Dc as the sole attraction. Families have complicated dynamics.

It's a fair question tho! I'd rather wipe with a cactus 🌵 than invite my brother on a holiday with me ( love him btw enjoy lunch together ) but no way with a pay good money to holiday with him because he's a nuisance

Rude. 😛

Surely you discuss it before with them so they know the rationale. Why let them find out they haven’t been invited and put them through hurt. Even if it’s their ‘fault’. Sometimes it is not what is done but how it is done that is important.

The Op hasn't mentioned how the holiday was presented.
Given they are all adults with their own lives outside "the family" its important to remember some families aren't invested as others.

It may have been Sibling 2s idea. As the only other adults in the situation aside from the mum, who can both afford the cost and time of a holiday it's not unreasonable they decide the terms. The siblings that are expecting others to subsidise them have to go along with it. Maybe it was't actually meant to be a family holiday but a chance to get the couple together and mum got an invite out of kindness ?

You've had some constructive criticism and ideas 💡 that you don't seem to appreciate becausg you've first looked to find fault!

Aldo skips over anything polite/sympathetic and goes into defensive mode a total vacuum of joy I can grasp that even on here!

As I said you may not know! Ask an genuine friend if they've ever perceived you being blunt. Good night lol