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AIBU?

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Huge row with DH over food safety - who is BU?

405 replies

namechange294824 · 22/08/2024 13:44

NC'ed on the off chance this is outing!

DH and I are both 34. We've been in the process of moving house over the past 2 months, and are finally in a position to have guests in the house (i.e. we have a dining table and chairs). Moving hasn't been without its challenges and there have been some really stressful bits, but on the whole it's been fairly straightforward, and we don't have kids.

Invited DH's parents (mid/late 60s) to dinner on Tuesday night. I offered to cook. I prepared a starter, a main, and a dessert on Monday night, ready to go in the fridge for ease of serving quickly on Tuesday (I was going to be getting in from work only 20 mins or so before they arrived so it made sense to pre-prepare.) I spent 3.5 hours cooking/baking on Monday, which wiped out my entire post-work evening. No drama; I'd offered to do it, and I enjoy cooking.

But throughout this 3.5 hours DH could not help himself from repeatedly putting his head round the door and being critical - why hadn't I done X? Was I going to bother putting Y in the bin or is it going to be left on the side forever? So on, so forth. I asked him to stop, and he didn't. He probably whinged at me 5 times about separate trivial things whilst I was cooking.

The main dish needed a long while in the oven. It was 9.15pm at this point and he had totally exhausted me with his bitching and griping. I told him I just wanted to shower and go to bed and asked him to take the food out of the oven once the timer went off, which would have been at 10pm.

He did that. But he then failed to put it in the fridge, leaving it out overnight on the countertop. He was watching telly until about midnight, well after the point it would have cooled enough to go in the fridge.

I was so furious in the morning that after a night of whinging and sniping at me he'd not even had the thought to properly put away the food I'd spent so long cooking.

His position: the food's fine, it had foil on it anyway, just crack on and serve it tonight

My position: it's a meat dish (with pork in) and I don't feel comfortable serving it to his parents who are in their 60s after it's been left out overnight in the middle of August

He cancelled the dinner plans, and told his mum it was because we'd had an argument (which we had, I guess, but now I feel really humiliated and almost ashamed that their evening was spoiled because of us).

So... who is BU?

OP posts:
GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:30

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/08/2024 15:26

That's a US link, judging by the spelling of 'flavorful'. As many have already pointed out, there are different hygiene considerations over there because of their factory farming methods and other systemic differences from the UK.

I also see a major difference between cooking something in the oven, turning the oven off and taking the food out at (say) noon on a boiling hot day, leaving the meat out in a very warm room for many hours and only then putting it in the fridge - vs taking it out of the oven at 10pm, leaving it in the unheated kitchen overnight with the room temperature dropping all the time, and putting it in the fridge at about 6am.

Okay well read some UK sites if you want to.
They will tell you the same...

Casseroles taken out of the oven (meat) should be chilled as soon as possible. This is to stop bacteria growing in warm conditions ( regardless of the temp in the room.) Cooking doesn't always kill all bacteria in food and it can grow again if left at a certain temp.

If it's reheated at a certain temp and you use a meat thermometer to test it, then it may be okay.

But it's a risk. Take it yourself if you want to but don't risk your guests.

Turophilic · 22/08/2024 15:30

The meat was fine, it just needed popping in the fridge in the morning. It needed to cool down completely before going in the fridge, which wouldn’t have been the case last night.

It was a high of 12°C last night in the Midlands, for those going on about summer temperatures.

American food safety standards have to be higher than U.K. because their food production standards are so low. That’s why they need to refrigerate eggs and we don’t, for example.

Peonies12 · 22/08/2024 15:30

I leave food out overnight all the time, it's not exactly hot weather. Never get ill. You both sound like massive drama queens though, what a mad way to live.

voiceofastar · 22/08/2024 15:30

Igneococcus · 22/08/2024 15:02

If this pork was in the oven for quite a long time, long enough that all pathogens that potentially come with the meat are killed, which pathogenic bacteria do you think will grow in that brief window of time that pork dish (covered, I assume) was sitting on the kitchen bench unchilled?

If it was covered in the oven, and the food wasn’t uncovered or touched after being removed from the oven, then it should be ok.

Otherwise, Staph aureus, either airborne or from handling, would be the most likely candidate

CurlewKate · 22/08/2024 15:28

But he was definitely a dick!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/08/2024 15:26

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:19

That's a US link, judging by the spelling of 'flavorful'. As many have already pointed out, there are different hygiene considerations over there because of their factory farming methods and other systemic differences from the UK.

I also see a major difference between cooking something in the oven, turning the oven off and taking the food out at (say) noon on a boiling hot day, leaving the meat out in a very warm room for many hours and only then putting it in the fridge - vs taking it out of the oven at 10pm, leaving it in the unheated kitchen overnight with the room temperature dropping all the time, and putting it in the fridge at about 6am.

CurlewKate · 22/08/2024 15:26

In a cool kitchen I would be fine with putting it in the fridge first thing in the morning when it was properly cold.

Why is them being 60 relevant?

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:25

ScribblingPixie · 22/08/2024 15:24

How is this about you?

What?

I'm replying to the posters how think the OP's husband should cook because they are his parents.

I'm pointing out that some couples share chores and it's not odd for one to do the cooking .

Is that okay with you?

CowTown · 22/08/2024 15:25

What would happen to a restaurant’s food safety rating if they were found to be leaving cooked meats out overnight?

ScribblingPixie · 22/08/2024 15:24

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:21

This is so silly.

The OP says she likes cooking.

My DH can hardly cook a thing.
He's brilliant at DIY, decorating, anything electrical, car maintenance, etc.

I am a good cook. I like cooking. I cook for us and guests.

How is this about you?

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:23

Movinghouseatlast · 22/08/2024 15:21

60's is not 'elderly'!

If you're late 60s and end up in hospital with food poisoning you may be worse off than a 34 year old, with recovery times.

namechange294824 · 22/08/2024 15:23

We aren’t in Athens (I wish!) - we’re in Birmingham Grin

OP posts:
GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:22

sunsetsandboardwalks · 22/08/2024 15:18

Pork is no more dangerous than any other meat.

But also, it's hardly been a boiling hot August. It was 10 degrees here last night.

Maybe read and learn before you post?

Movinghouseatlast · 22/08/2024 15:21

Zimunya · 22/08/2024 14:23

As others have said, choosing to eat it yourselves is fine - it's your risk. Serving it to other guests, particularly elderly guests, is not fine at all.

What a shame that all your great efforts were wasted by him. Please have a serious converstaion about entertaining expectations for the future. He really needs to start being more considerate and pulling his weight more.

60's is not 'elderly'!

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:21

ScribblingPixie · 22/08/2024 15:19

Why did you offer to do everything while he basically supervised you? I'd learn from that and not set myself up for that scenario again. He sounds as if he got completely stressed out about his parents coming over and would have been better keeping himself busy.

This is so silly.

The OP says she likes cooking.

My DH can hardly cook a thing.
He's brilliant at DIY, decorating, anything electrical, car maintenance, etc.

I am a good cook. I like cooking. I cook for us and guests.

sandyhappypeople · 22/08/2024 15:21

I would have eaten it myself but I wouldn't have served it someone else (other than DH) just in case.

I'd have rang your MIL myself and told her the real reason her son rang to cancel though, and re-arrange, but arrange it on a day where you aren't rushing round so much, or just have something simple!

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:19

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/08/2024 15:15

What's wrong with re-heated pork?

Pork is one of the worst meats to reheat.

studyplex.org/blog/can-you-reheat-pork/#:~:text=Avoid%20reheating%20pork%20more%20than,can%20lead%20to%20food%20poisoning.

ScribblingPixie · 22/08/2024 15:19

Why did you offer to do everything while he basically supervised you? I'd learn from that and not set myself up for that scenario again. He sounds as if he got completely stressed out about his parents coming over and would have been better keeping himself busy.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2024 15:18

Rosscameasdoody · 22/08/2024 15:08

Why would it have wiped you out if there was nothing wrong with it ? It stood out for a few hours while it cooled down. Potentially it would have done a lot more harm if you’d put it in the fridge hot or warm.

My stomach has got more sensitive as I've got closer to 60. I took a chance on pork left out in May and it went through me, coming out both ends. I could have easily eaten it when younger. I'm also finding I need antibiotics to shift chest infections. Which is why if serving anyone around 60, ask them. It should have went into the fridge when cold.

sunsetsandboardwalks · 22/08/2024 15:18

Nanny0gg · 22/08/2024 14:50

Because of the potential for food poisoning.

It's pork...

Pork is no more dangerous than any other meat.

But also, it's hardly been a boiling hot August. It was 10 degrees here last night.

Igneococcus · 22/08/2024 15:18

You do realise you’ve got all the armchair experts googling like mad now don’t you !! Stay tuned for the smarty pants that finds one !!

My suggestions are lactic acid bacteria but they don't make you ill they just make the food taste unpleasant (faster in starchy food than something proteinaceous like meat, not over night, I've grown the feckers) or fungi but they take a few days to get going.
It really depends how long the meat was cooked for initially but quite long by the sounds of it.

GreenGrowtheRushesOoooh · 22/08/2024 15:18

It's a bit surprising to see so many posters unaware of basic food prep and cooking.

It's not a good idea to leave a MEAT casserole out of the oven for 8 hours IN AUGUST then reheat it.

Some, or most of the time, you will get away with this but there will be a time when you won't.

So it's not worth the risk giving it to people over 65.

OP you should have sent him out to buy a meal deal or whatever .

His cancelling was the worst of all of this because really, he was at fault for ruining the dinner.

gamerchick · 22/08/2024 15:15

If it was winter and the kitchen was freezing then I'd might take a chance. Not in the summer.

Well you know for next time. You don't cook or he does, or he can buy a takeaway. He's a dick OP.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 22/08/2024 15:15

Staunchlystarling · 22/08/2024 15:14

I’d not want reheated pork never mind reheated pork left out all night. Jeez. It’s good you both cancelled, although his childish reason was simply embarassing. He’s like a child.

What's wrong with re-heated pork?

thebrollachan · 22/08/2024 15:15

You should have bought a ready meal to replace that element of the meal for the three of you, but made him eat the dish that had been left out, as an experiment.