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Original poster

Huge row with DH over food safety - who is BU?

405 replies

namechange294824 · 22/08/2024 13:44

NC'ed on the off chance this is outing!

DH and I are both 34. We've been in the process of moving house over the past 2 months, and are finally in a position to have guests in the house (i.e. we have a dining table and chairs). Moving hasn't been without its challenges and there have been some really stressful bits, but on the whole it's been fairly straightforward, and we don't have kids.

Invited DH's parents (mid/late 60s) to dinner on Tuesday night. I offered to cook. I prepared a starter, a main, and a dessert on Monday night, ready to go in the fridge for ease of serving quickly on Tuesday (I was going to be getting in from work only 20 mins or so before they arrived so it made sense to pre-prepare.) I spent 3.5 hours cooking/baking on Monday, which wiped out my entire post-work evening. No drama; I'd offered to do it, and I enjoy cooking.

But throughout this 3.5 hours DH could not help himself from repeatedly putting his head round the door and being critical - why hadn't I done X? Was I going to bother putting Y in the bin or is it going to be left on the side forever? So on, so forth. I asked him to stop, and he didn't. He probably whinged at me 5 times about separate trivial things whilst I was cooking.

The main dish needed a long while in the oven. It was 9.15pm at this point and he had totally exhausted me with his bitching and griping. I told him I just wanted to shower and go to bed and asked him to take the food out of the oven once the timer went off, which would have been at 10pm.

He did that. But he then failed to put it in the fridge, leaving it out overnight on the countertop. He was watching telly until about midnight, well after the point it would have cooled enough to go in the fridge.

I was so furious in the morning that after a night of whinging and sniping at me he'd not even had the thought to properly put away the food I'd spent so long cooking.

His position: the food's fine, it had foil on it anyway, just crack on and serve it tonight

My position: it's a meat dish (with pork in) and I don't feel comfortable serving it to his parents who are in their 60s after it's been left out overnight in the middle of August

He cancelled the dinner plans, and told his mum it was because we'd had an argument (which we had, I guess, but now I feel really humiliated and almost ashamed that their evening was spoiled because of us).

So... who is BU?

OP posts:
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Tandrew · 30/08/2024 16:35

As long as you heat up the dish so that the core temperature holds for 2 minutes minimum at 74 degrees centigrade, all potentially harmful bacteria should be killed.

Phoenixfire1988 · 28/08/2024 16:17

I would of stopped cooking when he started with the comments and told him to cook the fkers himself I'd also tell his parents exactly why plans were cancelled and that's because their son is a massive twat

Phoenixfire1988 · 28/08/2024 16:16

AnotherCountryMummy · 22/08/2024 13:50

You're both being unreasonable.

He's BU for bitching and having a go at you when you were doing something kind for his parents.

You are BU for being annoyed with him for not putting it in the fridge, if you didn't give him instructions to do so.

You're both being unreasonable for cancelling and him moreso for telling them it was because of an argument.

I'd want a pork dish to be in the fridge too, for the record.

Sorry what ? You're saying a grown ass man needs to be told to put food in the fridge are you being serious ?

RachTheAlpaca · 27/08/2024 17:50

I'd definitely still eat it, but I seem to have a stomach of steel
Each to their own.

The bigger issue here is your husband. Why is he criticising you when he was too lazy to cook for his own parents? Sounds like he left the food out to be spiteful too

Emmz1510 · 27/08/2024 17:30

Like others have said, I wouldn’t have thought it would be cool enough to refrigerate that soon after cooking. It would raise the temperature of the inside of your fridge. I would have thought refrigerating it in the morning would be fine. Many times I’ve made stuff like chilli or bolognese sauce or even soup during the day and forgot to refrigerate what was in the pot at the end of the day and I’ve never had any issues. Just make sure to reheat thoroughly. As long as good hygiene was used while cooking and the meat itself was fresh/ not off and it was kept covered then I’m sure it would have been fine. Your kitchen can’t have been that warm surely unless the heating was on overnight?
Your OH was a total prat while you were cooking. However I do think you needed to make it explicit that he needed to put it in the fridge if that was what you wanted although I’m not convinced it was needed.

Loobyloot · 27/08/2024 17:19

I leave meat out for two days and still eat it. Been doing it 20 years and never died. I would absolutely have fed that food to the in laws. Honestly, food doesn't spoil overnight. Putting hot food in the fridge is the worst thing you can do because it heats up everything in the fridge, then your milk will go off.

Makingchocolatecake · 27/08/2024 11:07

It would have needed to cool down before going in the fridge.

If I had spent hours making something I don't think I would have trusted anyone else to take it out of the oven for me.

Thirstysue · 27/08/2024 09:19

If I have understood correctly, you wanted him to put hot food in the fridge? Probably worse than leaving the food out overnight.
And 60s isn't ancient, we've all got decent enough immunity and hardly likely to make anyone ill. Or dead.

TheBerry · 27/08/2024 09:14

AnotherCountryMummy · 22/08/2024 13:50

You're both being unreasonable.

He's BU for bitching and having a go at you when you were doing something kind for his parents.

You are BU for being annoyed with him for not putting it in the fridge, if you didn't give him instructions to do so.

You're both being unreasonable for cancelling and him moreso for telling them it was because of an argument.

I'd want a pork dish to be in the fridge too, for the record.

U gotta be joking, she shouldn’t need to tell him that a cooked meat dish needs to go in the fridge. He’s a grown man. How does he not know this.

ARR84 · 27/08/2024 08:42

AnotherCountryMummy · 22/08/2024 13:50

You're both being unreasonable.

He's BU for bitching and having a go at you when you were doing something kind for his parents.

You are BU for being annoyed with him for not putting it in the fridge, if you didn't give him instructions to do so.

You're both being unreasonable for cancelling and him moreso for telling them it was because of an argument.

I'd want a pork dish to be in the fridge too, for the record.

I agree with your comments but not about her not telling him to put it in the fridge. As a grown adult, he shouldn't need to be told that.

Iamthemoom · 27/08/2024 07:56

Any other August you're right but my kitchen is like a fridge at night at the moment so I would have put it in the fridge in the morning then been sure to serve it piping hot!

TruffleDaisy · 27/08/2024 07:54

I do this often - leave food to cool overnight and fridge it in the morning.

This is such a non event, but your DH being nagging all evening would have annoyed me.

And him cancelling was ridiculous, you could have got take out, and him blaming you having a row was downright unnecessary.

moodybluehpc · 27/08/2024 07:47

Next time he does the cooking and you do the bitching and griping. Easy option.

TheKeatingFive · 27/08/2024 07:38

milkysmum · 27/08/2024 07:34

I frequently leave food out over night and eat the next day, this would have been a non event for me.

Until you get thrown in jail, obviously 😉

milkysmum · 27/08/2024 07:34

I frequently leave food out over night and eat the next day, this would have been a non event for me.

simmertime · 27/08/2024 07:04

Thanks for the clarification greg. I assume you'll be retracting your previous statement about domestic cooks any moment now:

"their mistaken belief could result in prosecution or legal action"

🙄🤡

gregaliara · 27/08/2024 04:28

TheKeatingFive
Cant read my post 17.01

TheKeatingFive · 26/08/2024 17:31

gregaliara · 26/08/2024 17:01

This is what I said "With your "I would have fridge it next morning " (holly shit) food handling breaches of UK law in a restaurant you can be fined up to 5,000 pounds and face up to 6 months in prison. Fortunately you hopefully don't run a restaurant, just a family home and the health authority gives you permission to poison your own family but will nail your butt to the wall if you do that to the public.

The OP is cooking in family home and all comments referenced cooking in a family home until you brought restaurants into it. Any sane person will understand that doing something domestically versus commercially will be different.

gregaliara · 26/08/2024 17:01

This is what I said "With your "I would have fridge it next morning " (holly shit) food handling breaches of UK law in a restaurant you can be fined up to 5,000 pounds and face up to 6 months in prison. Fortunately you hopefully don't run a restaurant, just a family home and the health authority gives you permission to poison your own family but will nail your butt to the wall if you do that to the public.

TheKeatingFive · 26/08/2024 16:16

gregaliara · 26/08/2024 15:56

Pretty extraordinary that people cant read what I said no one can be prosecuted for food poisoning in their home good grief read.

This is what you said 🙄

when the regulations in their own country make clear their mistaken belief could result in prosecution or legal action as detailed here.

gregaliara · 26/08/2024 15:56

Pretty extraordinary that people cant read what I said no one can be prosecuted for food poisoning in their home good grief read.

Flowerpower70 · 26/08/2024 14:36

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/08/2024 11:07

I understand there have to be very strict rules for commercial premises but what a huge amount of wasted food that must have led to.

Yes! It was.. The rules are very, very strict. Have to check all cooked food and record in log book before serving. We constantly temperature probe checked the food. Monitored fridges. No chilled food out of fridge for more than 20mins, if longer it was wasted. If at wrong temp even 1 degree the whole lot would be wasted. There was sometimes chickens that didn't sell or fell apart all wasted on rotisserie. Sometimes whole cheeses or joints of cooked meat wasted if they were not at right temperature or missed during date code check the next day. Worst was when customers dump chilled food on shelves, because we didn't know how long it had been out of the fridge, it had to be wasted off as it could have been out the fridge more than 20 minutes. 😭 So there was often quite a lot of waste..

TheKeatingFive · 26/08/2024 11:47

I am sick of lecturing people on mumsnet who make up an unscientific belief when the regulations in their own country make clear their mistaken belief could result in prosecution or legal action as detailed here.

Its pretty extraordinary to me that you don't seem to be able to distinguish between what happens in private homes versus commercial premises.

No one is going to be prosecuted for leaving a casserole out of the fridge overnight in their own home.

Maddy70 · 26/08/2024 11:09

You asked him to take it out while you were in the shower

Given that instruction i would have done the same assuming you want to leave it out to cool before you put in the fridge after your shower

Why didn't you put it in the fridge?

Why didn't you ask him to put it in the fridge before he went to bed?

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/08/2024 11:07

I understand there have to be very strict rules for commercial premises but what a huge amount of wasted food that must have led to.