to not do anything for dh birthday because he doesn’t do anything for mine?

Can you buy something for the house that you want? A new picture, garden furniture, wine glasses? Or make him a photo book with pics of the kids? Treat yourself!

He should celebrate your birthday with you because he knows it’s important to you. You should not force a celebration on him when he’s told you he doesn’t want one. You are literally both as bad as each other.

If it's not a big deal for him don't.

I would have something stashed away just in case like a dinner reservation though and a bottle of something suitable.

It's not just about his preference though is it? It's about the OP's too, and the fact that he doesn't care that she'd like a fuss made of her birthday. It's mean.

Maybe be open about the fact that people have different preferences and it's good to respect them?

My husband is like this. He says he doesn't want anything or to celebrate but then sulks when we don't make a fuss!

This is what I think. Ditch the attempts to change his attitude. Have fun with your children and friends on your day, and just be open about the fact that your husband is a 'birthday scrooge'. Presumably he has redeeming qualities or you wouldn't be with him?

In my case they are learning to be considerate of other people's feelings and to respect those even if they are unusual. They know that we celebrate their birthdays and Daddy's and 3 of their grandparents' birthdays but not Mummy's or their other Grandad's because we don't like it.

Don’t do anything, he’s been very clear he doesn’t want to celebrate his birthday. You explain that to his mum if she asks. If you have repeatedly told him that him not doing anything for you for your birthday is upsetting you, and he still does nothing then yous have bigger problems. Your partner should care about how you feel, he is showing you he doesn’t.

If your birthday is important to you, OP, redirect the energy you would have spent celebrating his and organise your own party/outing with your kids and good friends. Find people who share your birthday energy!

I don't really celebrate mine anymore but love it when friends organise things for theirs and am always happy to turn up and have a few drinks or a meal out.

Ditch the fun sponge and hang out with people who bring you joy.

Asked him if wants anything for it and he said no

There you go, @Appletreebee - he has told you clearly and unequivocally that he doesn’t want to do anything for his birthday. Job done.

Some people hate birthdays, hate reminders they are getting older, CBA with any of it. Others are just uninterested.

Whatever the reason, there’s no need for you to do anything.

If his mum asks again, “he said he’d rather not.” End of discussion.

What a miserable existence for you and your children.
You would be right to do absolutely nothing for him.
What a loser.

What sort of total cunt complains about the type of cake their children choose for them?

Does he have any redeeming features?

You've asked. He's said no. Take him at his word.

My DH isn't interested in birthdays. He will make a fuss over mine and DDs etc because he knows we like it. But I asked him once what he wanted for a milestone one and he said not to acknowledge it. We didn't, except for a present and he was actually happy.

I think it's down to the person. So if you enjoy birthdays, he should celebrate yours. But if he doesn't want to do his, then let him not do it.

I don't fall for this nonsense of milestone or big birthdays.

Do the same as if it was any other birthday. I'd support you doing little other than saying Happy Birthday.

Yeah, I've changed my mind now that the dripfeed has revealed he's not wanting anything.

He's told you what he wants - nothing.

Give him what he wants. Make him happy by respecting his wishes.

If he forget other peoples birthday that would be ok but he remembers his mother and sisters every year so I do feel like I am singled out as the person that he can forget about.

What a knob he is.

Definitely stop all effort for him. And for Father’s Day and Christmas as well.

Have you asked him why he treats his mum and sister better than he treats you?

Oo

He doesn't listen when you say you want a celebration, and you (before this year) didn't listen when he said he didn't. Sounds like you should focus on communication skills between each other instead of hiding behind the issue being a specific holiday.

I always organise my own celebrations - l expect dh to attend - if itnis a family meal for example but if left him to make the plans, l think l would be bitterly disappointed as we are on different pages altogether.

Maybe the reason he does nothing for your birthday (despite you having told him you want a fuss) is because despite him telling you he doesn't want anything you insist on celebrating/making a fuss?

Perhaps if you respected his choice then he'd respect yours?

Tell him you're taking him at his word. It'll take some of the anxiety from it.

If he doesn't likes to celebrate just dont do it.

But it doesn't justify that he knows you do and he puts no effort on it. 😑

The dad is not getting what he wants, any more than OP is.

OP's children will hopefully realise that talking to other people, rather than making assumptions about what you think they should like, can be a very powerful thing.