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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband has secretly given kids an e-scooter

134 replies

PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:09

The title says it all really. I found out from a friend last night that my kids have an e-scooter and that at least one of them has been using it while I'm at work. It turns out DH bought it for them on Saturday and decided not to tell me.

I've always said absolutely no to getting one because they're illegal to use on the road and (in my opinion) very dangerous for kids to be on. Our kids are 14 and 17.

If I put my foot down and make him get rid of it the kids will be upset with me, but I don't want to allow them to use it either. I don't know how to handle this and I'm absolutely furious that this has been done behind my back.

So, AIBU for being so angry with DH or is it no big deal and do I need to chill about it?

OP posts:
betterangels · 22/08/2024 12:17

Does he often not give a fuck about your opinion and does what he likes?

housethatbuiltme · 22/08/2024 12:13

Your child is 17, an adult... I didn't even live at home at that point.

You and your DH are allowed to individually gift people things, that gift is between them and the receiver. You cannot steal from someone just because you are their mother/wife. You can be 'mad' at your husband for feeling wronged, give him the silent treatment or even break up if you want (then he really could allow your kids to do anything he wants on his parenting time) but you can't change peoples legal rights or take things that aren't yours.

You can attempt to put rules in place like no riding on roads/public area (since its illegal anyway if it gets confiscated because they broke the law it sounds like thats what you want anyway) but you do NOT get to sell it, give it away, hide it, lie about it, confiscate it, hand it to police (they aren't illegal to own) etc... that people are batshittedly suggesting as its not your property.

TheHighPriestess1 · 22/08/2024 12:07

Wahine24 · 22/08/2024 11:48

@PortaRoast Then bring it in the living room just propped in the corner , wait for your husband's response

This !

Abigaillovesholidays · 22/08/2024 12:05

Slighly off topic but I would be more concerned about it being a fire risk. A house on my road burnt completely down because of an e-scooter which was left on charge overnight. On that basis alone I wouldn't have one!

Scarletrogue · 22/08/2024 12:02

Book your DH on a hang gliding course - he obviously loves taking risks.

Original poster
PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:58

@MonsteraMama Love your username - I too am a monstera mama!

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 22/08/2024 11:55

I actually think I'd tell my husband either he gets rid of it and tells the kids it's because he's had second thoughts and realised it's not safe (and doesn't bring me into it at all), or I'll be leaving. I cannot stand this kind of sly bullshit in a relationship.

CowGirl19 · 22/08/2024 11:51

I think you need a serious discussion with your husband about why he thinks its ok to a) undermine your authority with the kids and b) include the kids in a secret kept from you.

Has he ever pulled this kind of shit before? Is he always the "fun" Dad?

I agree with your opinion of the scooter itself though - they can be very dangerous and are obvs illegal unless you are on private land. And also charging it in the garage without your knowledge is another risk.

I'd be getting your husband to take it away and he has to explain to the kids that its been taken away because in hindsight he shouldn't have given it to them in the first place.

Gilbertwasawuss · 22/08/2024 11:50

Edingril · 22/08/2024 11:28

Is the garage a secret?

Show quote history

OP has made it known she doesn't want them having one.

Husband purchased one.

They only use it when she isn't home.

Connect the dots.

Wahine24 · 22/08/2024 11:48

@PortaRoast Then bring it in the living room just propped in the corner , wait for your husband's response

Original poster
PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:46

SmallTownWay · 22/08/2024 11:42

I wouldn't be happy if my partner was hiding things from me, or went against my wishes. Presumably the kids have been told by him not to tell you as well which I'd have a big problem with too.

Apart from that, where are they using them?

Our kids do have them but they only use them on our property. They've used them for years with no accidents.

I know my 14 year old has been using it on the road. We don't have our own land.

I've just asked him about it and apparently DH told him it's fine as long as he is wearing a helmet.

OP posts:
SaintHonoria · 22/08/2024 11:44

Sorry I used the C word!

Those things are a ghastly menace and your husband is awful to buy it.

I would brazen it out and be the big meanie rather than lose all respect and secretly get rid of it and pretended you don't know what happened to it.

They will all know it's you.

SmallTownWay · 22/08/2024 11:42

I wouldn't be happy if my partner was hiding things from me, or went against my wishes. Presumably the kids have been told by him not to tell you as well which I'd have a big problem with too.

Apart from that, where are they using them?

Our kids do have them but they only use them on our property. They've used them for years with no accidents.

Wahine24 · 22/08/2024 11:41

@PortaRoast can you move it to a friends house? Wait it out .Feign ignorance .

Original poster
PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:37

Obviously it wouldn't have stayed a secret for long. I would have gone in the garage and found it sooner or later so I don't think there is a big conspiracy to keep it hidden. To me this just adds to the lack of respect shown to my opinions - no one cares.

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 22/08/2024 11:33

Edingril · 22/08/2024 11:28

Is the garage a secret?

Show quote history

Do you often go in places you have no need to just to check what's in there?

OP clearly says she has had no need to go in there so it's a great hiding spot.

Wahine24 · 22/08/2024 11:31

@PortaRoast If you know where the charger keys etc are, stick it on gumtree /Freecycle it will be gone before dinner ( delete your internet history!)

Edingril · 22/08/2024 11:28

Gilbertwasawuss · 22/08/2024 11:25

Leave DH and they can use it at his house.

I despise parents who tell children to keep secrets from the other parent.

He is making you the bad guy and undermining you.

Is the garage a secret?

Original poster
PortaRoast · 22/08/2024 11:28

Gilbertwasawuss · 22/08/2024 11:25

Leave DH and they can use it at his house.

I despise parents who tell children to keep secrets from the other parent.

He is making you the bad guy and undermining you.

This is exactly how I feel. I've started this thread here because I wondered whether others would think I'm totally overreacting. The childish deviousness of DH has really upset me.

OP posts:
worrisomeasset · 22/08/2024 11:28

Your DH is a complete and utter arsehole.

Moonshiners · 22/08/2024 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ghastly people use the word Chav.

coffeenootropics · 22/08/2024 11:27

i will take a punt that this is just one issue amongst many in a fundamentally unhappy marriage?

AnywhereAnyoneAnyTime · 22/08/2024 11:26

Get rid of it while they’re out. As you “don’t know about it” they won’t be able to say anything.

comedycentral · 22/08/2024 11:26

OP he should have discussed it with you first & respected your wishes as a parent!

Gilbertwasawuss · 22/08/2024 11:25

Leave DH and they can use it at his house.

I despise parents who tell children to keep secrets from the other parent.

He is making you the bad guy and undermining you.