What sanction is appropriate?

He's in that grey not a child not an adult area. Personally I'd say I don't want you to vape. If you must vape then not in the house. Be mindful the vaping might be a coping mechanism for an underlying issue. How does he seem - depressed/anxious at all? By removing this crutch he will find another.

OP, you say, “He's obviously addicted and 'fitting in' is his priority.”. Every teen wants to “fit in”, and if his mates all vape, you have no chance of stopping him. You can forbid him from vaping in the house, but he WILL vape outside it. As for stopping all money - that way disaster lies. Do you want him to be caught shoplifting because you’ve deprived him of all money? Do you want him to get himself into trouble/end up being ostracised by his friends because you push him into a situation of having to borrow from his mates? Freedom in life includes the freedom to do things of which you strongly disapprove. You can point out the dangers of vaping; you can say he absolutely may not do it in your home because of your health issues - but in the great scheme of things, vaping is a fairly minor infraction - and teens do rebel. I’m a lot older than you, but I can remember doing things my parents most certainly would not have approved of at that age. So tell him you know and disapprove; insist that he doesn’t vape at home - and leave it at that.

Does it sound to you like OPs way of dealing with that concern is proving terribly effective?

You do know they are unregulated and dangerous? To have no concerns whatsoever shows a fundamental lack of parental caution about your child's health.

Then clearly your Comms are not based on truth if he lies, lies, lies and the narrative you want to live by doesn't fit the reality. Perhaps that's what you need to be exploring here. Without seeing this as a personal attack, why doesn't he feel he can be honest with you in spite of your mantra? That's the real issue here. Not the vapes. Work on the theory that if he wasn't lying about vapes he could just as easily be having a spliff and lying about that instead. Why doesn't he feel able to be truthful with you? Is it possible your 'mantra' is being perceived as being suffocating and not being received the way you thought it was? So he has weak lungs. You know vaping isn't going to be terribly helpful, so do I. But maybe what you think has been a great way to forster an open relationship with your teens is coming over to them as something completely different and so impossible to live by that they just don't tell you the truth. Essentially, with kindness, could you just be banging on so much because of his lungs now that he's just lies because you won't give it a rest? Put the vape aside just a moment and look at the dynamics here. Clearly what you perceive as a great way to nurture an open relationship with your teens has become something completely different to at least one of them.

Unfortunately at his age, going nuclear won't help. It will probably have the exact effect you don't want - more vaping in secret. It also sounds like you've previously gone nuclear and it hasn't worked, because he's still doing it and lying to you. And if he's hooked on the stuff, he probably can't just give it up.

Honestly, I understand the concern, but this is meant kindly, your hatred of vaping is your stuff, not his. You can't expect a teenager to not vape simply because it's a pet hate of their parent - that's just not how teens work!

I'd be more inclined to have a "concerned about your health/the dangers/disappointed you hid it and did it in the house when you know how I feel about this" chat than going straight in with the punishment. He thinks he's adult enough to vape, he's adult enough to know about the dangers and understand respect for someone else's home. If he's not willing to stop, then all the punishment in the world won't work. And if he is not willing to stop doing it, you have the right to lay down some rules such as not vaping at home/around you/changing his clothes and brushing his teeth after vaping so it doesn't stink out your home, if this is something he really feels he must do.

He may find it less exciting if he has some kind of permission, sometimes there is a thrill for teens in "getting away with it". It may also be less convenient for him if he has to leave the house to go do it.

He's probably anxious about his results. Even if he was trying not to vape, this was the time he was most likely to crack and have one. The fact that he didn’t even hide it well, is evidence of stress.

Turn a blind eye to it. Celebrate his results. Focus on everything about him that you’re proud of today - not just academics, what are his other good qualities? Make this a day that’s about all the ways you love him.

There’s plenty time to deal with vaping later - but your instincts to avoid it today are correct.

You're treating him like a child and he's responding like a child.

You need to ensure he's aware of the dangers/consequences. Ban it in your house. Stop pocket money if you wish. But ultimately his body his choice.

Personally I'd tell him u will discuss it Friday.

He's 16, before long he will be having a part-time job & his own money. Once that happens, you will have no control on what he spends it on. You have just blown all the open communication in your relationship by turning out his room & are planning on going nuclear on the weekend he gets his GCSE results, what if he doesn't get the grades you want, will you go nuclear over that? You can stop him vaping at home, but all you will do is make him not want to be at home so he can do as he wishes & then potentially end up in trouble. I would rather my son was at home safe & vaping than wandering the streets where he could get in trouble.

Rogue female has it so correct you just don't like the truth

@Hughareyoulookingat I have a great open relationship with my teens. It's based on truth and not lies. I can deal with truth, even if I don't like it. They know this. It's our mantra.

The truth is he likes vaping, and you can't deal with that truth so he lies.

He's not going to stop vaping. He doesn't want to.

He's just going to keep lying. You can't control him. Even if your reasons are compelling.

Qsorry but you really are over the top .I have never drunk alcohol for religious reasons my children did and do I can't control them I tell them my stance my love is not conditional on them doing as I said even when they did it under age we spoke they knew I was disappointed but I never went mental no point .thank your lucky stars they are not smoking cigarettes at £15 a packet

I think your expectations are unrealistic and you can’t have everything you want. Your son cleary wants to vape and being honest with you about this is not an option so he lies and here you are. So which would you rather? Accept he vapes and have honesty? Or have him lie and hide it. You can’t control him at this age. I’d accept it, you’ve made your stance clear and hope it’s teenage stuff and he grows out of it.

I'd be inclined to support him and instead educate around the dangers of vaping and nicotine use. Going nuclear will only make him hide it again in the future.

Do you tell everyone the truth?

Of course teens are going to lie about things.

Didn't we all lie about things as teenagers?

You said that you've previously lost your shit and thrown out everything in his room

Your behaviour sounds extreme and worrying

I don't know. I just think if my teenage daughter was vaping, I wouldn't freak out.

I would also realise that i can't control her.

I would gently try to guide her by explaining that vapes are bad for her.

Your style seems to be:

Control: Punish.

Which is not healthy

Well look at your other behaviour.

Do you realise that you can't control another human being?

It's not possible to do so.

No matter how many times you tell him you don't want him to vape, he will do it if he wants

Are you not overreacting a bit about a vape?

Realistically you can't stop him from vaping.

You can't stop another human being from doing anything.

Even if its YOUR house, in that you own it, he also lives there. You can set guidelines and give advice.

But there is no possible way to control another human. As you have already found out

I've said the answer.

Don't do anything on gcse results day. As that in an important day

Punish him with what sanction you want on the next day.

Its not that big of a deal

Surely the answer is obvious.

I would ignore it altogether on gcse results day as it is a special day.

If you must punish him, punish him on the next day.