What sanction is appropriate?

That’s kind of my view.

Previously, I've lost my @#£&. I've turned his room upside down. I've thrown out anything I've found. I've talked, explained, pleaded.
I don't blame you for doing this at all or think you're controlling and this would be a red line for me too. You say the lie is the worst bit, how would you react if he was truthful about vaping? Expecting truth IG he knows you'll go off on one in response to the truth really isn't a resaonable expectation.

It’s not ideal but it’s not a crack pipe. I think you’re over reacting and he sounds like a good lad. If this is the worst he’s doing then you’ve been very lucky.

I have teens. I'm not keen on vaping but would turn a blind eye on results day and not even mention it.

Not knowing how vapes work is there not a safery concern that he is falling asleep with one in his hand or do they just turn off?

He knows you found it (or will do) so he may bring it up. Say you will talk about it tomorrow. I think withholding his allowance and grounding him is the way to go. If you do it every time he is caught then at least he won't be doing it at home.

It’s unfortunately an entirely age appropriate thing to do and it’s not indicative of anything other than doing what many 16 year olds have done for millennia.

however, you can set boundaries. You can tell him he clearly has too much money If he can spend it on vapes so you’ll stop his money and make it extremely clear that if he’s going to vape then it’s absolutely 100% not going to happen in your house

To be honest, I expect it will pass like it did for those of us who smoked (I didn’t) and there’s not a lot you can do about it

It’s not legal until 18.

I wonder what the replies would be if OP found him with 20 Regal King Size?

He is 16 turning 17 next year. His body his choice.

Any sanction you wish to impose should center around respect and funding his choice . If he does not want to respect his body by vaping things like not paying for his gym membership etc may work but grounding etc at this age is nit appropriate. Stop giving him money to spend on vapes.

Hope he gets the GCSE’s he is hoping for. Today is for celebration.

I thought along the same lines too. These things are designed to be addictive after all.

If he’s anywhere near as stressed as my 16 year old about results day he’s probably been using the vape as a crutch which explains why he fell asleep with it in his hand. I’m going soft with age clearly because my first thought was bless. Only because results are today and there seems to be a lot of stress about it, at least with my daughter and her friends. Mine isn’t sleeping properly and is incredibly anxious.

1 in 6 vapes confiscated in schools during a study by Bath Uni contained Spice.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx92z0452jgo.amp

I think I’d talk to him about that , and I’d be querying whether he is knowingly or unknowingly at risk - and therefore might need more help to stop.

You can get zero nicotine vapes. I know they're unregulated and I agree there's not enough research about them to know what damage they cause.

My 16 year old has been vaping and he naturally decided to stop. He knew I hated it and I tried to encourage him to stop but in reality like most have said you can only guide and possibly set boundaries ie no vaping in the house!

Yes perhaps talk to him and see the strength he's on and talk about trying lower strength. You can also get sort of sensory chews in the shape of a vape top to help. I'm not entirely sure what they are but my step daughter has one and says it really helps.

What about dealing with the practical fact that presumably he will be addicted to nicotine?

I totally recognise why you're cross, but presumably you need to fund/facilitate him obtaining some nicotine replacement products to wean him down off the nicotine or he's going to feel dreadful and therefore be more desperate to go back to it.

Unfortunately I do suspect that at 16 you will be fighting a losing battle if he decides he wants to vape, but it is absolutely legitimate to insist he can't do it inside the house.

Your challenge here is that he is already addicted so no amount of sanctions is going to change that. If he’s cut off from all source of vapes he’ll go cold turkey and withdraw. Your house will be an awful place to live for a while. You need him on board with stopping vaping and then he should get advice from a cessation service. It won’t be easy.

What have other people's parents got to do with it?

Previously, I've lost my @#£&. I've turned his room upside down. I've thrown out anything I've found. I've talked, explained, pleaded. this is why he lies. Yes you have your reasons. No one wants their kid to vape. Your reaction is so incredibly extreme. I don't know if there's a "how to talk to teens so they'll listen" book like the toddler one but it might be an idea to seek this out, or counselling- it's a tough gig this parenting lark. Best of luck.

This. At his age you can't punish him into submission. You can however say no pocket money if it's being spent on vapes , he'll have to get a job. And continue talking to him about your concerns fir his health.

I thought the title was something to do with universal credit.
It all sounds a bit extreme, searching room, throwing stuff out.
He must feel welcome in his own home.

I'm not sure you needed to go into his room at all
The door was banging so you just close it.
Id never dream of just going into my teens rooms in the middle of the night like that

Like you say, there are some bonkers replies here.

Giving up nicotine only succeeds if the person wants to stop vaping/smoking. Not because their parent booked an appointment and tried to force them to cooperate.

I’m personally a fan of natural consequences. If I was going to put down sanctions for this mine would be no more allowance- I’m not giving my kid money to spend on something I know and they know I really bloody hate.

That said, I wouldn’t be going nuclear about vaping. And if I felt as strongly as you do about it I wouldn’t bother going mad about the lying- your teenager chose the path of least resistance/self preservation by lying to you. I know I’ve done that before, definitely at that age.

It is actually worth considering this viewpoint.

Presumably he’s 16 and it’s legal. All you can really ask is that he doesn’t vape around you or in the house.

I wouldn’t like it either, but it’s not anyone else’s decision at this point.

My son is 17 and told me the other day how many of his sixth form colleagues vape. He also added that he’d noticed that it was the sons and daughters of really strict parents who vape.

I’m not saying he’s spouting research led data here but I thought it an interesting observation nonetheless.

But, give him opportunities to earn freedoms back.

If his mates are all vaping, what are their parents doing about the situation? Are they also concerned? Do they know?

OP, there are some bonkers replies here.

Today, take the vape. Destroy the vape. Do not take away from usual GCSE results plans. BUT do stop funding his vaping, by taking away his allowance (though talk about this on Friday).

I would also, on Friday, see if you can book an appointment with a stop smoking/ addiction team through your local NHS. If he is addicted to the nicotine in these vapes, you may need to look at patches/ gum to support him coming off the vapes.

Good luck.