What sanction is appropriate?

My mum threatened to kick me out of her house over far less.

EG going to a party she didn't approve of. She'd say to me go to your fucking party but don't come back here.

It's only in adulthood I realised this isn't normal and that parents like her and the OP are dreadful.

You’d threaten to kick your 16 year old out of the family home over vaping? Bloody hell.

@Hughareyoulookingat I hope you find some kind of common ground with your son. I think most of us by the time our kids get to 16 or so have some mad parenting moments where we don’t react in the best way. Maybe some of that is because it’s new to us too. I definitely have with my daughter who is my eldest- just not about vaping.

Also your son is probably shitting himself right now looking for that vape. That might be punishment enough…

Amazing OP, that's a great way to deal with it. Your son will be grateful to you for that ❤️

SparklyJadeFawn,

Are you just goading, or are you still at school, and explaining parental rights to us?

Vaping would be a line crossed for me too OP especially in the house. I think stopping his pocket money for a bit so he can’t buy vapes is probably what I would do in addition to a conversation about why he has crossed a line.

Did anyone see the documentary on Vapes? It was on meridian, during the news.
Police checked on the vapes confiscated at school, I have forgotton the percentage, but it was, I think, 4 in 10 contained Spice.
I'd also be concerned about the other contaminants in a vape. Where are they being purchased? Is it a reputable dealer?

It is not a “human right” to smoke an vape while under legal age limit! Ridiculous hyperbole.

Errrr no,,

parents need some control over their kids. If hes under 18 living in her house...also vaping which is a disgusting, potentially harmful habit, she should as a mother put something in place.

this is why kids are such R soles these days! They get away with everything!

If you postpone punishment until Friday, all you’re doing is creating an atmosphere of fear and it’ll still ruin today. The ‘wait until your father gets home’ approach.

He’s 16. Old enough to do many things. His choice. But it’s your house so you can stop him doing it in the house. You cannot control and force him. Just guide and set your boundaries for your house.

No vaping in the house. His choice to do what he wants outside.

I do think you should address the elephant in the room today and say you'll talk to him tomorrow. My anxiety would be through the roof if I thought you could pounce at any time today.

IM MY HOUSE doesn't mean you own him.

You can refuse to give him money, you can insist that if he is going to do it that he does it away from the house. But you can't actually stop him. It's the hard thing about parenting teenagers. You might know better but they still get to make choices when you aren't looking.

In your shoes I'd ignore it, celebrate results day and think about it at the weekend. Even if you can just agree that he doesn't do it at home then it's still cutting it down and more realistic and it gets you on the same team.

What are your general expectations? Does he help around the house? How is his attitude generally? Or does he just get money?

Any techniques to deal with (minimise) your own responses when this sort of stuff happens when parenting?

Exactly what you have done. Walk away, calm down, get advice, the approach it calmly.

Most of us have lost it at some point, we are human, but the greatest advice I have ever had is that things don't need to be dealt with in the heat of the moment.

I'm glad you decided to drop it for today.

Tomorrow have a calm chat with him about it all. You know he still vapes, you're disappointed he lied but you also understand why he lied given your line in the sand. You disapprove of it because of x,y,z. Explain your reasons calmly, factually and rationally (oooh my god you're gonna die like your grandfather! Type of thing doesn't work)If he wants to keep doing it, that's his choice , but not on your property (so not in the garden either) and you won't be funding it either, so his allowance will be smaller.Any vapes you find lying about (not in his room/pockets etc) will be thrown away. If he wants to stop, you're happy to support him in any way and look at nicotine replacements. Then tell him that you love him, this is hard , but you won't let it come between you and one way or another you will both move past this.

We were so lucky Dd was on a sleepover when we found them and we had a night out with wise friends with older teens so took a totally different approach to the rant and rave I would have done. Counter productive and relationship damaging. Plus we have friends who would dream of vaping being their worst teen issue. Put it in perspective.

That was my mums method of parent. Scream, shout, punishment, ban things, right up to 18 and older.

I got the IT'S MY HOUSE... OK but did you expect your kid to live on the street. You paid for the house but its their home and they can't afford to be anywhere else.

You don't get to treat a child like shit in their own home because you pay for it.

Do you realise that you can't control another human being?

Sure - but she can say "I will no longer provide the money for you to do something harmful to your heath". Which is what I'd do.

If he got a job and could paid for it himself, then I agree it's not controllable. She can say "not in the house" but she can't stop him buying and using them.

I have frequently thought that I would like 5 minutes with whoever decided to make these things attractive to teenagers. Anyway.

OP, we've had the same issue with our DS aged 18 here, and the only thing to do is ride it out.

No funding provided for it - if you've spent all your wages this week on it, too bad.

Consumption not tolerated in the house and any vapes left lying around will be disposed of whether or not they're empty (there's something of a safety aspect there as we have DTSs aged 7).

Legally he's old enough to buy the things so we can't stop him. The fact that he comes from a direct line of family whose chests have all finished them off cuts no ice either.

For me he’s going to do it whether you like it or not. Tell him the facts, the damage it can do and boundaries (not in the house or bedroom…he has to go to the garden etc).

It’s like safe sex, they can either do it with safe sex information or try to hide it from you and potentially be unsafe.

With the vaping it’s making sure refills are from proper stores and not from the black market etc. there’s a risk at ruining your relationship and he will back away and not tell you any thing

Give him back his vape for him getting his results. Say you’ll discuss it tomorrow. Tomorrow have a sensible chat about how/where he’s going to vape and that you won’t be funding it. And that as soon as he’s ready to stop you will be there to help and support. And then don’t mention again.

Her "good parenting" of losing her shit and banning vapes in her house,

Hasn't worked so far, has it

I never understood parents who shout

"It's my house!!!"

Yes it's your house, in that you paid for it.

But he still has human rights while he lives there.

It being YOUR HOUSE doesn't mean that he is not allowed to do anything

You sound like a 16 year old with no idea of what good parenting is.