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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too much too soon

36 replies

Wildchild0503 · 22/08/2024 01:09

After many years of bad luck I've finally met the perfect nicest gent. Literally could not fault him lots in common etc. We entered into a relationship two months ago and have never had a crossed word until now.

My only issue is he has his barriers up ie I give him a compliment he ignores it. I say I miss you he ignores it. He never talks about how he feels about me or compliments me even sexually I initiate. He shows me he cares in other ways so I was happy enough. I just thought he's been through a lot has his walls up and they will come down eventually.

I take full responsibility I had a lot to drink last night . He started talking about the girl he used to see before me they weren't in a relationship but he clearly had strong feelings for her and even wrote a song about her. I asked to hear the song and joked that I wanted one wrote about me which he ignored. I then brought up his lack of reassurance. To which his response was its been two months what do you expect and it escalated into a row and him calling me a needy teenager.

I've apologised and he apologised but I could tell he was still annoyed when I left. I txt and apologised again to which he's left me unread and ignored me we never go a day without speaking or saying good night.

I know I've fallen hard too soon and propably like him more than he likes me but aibu bring this upto him. Is he being unreasonable ignoring me.

I'm afraid this could be the end and I've just myself to blame for my drunken childish behaviour

OP posts:
HelenWheels · 22/08/2024 06:34

it was tactless of him to mention a previous girlfriend and the song he wrote
i dont think he feels the same as you do about the relationship

pinkdelight · 22/08/2024 06:33

I don't think he's unreasonable to not be matching your level of intensity at this point but it's not going to work as you want more than he wants to give, so let it go and find someone more compatible.

He's ignoring you because he doesn't feel the same way so can't say he misses you and so on. Maybe he likes you plenty well enough in his way but is a slower burn while you're all in. Or maybe he still likes the girl in the song and doesn't feel as strongly as that for you at this point. Regardless, it's not good to be already out of synch at this point and letting resentment build up and become rows. It's eight weeks. It should be fun, but also shouldn't be too hard to move on from.

rentersleaf · 22/08/2024 05:59

If you compliment him he ignores you. He never compliments you and you have to initiate sex. He doesn't sound like a nice guy.

Also the first year or so should be about sex and first moments and romance.

It doesn't sound like he cares much for you and that's making you feel insecure (hence the row)

I'd walk away if this is him in the early stages I dread to think what he's like when he gets comfortable.

minmooch · 22/08/2024 05:16

You've only known him 8 weeks. Bit too much to tell him you miss him I'm afraid you do sound needy, wanting reassurances and compliments.

You don't sound compatible.

ChilledMama85 · 22/08/2024 04:29

after 2 months he should be able to tell you how he feels- o e way pr the other ( 'because you're not teenagers' ) and he also could reply something like 'who knows maybe one day you will get your own song'

please dont blame yourself dear OP , if you push through this I don't think the situation will improve unfortunately

if I were you I'd go counselling first ( although I don't think you asking for a song when drunk is the worst thing you could do, after 2 months dating & giving the context of the conversation you had at the time) then log in to elite singles website & line up some dates, you will be surprised how many guys actually appreciate you & will tell you how the feel sooner than your perfect gent Flowers

Gilbertwasawuss · 22/08/2024 04:22

If he wanted to, he would.

He either doesn't like you enough or is a terrible communicator.

I believe that if you are compatible and the relationship is right, you wouldn't be seeking reassurance like this. And if he cared, he would have responded differently to you bringing it up.

It doesn't sound at all like you are compatible and I really would end things now or else you could end up very emotionally unfilulfilled in a long term relationship.

SantasRubiksCube · 22/08/2024 04:13

You don't sound very compatible I'm afraid, you need reassurance compliments and shows of affection and it doesn't sound like that's who he is. You may come across as a bit needy and full on but him ignoring you when you pay him a compliment or say you miss him sounds a bit rude and nasty. After a short period it seems like you've gone in deep while he's still paddling in the shallow end to see if it's what he wants.

RogueFemale · 22/08/2024 03:22

You do sound a bit needy. I know, because I've been there. I remember particularly the man who exclaimed 'You're 50 not 15!' when I complained he wouldn't fuck me (we were in bed together naked at the time! and I was actually 49, so that bit also rankled).

What I have learnt in life, overall, is that the Good Men don't make you feel insecure (even if you have insecurity issues). The other relationship successes I've had are with men who were a lot keener on me than I was on them. So I wasn't in the least insecure.

So I'm afraid this one doesn't sound like a keeper.

(Edited to add: 50-not-15 man was a total and utter loser).

Guavafish1 · 22/08/2024 03:19

Honestly he doesn’t sound or behave like a gentleman. it’s only 2 month and you’ve had an argument. I’d call it a day.

You do sound needy and insecure… maybe you should explore this and why you need complements and reassurance.

Aussieland · 22/08/2024 03:10

He doesn’t sound very perfect or very nice! If you are feeling uncertain at this point and he is responding like that to a request then I would be out.

ChellyT · 22/08/2024 03:07

I believe in not dismissing early signs in a relationship good and bad. Things rarely get better, majority of the time they get worse. There is nothing wrong with falling hard and fast for someone, it's beautiful when it's reciprocated. You are both adults and being ignored is something I don't think anyone should have to put up with.