Too much too soon

He did :).
The OP wrote "He started talking about the girl he used to see before me..." and then she asked him about listening to the song she wrote about that girl.

No he didn't she asked him to play a song he'd wrote, he writes songs for loved ones - it was obvious he was going to sing something he'd written for an ex.

I also read 'It's called a breakup because it's broken' bl**dy brilliant and also changed my perspective on relationships.

I suggest reading the book “He’s Just Not That Into You”. Easy read and changed my perspective of relationships. (Now happily married 15+ years).

I don't find you needy at all!

He started talking about someone else he liked before you (he would have annoyed me by doing this) and when he failed in reassuring you, you might have overreacted. Then, you apologised.
If he does not accept your apology that's fine, I will let it be. You don't need to apologise and apologise.

I don't think- based on how you described him - that be is perfect or even nice.
You might have idealised him as you have strong points in common but that's probably it.

He sounds like a nice guy who just isn’t that in to you and doesn’t want to be emotionally dishonest. Just a poor match and the DV links are gross. There is literally nothing about leaving a message on read that is the same as DV.

Oh look! Another drip feed!

I know men who totally lost their ability to have sex after testicular cancer.
And he's told you why he wants you to initiate sex because you've told him about being in a sexually abusive relationship in the past.

Saying you miss him after 8 weeks is very needy.

And not everyone knows how to react after a compliment.

Grow up!

I thought the first 6 months was the fun part getting to know each other more just dating etc chilling.
But 8 weeks is nothing you dont no nothing about him other than what hes told you and his name.
Sorry op you are coming on a bit strong and needy.

So it’s actually very much not perfect and you can fault him… a lot. You’re wasting your time here, you’d be a fool to ignore these red flags right at the start. I’m not saying it’s all him in the wrong, but it’s a lot of drama and bad feeling in the very very early stages.

I would bin this one off OP.

He sounds deeply unattractive.

He doesn't sound perfect any way at all. Honestly, and I mean this gently, you are running miles ahead of him and going full speed and he doesn't even seem to have left the starting blocks. He subs emotionally unavailable at best and awful at worst.

He isn't perfect. He is barely tolerable but for some reason you are dismissing his clearly wrong behaviour as you have rose tinted glasses on. He isn't the one for you and I think you may need to work on your boundraries and prevent yourself from rubbing away with your emotions too soon in the future.

How old is he?
I find men get less demonstrative and more closed off as they get into their 50s and 60s .....

"He is a musician".

Ah, musicians.

LTB.

#NotAllMusicians

2 months isn't a long time. It sounds like you want different things and you need more than he can give you. You just might not be the right fit for eachother unfortunately

It is extremely early days to be raising issues and working on it and all of this. If it's this hard now, it's not going to get better. Sorry but with your update it sounds like there's a lot of baggage and to be expecting the kind of romance you're after is out of whack with the reality. I worry that if you get 'the answer you want' it will just be a sticking plaster and not really solve the incompatibility factor here. He is who he is, which is not uncaring or unaffectionate by the sounds of it but it's not the level you need and there's no way he'll keep it up. It'll only get harder to break up so better to call it a day. It has only been two months and it's definitely too much too soon.

I missed the update. There's a lot going on here. Talk to him. The history of testicular cancer and your sexual abuse might explain a lot of the sex issues. It also sounds like he played the song, you asked what it was and he answered rather than rhapsodising about his ex. A drink had been taken. You've both been through a lot and know about each other very early. Maybe have a chat, try and pull things back to a gentler pace?

Abusive? I disagree, given OP 's update.

But they're clearly on different pages when it comes to paying and receiving compliments. As a pp said, it's a case of having a conversation about it, and about communication on general.

I have a family member who is absolutely useless with messages, for instance. We love each other dearly and she's a great communicator face to face. But I'm still waiting for her to reply to a message I sent the days ago, offering a favour. It does my head in, but it's not abuse.

He is no more perfect.
A walking nasty red flag.
Walk away unless you want an emotionally abusive relationship.
Get some counselling as you do sound needy.
Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk too, it could help you with boundaries and self esteem.

it does sound very full on for 8 weeks, you do come across as very needy so perhaps this chap isn't for you if he isn't giving you what you need and this needyness will probably irrate him eventually... throw this one back

Ignoring compliments or expressions of affection and not initiating sex at all seems very separate from your relationship style. If you want this to work you need to talk but I'm not sure it will if you communicate completely differently, have different sex drives and he's so indiscreet about being demonstrative with an ex. I mean, maybe you've come on very strongly but it seems like he's given nothing. This isn't all you, either way.

I'd say you both need to be adults and sit down for a rational conversation about what it is your both looking for out of a relationship and what that looks like, then you can work out if it's something worth pursuing for both of you. Considering how early it is and how much you've both been through, you both sound like a couple of teenagers who don't know how to communicate.

You say he's perfect then go on to make a list demonstrating a whole row of red flags. He isn't who you want or think him to be.

I'm not one for coming on to say ltb but I don't like the sound of him at all.

1. Why is he talking to you about an ex and telling you he wrote a song about her? He made you feel a bit jealous and insecure and then got cross that you were jealous and insecure.

1. He doesn't pay you compliments or make you feel good about yourself - even when you are fishing a bit, like with the song.

1. He ignores your texts.

1. He writes songs about girlfriends. This makes me think of Ken and Barbie. Unless he is an accomplished musician, this is nob behaviour.