Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent didn't show up for play date

165 replies

Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 01:06

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

OP posts:
SmallTownWay · 22/08/2024 03:20

shuggles · 22/08/2024 01:45

Am I the only person who finds the American concept of a "playdate" so bizarre? DD is 8. That's old enough for her to go out on her bike and run around with friends in the streets.

🙄

Play dates are a normal thing.

Also, we didn't live close to where our kids friends lived and there was no street outside to play on.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 02:52

Yes it was very inconsiderate.Ive looked after their child on many occasions and I feel like they take it for granted now.When the dcs see each other at their sports club I'm sure they will be friendly as usual but I'm not putting myself in a situation where I've travelled and paid for lunch for nothing again.

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 22/08/2024 02:48

WHO DOES THAT!? Inconsiderate wankers, that’s who.

Stay far away. Teach your daughter that that type of behavior from others, specially “friends,” is really abysmal, because it truly is.

MeanWeedratStew · 22/08/2024 02:46

@shuggles do you have kids?

I have three, and they’re not allowed to play in the front yard, much less bike around the streets unsupervised. It’s just not safe.

Did I bike around the streets as a kid? Well, sure, most gen-Xers did, but that was another time and we know better now. From your assumptions that today’s childhoods should be exactly the same as your own was, I suspect you’re not a parent. “Playdate” is just a shorthand term for getting kids together in a safe, supervised environment. Nothing wrong with it.

OP, I’d leave the ball in the other parent’s court, and also encourage friendships with kids closer to home.

pikkumyy77 · 22/08/2024 02:41

Its really rude in any culture.

Also to the arranging of playdates point. Certainly when I grew up 50 years ago all my friends were local and we all played as we wished. However in my children's generation their school was not a neighborhood one and they also made friends through hobbies and the arts. Those friends lived far enough away that arrangements had to be made for chances for playdates to take place. Its not some bizarre sick cultural oddity its just an outgrowth Of city design, school catchment, and children’s friendships.

tuttuttutt · 22/08/2024 02:39

Really rude. She could have given notice rather than standing you up. I definitely wouldn't want to rearrange

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 02:39

It would be easier if the girls were older and you didn't have to go through the parents.The parents of this child seem to be unreliable.

OP posts:
Truffeo · 22/08/2024 02:38

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:32

@Changingeveryday My child is 9 and I wouldn’t let them out of my sight.

And yet, when you were 9, you would have roamed your local area by yourself.

Why do you keep telling people what they did when they were 8 or 9?

You might have been roaming the streets at 8/9. I certainly wasn't, and nor were any of my friends.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 02:37

@Changingeveryday she did feel very upset about it.I took her to the park and tried to treat her afterwards but I am worried that it would happen again if I rearranged it.Id messaged several times with the other parent the evening before the playdate so really don't understand how they'd forget we were meeting up.Id bought lunch for dd friend as I usually do and had to take this back with us.

OP posts:
Changingeveryday · 22/08/2024 02:33

This parent is inconsiderate and unkind, your poor daughter must have felt really let down and rejected. The excuses were poor and offhand, and I think my way of dealing with it would be to first take into consideration how close my child was to her child. If very close, you may have to bite your tongue and try to make the best of it, if not then I wouldn’t bother arranging any more play dates with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2024 02:33

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:32

@Changingeveryday My child is 9 and I wouldn’t let them out of my sight.

And yet, when you were 9, you would have roamed your local area by yourself.

Not true for all of us.

Anyway this is really rude op.

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:32

@Changingeveryday My child is 9 and I wouldn’t let them out of my sight.

And yet, when you were 9, you would have roamed your local area by yourself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2024 02:31

Truffeo · 22/08/2024 02:18

I wasn't roaming the streets at 8 years old.

I wouldn't give an 8 year old a mobile phone either.

Parents are not needed when it's a case of children simply playing

And yet, sometimes they are.

Show quote history

Neither was I roaming the streets aged 8. I would call on my friend just down the road and vis versa then she’d be a my house or hers.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 02:30

They are friends through a sports activity they do together and usually see each other a lot in term time.The girls are very close.Ive always hosted the playdates at our house and have never minded.Felt it was disrespectful for them to not notify me of the cancellation.i understand people get ill or just change their mind but I'd travelled and bought lunch.

OP posts:
Changingeveryday · 22/08/2024 02:29

shuggles · 22/08/2024 01:45

Am I the only person who finds the American concept of a "playdate" so bizarre? DD is 8. That's old enough for her to go out on her bike and run around with friends in the streets.

Are you serious? To play on bikes and run around with friends on the streets? Is this the 1950s or something? My child is 9 and I wouldn’t let them out of my sight. I don’t really understand your point either. A play date is an arrangement for kids to go to each others houses or out with parents, it’s not American either, it’s a common expression. Plus your comments about letting kids loose on the street isn’t even relevant to the post

Truffeo · 22/08/2024 02:28

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:22

@DaniMontyRae You drive children for an hour to see a friend?

That's not really the point, is it?

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:22

@DaniMontyRae You drive children for an hour to see a friend?

DaniMontyRae · 22/08/2024 02:18

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:07

@Catsbreakfast That's not a playdate. That's just a day out. Parents are needed to take children to places like zoos, play centres, etc. Parents are not needed when it's a case of children simply playing.

They are if the children don't live very close to each other. What 8 year old is making their own way to a friend's house that is an hour's drive away?

Truffeo · 22/08/2024 02:18

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:01

@Nightowl1234 "Playdate" is an American term that was imported to the UK recently, so it's not a normal here. Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes. You weren't supervised constantly at 8. And nowadays, it's even safer to leave children by themselves because they can be given a mobile phone for emergencies, something we didn't have as children.

I wasn't roaming the streets at 8 years old.

I wouldn't give an 8 year old a mobile phone either.

Parents are not needed when it's a case of children simply playing

And yet, sometimes they are.

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:07

@Catsbreakfast That's not a playdate. That's just a day out. Parents are needed to take children to places like zoos, play centres, etc. Parents are not needed when it's a case of children simply playing.

purpleme12 · 22/08/2024 02:06

Honestly in your place I would absolutely be thinking it will happen again
I don't think I'd instigate it again honestly
And I'd have made it very clear that we were there waiting for her at pizza express

Catsbreakfast · 22/08/2024 02:03

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:01

@Nightowl1234 "Playdate" is an American term that was imported to the UK recently, so it's not a normal here. Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes. You weren't supervised constantly at 8. And nowadays, it's even safer to leave children by themselves because they can be given a mobile phone for emergencies, something we didn't have as children.

That’s quite obviously bollocks as agreements to take children that aren’t yours to things like zoos, amusement parks, play centres have existed forever. It’s not exactly new or American. It’s nothing to do with kids making off on their own and entertaining themselves with their mates 🙄

coxesorangepippin · 22/08/2024 02:01

Yeah, the play date is cancelled

WaltzingWaters · 22/08/2024 02:01

Extremely rude of her. If you feel like organising any more play dates (which I’d be reluctant to, but obviously that’s a shame for the children due a flaky mum), I’d say the mum can drop their child at yours to avoid waiting around/driving for no reason if the same were to happen again.

Catsbreakfast · 22/08/2024 02:01

They are unbelievably rude. If you agreed to meet at pizza express for lunch, and don’t cancel, they just take your time and commitment for granted and don’t give it the same value as their own time. Proven by their flaky response as to whether their child may or may not turn up after all. Not on.

as
to the person taking umbrage with paydayes: they’ve always existed as long as I care to remember and are different to a kid making off on a bike by themselves and finding their own entertainment in that it’s a planned get together for children, usually younger than 10, in situations that require parental planning, such as lunches, excursions, activities with fees etc. not the same as cycling round a parking lot with mates. These people were rude and chances are they treat everyone like this. Best avoided.