Parent didn't show up for play date

Am I the only person who finds it bizarre that some people are unable to comprehend that people’s circumstances differ?

Just because it might have been safe for you or your children - even then I think age eight is way too young for playing out unsupervised - does not mean that it would be safe for the OP and her daughter.

Some parents live on a main road.
Some parents live in high rise flats.
Some parents live rurally and have no neighbours or pavements.
Some parents live next to a large building site with vehicles coming and going.
Some parents are working outside the home so can’t be around to keep the home unlocked and facilitate ‘playing out’.

Mobile phones? No help whatsoever in preventing a road accident or a group of children being befriended by someone unsuitable.

@Jennybeans401 I think, unless this mother suddenly makes a big effort your daughter might need to accept that this friend will just be someone she sees at the activity.

Dreadful behaviour from your dd friends mother OP & rude.

I wasn't roaming the streets at 8 or 9 but I was fortunate to have a play park right across from my house where loads of children from the same street would play together. It was lovely to have the freedom with my friends of running in and out of the house for drinks & snacks as I pleased. My children had a field in front of our then house and did the same with friends.They all knew not to venture from there and never did. I still checked on them regularly from the upstairs window.

Things are different now. Considering the half way point is a 30 min drive the children can’t just meet up with each other anyway.

I think this friendship will fizzle out, due to the mother. How about inviting another (more local) friend over and having pizza and ice cream and loads of fun to make up for the disappointment. Your poor daughter, my son would be devastated if something like that got cancelled last minute. And poor you going all that way and having to console your daughter.

I agree with you OP. The other Mum sounds thoughtless.

OP is just trying to describe in shorthand what the event was about. I remember being taken to see a friend who lived a distance away and my Mum came too.

Honestly I'd assume that the mother had had a few glasses of wine during this series of positive exchanges last night and forgotten all about it in the morning. Subsequently dragged her daughter into this illness excuse.

Whatever really happened, it's rude and frustrating but at the end of the day, if it's an important friendship to your daughter you might just have to put up with the mother. Just mark her down as unreliable and make future plans with that understanding.

um no… when I was 8 I definitely wasn’t doing this…

The parent is extremely rude and inconsiderate. I would not be arranging anything with them again tbh.

@shuggles I dont know where you live that it is the norm for 8 year olds to roam unsupervised but firstly the OP's child is unlikely to have been unable to ride their bike to Pizza express if it was a 30 minute drive away and secondly if you were in my town an 8 year old out alone would trigger a social services referral.

But the OP double check! They were messaging the night before.

Personally I'd only agree to meet up in future where you'll be anyway for whatever reason (the park, a joint playdate, etc). Don't make separate plans or she will let you down again.

😂

The child would still be sick for a while.
Learn from the experience and always double check any arrangements with this family.

So rude! I can’t believe how some people behave 😡

Similar happened to me except with a younger child/toddler. I'd arranged to meet a NCT friend for lunch on my way home from a morning nursery session.

I was sat in the restaurant. Starving but waiting to order. Eventually a phone call saying she was just making lunch and had only just remembered. I felt so embarrassed. I ordered lunch then for me and DC because I was so hungry, but it was annoying as I wouldn't have spent that money alone otherwise - it was meant to be sociable.

I gave the mum one more chance by agreeing to meet for coffee a few weeks later. She was about 20 minutes late, so that was the nail in the coffin for me.

It's okay to stop making the effort. Presumably the kids see each other at school? That'll have to be enough for now. Sorry this happened to you, OP. It's so disheartening. Lean on your real friends.

Very rude, but tbh it seems a lot of people are like that these days. Absolutely no thought for others and severely lacking in manners. Of course she should have let you know earlier.

Good grief @shuggles stop derailing the thread. You seem like you could have an argument in an empty room!

That's a good idea.

It's thoughtless and inconsiderate of her. However, I try my best to be considerate and once completely forgot to go to a child's birthday party, even though we had the gift in the car. Just a busy day...something else ran over and the realisation didn't hit me until that evening (apologised profusely and took the gift round).

If the children do sport together, you must spend a lot of time hanging around with the parent. For your daughter's sake, I'd continue as normal but restrict playdates to those where you won't lose time and money if she does it again. Perhaps arrange for three girls to meet, so if she doesn't turn up, your daughter still has a friend to play with?

I feel sorry for the two girls in this. Your daughter must have been disappointed, and the other girl must be starting to get embarrassed at her mum's flakiness. I want to say to not make a big deal of it, because if this girl is a good friend to your daughter, it would be a shame to make things awkward just because of her mum.

It is very unfortunate that a parent would have so little respect for your time and effort. How inconsiderate.

Are you the only person who doesn’t realise that not all children live in a situation where going out on your bike and running around the streets isn’t an option for some children and arrangements must be made in other ways!?!

No, I 100% wasn’t roaming my local area at the age of 9. This individual who keeps commenting about children roaming the streets is incredibly odd and the posts are absolutely nothing to do with the topic raised. I can’t think of any parent that would allow their child to roam the streets at that age, in this day and age…..it would be incredibly irresponsible

I am so sorry op. That’s not right. 💐💐💐

The mum should have let you know earlier OP. I feel sorry for her child from what you've said about this mum. Also, for you and your child having made the effort and been left disappointed.

When I was a child, we had play dates. Some of my school friends lived a few miles away.

I did play out of the street, but that wasn't with same aged school friends.