SIL ignores messages on group chat

It probably isn’t this, but group chats don’t suit everyone. DH is from a large family of 4 siblings, he frequently lets his WhatsApp disconnect by not updating it. He’s not a technophobe but he doesn’t like any form of social media - even group chats. I didn’t used to agree, but he makes a point about how photo sharing and holiday bragging can be quite irritating and divisive. Also, words on screens not chats in person are prone to misinterpretation. Then there’s the way it’s there for ever to scroll back on. Recently the last of these points was highlighted by a row the siblings had where SIL attacked BIL about elders cere responsibility

Whatsapp groups can be a blessing or a curse.

Great to involve everyone in decision making from the get go. I.e. shall we go out in September what dates are best for everyone and does anyone have any restaurant recommendations etc? Some people reply almost instantly. Great I can do the last Friday and Saturday in the month anyone fancy that new Thai place or usual Italian?

Family groups can be a nightmare with some never replying or taking ages to reply. One SIL of mine hates whatsapp and takes an eternity to reply if at all and has to be chased up. Other SIL is forever setting whatsapp groups ip for different occasions. She is fully active on them, messages frequently and at ridiculous times of the day etc.

As said above maybe quietly don’t post or comment on the group for a little while. No big announcements or winding SIL up its not worth it and not bringing you any joy.

Take care OP

I think if my brothers wife set up a WhatsApp group for my family I'd find that odd and over stepping I'd probably have a bit of a "Who does she think she is?" Type attitude towards it and not feel particularly invested in being in the chat.

Also if you don't get in with your MIL it's even more strange that you'd set up a chat with her in it.

Do your values align with theirs? Do you have a lot in common? Would you be friends if you weren't married to your DH?

I have 2 SILs, one I get on with although we are quite different and as a passionate feminist I find her love of taking on "wife work" very annoying. The other I don't like, we have literally nothing in common, zero common values or interests, although both parents every aspect of our parenting is polar opposites. She is the one I don't speak to unless it's in person. I can be nice in person but I find her draining and honestly just don't care about her or her family. Sad I guess but I don't exist to fawn over her.

I'd suggest just mute the group chat, or leave it entirely. Your DH can talk to his siblings if he wants to (which it sounds like he doesnt) and maybe try and focus on friends or your own family for a sense of community.

If she's lovely in person in person then that's who she is. She isn't a bitch because she isn't reacting how you want her to to your holiday photos. You and her mum have some sort of conflict, she is probably feeling a little uncomfortable about who's side to take but she is obviously her mother's daughter.

I think if you want a harmonious big family setting then you need to get to a place where you get on with everyone. It's what happens in real life that matter, not on a WA group. If you can all meet up and have a lovely time together then there is a chance that it's befeficial for your kids, but you all being on a WA group has absolutely zero impact on your kids.

If my bil amd sil divorced I wouldn't add the non blood side to a family chat. That's just weird.

Don't post anything anymore not even ro bil and see if they chase you.

If your only contact is a what's app group then there's not .uch point. Take a back seat and see what happens.

leave it be. Chat with those who engage with you. She's in 'inlaw' just let her crack on with her own behaviour. Engage with the people that you love and let it be.

A family group chat sounds horrendous 🤣 so much scope for passive aggressiveness and misunderstanding

My SIL is a twat! I have no stopped even giving her eye contact and I literally say nothing to her at any point.

It is much better all round now.

Yikes I'd missed that cheating boyfriend comparison. That's a bonkers comparison. She didn't choose to be related to you and doesn't have to like you. She's keeping things minimal and you're giving this way too much headspace. Dial down the 'bitch' characterisation and leave the woman alone.

It’s called fawning OP, part of the people pleaser syndrome. Next time you feel that urge, purposefully tell yourself not to do it as the result will be exactly the same.

It's cringe worthy honestly it's pretty common we take it for granted when somebody cares about us and chase the approval of those who don't give a fuck about us.

This, especially your view think I finally want SIL to acknowledge me, almost like a cheating boyfriend to finally realise he’s a piece of crap liar and genuinely say sorry (but he never does).
You're likening your husbands sister not giving you the attention you want to someone being cheated on?!
HUGELY, bizarrely over involved!
Can't you see that they are siblings and want to Message each other?

Why didn't your husband step up and help given the two of you are supposed to be a partnership and you had made a commitment?

Your dh thinks his sister is a bitch for not responding to the WhatsApp chats but he barely engages too. Seems hypocritical to me - women have to conform to a certain way while men get to do what they like.

I would find it odd if a SIL of mine created a group chat for my relatives. We’re not a family for much chit chat and I would find it awkward and annoying. If I was going through a divorce I would not want to be plonked into a group chat with my SIL playing happy families. That being said I would just mute the chat and not have all this only replying to certain people thing. It is a bit rude but tbh she’s probably just not interested in being your friend. Just let the chat die and carry on with your life. Don’t passive aggressively ‘check if she’s getting your messages’ in the chat like some are suggesting, you’ll only un-endear yourself to her more. Just leave her alone.

Are your posts asking direct questions requiring answers or just posts? Are you looking for the equivalent of Facebook likes on WhatsApp because I don't do that either. How many posts are there a day. If there are too many maybe she just sees the latest one (from BIL) rather than bothering to scroll back through loads? Just carry on using the group how you want to and let her use it how she wants to.

This! Just carry on and ignore her lack of response. Stop worrying about something that doesn't matter.

Sometimes with people like that, they respond better if you don’t bend over backwards. I don’t know why. Maybe when they notice people are distancing themselves they realise they’re causing a problem or maybe they start feeling they are missing out in some way. Probably the latter or something as self serving.

But what you are doing isn’t working and just making you feel bad so stop it 🙂

You had good intentions OP but SIL has made it clear she isn't interested.
DH, his DB, MIL and I have a w.group. Went to leave the group in a huff one time and realised I'd set it up myself.
Did it during lockdown to facilitate better communication but DBIL never posts anything and seems to reply to some messages out of politeness.
DMIL has her moments of spam posting and DH only posts big news like a new job, promotion sort of thing, so not regularly.
Wish I'd never bothered but that's life, we live and learn.
It's my cross to bear now as I haven't mastered the courage to mute yet.
Let it go and we'll done for muting.

Is she your dh sister, or bils ex wife? it's not clear.