SIL ignores messages on group chat

So it’s your DH his mother and his siblings and you in the group chat? Do either of the siblings have partners? If so
why are they not in the chat? I’d stop posting and leave it to your DH to maintain these relationships if he wants to

Even if you're family it doesn't mean you have to like each other.

Just post what you want to post, reply to who you want to reply to but stop trying to be a sickly sweet suck up.

I think yabu.

You say that she is nice and chatty to you in person but isn’t the same when it comes to messaging. I would go off that experience vs messaging where you can’t detect tone and it is easy to assume there is an issue when there may not be. It reads more like you and SIL simply have different ways of messaging and because she doesn’t do it like you do or want, you are assuming she has an issue with you. It is not her responsibility to give you the relationship you desire from her due to your own personal circumstances.

I get on with both of my SILs and enjoy their company when we are together. We’re all from different countries and we like to catch up and chat about things in person, but with messaging, we rarely talk to each other unless to ask about birthdays and Christmas. My DH’s sister posts quite a bit on Facebook whereas me and BIL’s wife don’t (BIL does the photo posting) but we both like and heart her photos and may leave a message here and there but not for every single post.

But then that would let her know that she got to you/scared you off. Don't let people treat you this way, she is just another woman not some big important figure in the world.
If BIL is good to you, then return the favour. Stop replying to anything she posts as well.

Exactly this. Match her energy. Don't allow people to treat you like shit. Communicate with your bil only and leave her to seethe over it.

just do the same to her. Ignore all her posts and only respond to BIL.

Does BIL like your posts or respond? If he doesn’t either then leave the group.

is not really interested in our lives at all but only in showing off their achievements

Yes. That's what these types of chats are. Like I said, people generally aren't interested in other people's lives. Someone shows off, someone else responds out of politeness. It doesn't bring people who aren't close any closer together. And be honest, you aren't interested in SIL, you just want her to be interested in your family.

Show off and compete how and who with? It seems more like it's you who wants to compete with the comments about her infertility? You've not said a single thing negative thing re the BIL, does he not post any photos of his dc?

But did you ask anything?

I mean, your DH isn't interested either. So maybe they're just giving his family back the same energy he gives theirs. Or this is just the way they are. They don't do fake platitudes.

Do you actually ask her questions in that chat and be ignored or do you just comment on photos/spam with your own? Because people generally aren't interested in other people's children/holidays/house renovations etc. All the "aw so cute!/that looks fun!/love that colour!" is just politeness. If you aren't close, that kind of thing isn't going to bring you any closer. It just makes people feel obligated to respond out of politeness. Your SIL clearly doesn't feel obligated to though.

Also, as other people have said, from reading your last example, I wonder if you come across rude to her in the way you use the chat. It's quite odd to jump into a conversation between two others to spam photos of your holiday. That comes across like you are trying to turn the conversation around to you, rather than you just trying to join in. A better approach would have been to comment on what they were saying and not talk about yourself until someone asked. Flatter, praise, show interest. Rather than "look at me".

Hi op just ignore her. I have it too. She all chit chat to my husb sadly hers has passed. Families are weird. My kids get overlooked too. Im polite i keep it at that no extra.

Tbh you sound hard work.

My DH family have an extended whatsapp group with partners included. They all chat a lot on there, and there is endless photos and snaps of the various cousins etc. I 100% do not comment or respond to all of them. I barely talk on there at all, except for arranging plans. It's not that I don't like my SILs/ BILs.... but I am not someone who enjoys being spammed with pics of random food, other peoples' kids etc multiple times a day. I've got my own kids to focus on, and a stressful FT job so when I'm sat in the office there's genuinely not much I want to reply to a picture of my SIL at the beach with her kids at 1pm on a Tuesday. I do post some pics of my kids on there rarely, but I never expect responses - it's mainly so DH's parents can see them, and I don't have any expectations that BILs/SILs care about those pics!

TLDR. People are busy. Some of us aren't great with messaging and just want a bit of peace!

This is my DHs approach and he’s discovered that if he doesn’t do app updates he can even more decisively disconnect from it.

I’m on it, but after a recent row between siblings we are all almost too wary to post anything. Row about care of MIL.

One SIL so sensitive that we weren’t sure whether she’d be more upset to know of DCs A Level success or offended if we didn’t say. So we got other SIL to mention it ‘in passing’ 🤣

I have to agree with this. It would be going on mute here.

So she's not a 'bitch' then? Was that just a nasty insult on your part as she refuses to do as you wish?🤔