Family holiday drama

@familydrama1

I think you feel that because you paid 1200 pounds of the 2000 pounds towards your parents room, you get a right to decide who goes in that room.

Your brother paid nothing. I can see your point but I genuinely think the best thing is to pull out entirely - including your parents so they get their 800 back and you get your 1200.

I think you are probably right, Calliopespa.

However, the holiday sounds a bit of a nightmare with grandparents having to share a room with two grandchildren and the op having a six month old baby. It doesn't sound like a very comfortable holiday, especially as it's a cruise so there is no escape for anyone.

In her position I would cancel, citing her unexpected pregnancy as a reason (even if that is not the reason, it's a good one), and have a re-think about a family holiday at a later date, when the baby is older and will appreciate it more.

Just my view.

I don’t think it’s a wind-up. I think she was disappointed and cross that the trip wasn’t working out the way she wanted and her mum had “gone rogue” and asked DB’s son. I think when she got pregnant she then felt she had a reason to re-jig it the way she preferred and had expected reinforcement of that view when posting. To be fair, she may have gone quiet because she is absorbing the many views that it actually isn’t fair on the nephew to want to rearrange it around her circumstances in the way she expected. That’s a very different position to the one she indicated in her op and subsequent posts, so it may just be sinking in that we haven’t necessarily misunderstood and that there are other ways of approaching it if she wants to consider them. I don’t think an op sho doesn’t return is always a wind-up. I just think sometimes they are very taken aback and need time.

It's not your business to take your nephew off the booking. He was invited by your parents and you aren't paying for his place!

This sounds mental. If the baby can't be in a cot in your room, why the hell would yu go on the cruise. If its booked to capacity,sell the tickets. This sounds so made up or like you're trying to be difficult.

Your nephew hasn't done anything wrong fgs

I think, given how small the baby will be etc, you stay home with the baby and DH takes the older kids on holiday without you.

Not on a cruise. They have a minimum age for babies.

All of which ignores the fact that the OP wasn't dealing with this issue until after they were expecting. That's the thing that's changed. Which is not the nephew's fault.
If I was the nephew I'd be doing my best to get out of the trip anyway, it sounds to me like it will be hell on wheels even if everyone gets a bed. I wonder if anyone has asked him whether he even wants to go?

This post (and the follow up replies from op) makes zero sense. Drip feed and variable situation...I say it's a wind up!

If I were the OP's mother I would cancel my booking and set up a nice holiday just for me and DH. The whole thing soulds alike a disaster in the making all round.
That's ignoring the fact that for me a cruise with a large family party would be a holiday from hell anyway, even if I wasn't throwing up all the time, which I would be.
I love my family, and have even been on holiday with some of them at various times, but NOT all at once.

I wouldn't dream of taking an infant on a cruise. It's not even born, there is no knowing whether it will be able to cope with the motion. I say this as one who has always had terrible motion sickness even as a child, I can get it even in intercity trains if they tilt. And I'm not the only one, I and a kind guard once had to console and help one poor girl who was throwing up on just such a train.

You are not being unreasonable at all.
It's your trip
Your mum's shouldn't have invited him
Tell your mum to uninvite him and say the rooms are at full capacity
This is not your fault at all
And
Btw
Congrats ...hope your pregnancy goes smooth sailing
Don't stress about other people who clearly don't care about putting you out. Be firm. Say no.

How old exactly will baby be at the time of the holiday? Minimum age is 6 months - will that be ok if you go over your due date by a fortnight?

I've never been on a cruise, but I'm surprised a 17 Yr old would count as a child. Children are usually under 16, or 16/under.

Can you take a 4 month old on a cruise?

There’s a lot of these threads of late: phrased as a question/ request for advice; unwanted responses resisted with fiery indignance; then flouncing off the thread.

I’m not sure why you’ve posted this as you’ve already made your mind up what you’re going to do!

People on cruises catch horrible viruses. May be don't do it with a newborn

I didn't realise this - is that where DN paid 150(?) came in? Is it a relatively small charge for the 3rd and 4th occupant.

It's a long time since I've cruised (honeymoon) and we were just 2 😊but we often do an activity holiday where you pay for apartment, which factors in a lot of resort costs. So below full occupancy makes the apartment very expensive, but no extra for full occupancy. I assumed cruises were the same

Ah that explains quite a lot

Cruises tend to charge per person for the 3rd and 4th person in a cabin so it unlikely OP has paid for the 4th berth

I have RTFT and am simply aghast that the advice is generally 'book an extra cabin OR cancel because you ABU to boot off poor nephew'.

I feel for you in the instance where DM invited the DN son of freeloading DB - as we had similar in my family, historically. My DM used to invite my DN to all sorts.

My understanding is that cabins have a capacity for 4. You have paid for 6 'berths', your 4 plus half of your DParents cabin. As a family of 5, you were fine. DM has bizarrely invite ONE DN to use the vacant spot. DB has form for not contributing and has not offered any contribution - perhaps your 17/18 yo DN is a wonderful lad who will happily play with his much younger cousins, perhaps he would be like mine and contribute very little to the family enjoyment (who would have needed to be supervised around children as he usually reduced them to tears). Whichever is the case, you have paid for 6 berths, and you did not invite him.

I am stunned at the view you shoud have managed your birth control around his feelings.

Were you to pay for a third cabin, your capacity now would be 12 people. Would there now be an expectation to be 'fair' and bring all 3 DNs. 'Book another room' is thrown around as if it's an AirBnB for a night. It's 2K+, and DB is not contributing.

I would absolutely explain to DB and DN that with your pregnancy, the holiday is at full capacity and you must withdraw your DMs invitation for him to join you. And I wouldn't be one bit worried about DB 'falling out' with family - who else will mind his kids for free?

You could suggest as an option that he mind the new baby for the duration of the holiday. Ask DB for solutions.

there would have been an extra space in grandparents’ cabin for another of op’s children.

Does the nephew even want to go? I’m not sure my nephew would want to go on a holiday with all my husband’s extended family.

Who would you have booted off if your Nephew hadn't been booked on?