Family holiday drama

you stay at home with baby and let everyone else get a nice break from this kind of whinging nonsense.

OP, who actually booked the cabins? Are they one booking that you made or two separate ones - one by you and one by your DP (I'm leaving In laws out of this altogether, at the moment).

If it's one, how did your DP 'add' your nephew in the first place. If it's two, how are you working the payments?

It's going to come down to who has paid for what.

You are assumedly paying the whole of your cabin and all drinks packages etc for you, DH and the two kids in your room.

You are also assumedly covering packages and extras for your DD in the 2nd cabin.

Your DP are covering their own packages, and now have offered to 'pay for' your DN to join - presumably covering his add-ons.

Whether you are 'reasonable' (and this is not the same thing as 'decent' or 'kind' in this scenario) comes down to this:

What part of the cost of their cabin (once it's configured for four) have you paid for?

If your DP paid a half and you have paid half of a cabin cost, and there is now no extra 'cabin cost' for your DN, then, arguably, the fourth bunk wasn't theirs to offer without asking as you have/had already paid for it. You haven't agreed to fund any part of your nephew having a holiday, and either your DP or your DB should be paying an extra 1/4 share back to you of he does come. You might in this scenario have a technical argument for saying he now can't come, as you need the 2nd bunk you've paid for. (This is entirely separate to whether your DP agree to share with two young kids rather than one, but we can cross that later)

If, however, your parents have paid 'half' and you paid 'half' of a 3/4 or lower cost in the first place, and there's now an extra 'cabin' cost to adding your DN, which they have paid, then you don't have any entitlement to that bunk and you never did. You hadn't bought it, no-one did - until they chose to and they can now do what they want with it. You may still be due a recalculation with the exact figures, because if you paid 'half' before you are likely subsidising your DP's 'cabin costs' a bit but I'd let that go for the inconvenience of your DP having your DD.

Which is it, OP?

I'd also like to know how long ago your DN was offered his place - a week or so, fine, if upsetting, several months, not really okay - and exactly how long before your sailing date your due date is, because it really might not be as simple to switch one of them for the other as you are making out - as others have said, cruise lines limit age mixes of children for a lot of very good reasons including evacuation safety and if your baby is even 1 day under 6 months of age (and you can't lie, you'll have to show their passport) they won't be permitted on board full stop.

FWIW, I, personally, wouldn't get on a cruise ship with your configuration of adults and young kids at all, solely from a 'disaster' perspective. It's admittedly vanishingly unlikely that you'll need to abandon ship, but if you do, you and your DH have too many kids who'll need too much help to manage this easily.

But a six month old baby? Disturbing Grandparents and DN!

You stay at home with baby.
Let hubby and other DC go on.
That's what I'd do.

Or, additional child can be added to PILS room…

It’s a boat, they are allowed a max of 4 per cabin. As such she can’t add a fifth to either her or her parents cabins, for safety reasons. She needs to book an extra cabin with one of the existing adults. She’s been fairly clear and this is the norm on boats.

I think by mentioning DB didn't pay for DN she is trying to justify why she thinks DN shouldn't go.

Really? Why on earth ?

Tell us exactly what the cruise organisers said when you called them to explain your change in circumstances????

@Staunchlystarling
I don't know why that is so funny to you. I've invited my in-laws on a holiday with us. I would not be impressed if they decided to invite my niece without discussing with us first.

Thought so too. My guess is that it was only meant to be the much younger child and the grandparents, but the grandparents invited their grandson afterwards.

The supposed childcare aspect that a pp suggested is a bit bonkers because there is no evidence that the 17 yo is even close to his cousin and would be doing childcare duties, especially since OP wasn’t expecting him. Plus, of her parents were planning that, it would be weird of them and ridiculous without telling OP.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Why don't you just tell your parents you need to book a second room now to accommodate your family so will need half of your costs back to book this, this way your parents can book and invite who they want.

Get holiday insurance or ask family to take a vote
Perhaps your nephew doesn't even want to go?

You won't lose thousands anyway, there's enough time for you to get some sort of partial refund or move your family to the following year.

I personally don't think it's fair that the nephew loses out cause you got pregnant and these are your circumstances.

YABU

A large static caravan at Mablethorpe would be a more appropriate option me thinks …..

OP appears so bitter about the money, I am almost convinced she got pregnant deliberately to create a situation where he got bumped off! 😀

It's your problem you decided to have another baby, not your parents and not your nephews. Fucking atrocious to bump him off the holiday when you could stop being so grabby and just book another room. That way you can accommodate all your little ones together and your parents and nephew get a decent break.

But the baby in pil room does not actually have to stay in the room. No one will be checking who sleeps where (unless kids clearly left alone)

Well no, you said your parents paid for themselves and nephew so they actually paid 3/4 of the room and you paid 1/4.

So now you’ve changed the narrative to fit what you want again?! 🙄😂

@Putting @Staunchlystarling Thanks for the info. I thought I'd solved the problem!

@familydrama1 can you explain who is in PILS room?

It seems an easy solution to allocate one of your children, probably the baby, to that room.

But they aren’t really guests are they. They are people paying for themselves.

I’m assuming the in-laws said they didn’t want the kids in their cabin. Which is fair enough, you’d need to go to bed early, be quiet, lack of alone time etc,and basically you’re providing child care. It’s a very different holiday if you’ve a small kid in your room.

so as the in-laws said no she invited her parents so she could get a kid in their room without fully spending on another cabin,

Did I say it's anyone else's problem?! But it's pretty obviously a barrier to the OP 'just booking another room' like everyone's suggested. Doesn't mean I'm agreeing that the nephew should be booted, I'm not. But 'just throw a few more grand at the problem' isn't the easy fix people are making it out to be.

Several people have asked that, and OP seems to have ignored the question!