Family holiday drama

At what point have I called anyone a Paedophile?
I said that a 17 year old boy would probably not be happy sharing a bed with a younger female cousin, thats kind of the opposite of a paedophile

And OP said earlier that her parents invited her nephew out of fear of her brother. It may or may not be true but I prefer to base my posts on information given rather than huge leaps of imagination

The "GP scared of her brother" claim makes no sense but if it was true and there is all this weird family drama and dynamic, why invite them in the first place? She claims that she knows her brother would have kicked off if her parents didn't invite one of his kids yet also acts surprised and wonders why they invited the nephew.

The more likely reason is she invited her parents so she can fit her family. She got a cabin for 4 people and already had a family of 5 even before the new baby so she had to allocate one of her children her parents cabin. That already shows her intent of inviting her parents. She should be booking a cabin that is large enough for her family simple.

Not a reach, its what OP said.
She said he parents invited the nephew after the fact because her brother is a pain and would kick off.
Which bit is a reach?

This is trying to impart reason and logic to a teenager who is angry about her little planned holiday being overcrowded. She now wants group sympathy and permission to bump off the nephew. Nothing else will do. So don't waste any more practical advice... she is not interested in a solution that would keep the nephew.

It doesn't work that way for cruises there's maximum occupancy per cabin due to safety laws, life jackets and life boat requirements etc.

The issue is she has a family of 5 3 kids and 2 adults and the cabins are for 4 people so she got her parents to come and get their own cabin or 4 so one of her children is assigned to her parents cabin so her cabin is now at the maximum of 4 and her parents 3. Her parents then invited her nephew bringing their cabin occupancy to the maximum of 4.

Now OP is expecting a 4th child but no space in either cabin so she wants to kick out the nephew to accommodate her baby.

Ideally she should be booking a larger cabin with higher occupancy for her family or book a second cabin with her husband as the adult and allocate some of her kids to that cabin to spread them out.

OP knows she now has a family of 6 and should be booking/planning accordingly not booking based on using other people's rooms or cabins.

Alternatively she should postpone her trip and ask the cruise line for cruise credits, that way she can save for and pay for a larger cabin for her growing family and more importantly give the baby time to grow a bit before taking him or her on a cruise. I wouldn't be going on a cruise with a 6 month old baby.

Oh yeah right, the parents are sooooo terrified of their son they couldn't ask for a contribution to nephews costs but will happily kick nephew off the trip to appease their daughter. Sounds like it's more the daughter they are scared of.

And it's not the OPs booking so she has no right to remove anyone from it. Its also really easy to get single beds and suggesting her nephew is a pedophile is disgusting of you. Her parents are actually subsidising the OP because without them, she still would have needed either a second cabin or a bigger one. They are also providing free childcare on top. She doesn't have any right to go ballistic.

You do have enough adults to book another cabin, you just don’t want to. If your cabin has you and DH plus 2 kids, you and DH can split cabins so you have one adult per cabin. 1 parent then has a child in their cabin and the other parent has child plus newborn.

OP said she paid half, so arguably the extra bed is hers. But my point wasn’t about who paid for what. It was about the emotional impact. Your daughter’s husband’s parents organise a family holiday with all the kids and grand kids. You tag along to help with childcare, then invite a member of your own extended family along, only to find this will prevent your son-in-law, daughter and their children from going. You can be legalistic and say ‘we get to take nephew if we want to. Tough luck!’ Or you can recognise that this will create massive awkwardness and leave you unable to enjoy your holiday, because your daughter, her husband and kids are sitting at home. How they resolve it is up to them. I wouldn’t invite a 17 year old to share a cabin with a 6 year old without the 6 year old’s mother’s consent, so maybe they are stubborn fools. Or just maybe, as grandparents willing to help with childcare on their son-in-law’s family holiday, they are reasonable people willing to talk through all the options and reach an agreed decision.

What about the husband's family? Can they take one of your kids in their room? Assuming this is the other set of grandparents.

Who said he was a sulky teenager?

Wow. What a reach,

Maybe because she didn't invite him in the first place?

My understanding is that OP didn't invite the nephew. She invited her parents and then becasue they are scared of their son they invited the 17 year old. The 17 year old will be sharing a cabin with his grandparents and his female cousin, which may even be 2 double beds which is a nightmare to start with and most 17 year old boys would really not want to do.
I can completely see why Op would want to remove her uninvited nephew from the booking and in her shoes I would have tried to do that (and gone ballistic at my parents) when she first found out about it.
BUT if the GP's are so terrified of their son to start with they are very unlikely to agree and theres not a lot she can do without causing huge drama with her family.
I imagine her DH and his family are not impressd either

Sorry just noticed this question has already been asked

What was you plan with sleeping arrangements had your parents declined your invite to join you?

And the fact of the matter is, OP has 3 children, and one on the way so to go on a cruise holiday, she would have had to book and fully pay for 2 rooms anyway as you can't have more than 4 in a cabin.

Arrangements were all fine before OP got pregnant so I don't see why the poor nephew should miss out on his holiday because of the OPs conception choices.

I'm so confused, why would you even consider taking your nephew off the booking rather than just adding the baby, I'm sure there is a solution here as others must book holidays while pregnant.

Im sensing some resentment towards your brother and/or nephew driving this but yabu to want to remove him from.a holiday after he has been told he is going imo

Exactly haha

So if your parents and nephew weren't there then you would need two rooms for your own family?

You're contradicting yourself op

You said your DParents paid for your nephew. Now you're effectively saying they didn't.

You said you invited them - but actually, they booked their own room so are kind of travelling independently.

It's your family that's growing, so you need to book another room.

Get your DH to book one under his name, then there's an adult in each of two rooms. It's not complicated is it?

@Staunchlystarling because if I wanted to invite extended family I would have. Lots of reasons including change of dynamics, responsibilities (including moral stuff like letting them go out drinking etc). Not wanting a 17 sulking that we are mainly doing activities for babies/ young kids. Managing teenage moods. Especially when my I'm-laws - like the op- don't have a lot of money and can't say no for fear of upsetting brother in law.
But most of all- if I wanted someone there I would have invited them myself!!!

@ginnybag i think lots of passengers would abandon ship if this lot were on the same corridor!

Sure, but I’m assuming they must have told her no way. For whatever reason.

Exactly! All this faff for nothing....

Just book another cabin for now, and sort out who sleeps where later

@Anotherdayanotherdollar not saying move the nephew at all, it's just that on cruises an adult must be assigned to a room where a child under 18 is staying. So just 'assign' DH to the room and then sort out sleeping arrangements after.

Basically, just get another cabin