Leaving baby with stranger

A woman in the street asked me to hold her baby while she unfolded her pushchair. It was GREAT- I love holding tiny babies.

It's absolutely fine, no need to worry. You have intuition, you knew the grandmother was a pretty safe bet. I've definitely held babies for women who needed a hand before.

There's a reason we tell children to look for a woman with children if they're in trouble. You would have to be monumentally unlucky to ask a woman with children for help - especially one stuck at a swimming lesson - and have her turn out to be a crazed abductor.

I had to leave my baby with a random vet nurse when she was 6 weeks old. My old cat was ill and had to rush her to the vet, DD was having a meltdown and it was upsetting DCat (who had to be put down). Random vet nurse took DD in her pram for laps around the outside of the vet hospital while I spoke to vet and said goodbyes to DCat.

Absolutely fucking traumatic. But afterwards I cried buckets that I left my baby with a stranger.

A few mins for a wee is fine @sunshine240778474

And how would she take her swimming costume off to wee?

You get a vibe with people, if at the time you thought it was safe to leave your child...no harm done.

Let's face it...if you had any inkling that a person wasn't safe or trustworthy, nothing on gods earth would force you to leave your baby with them.

Don't beat yourself up....you can't turn back time, your baby is fine.... let it go.

You did what you needed to do at the time. It's fine. You are massively overthinking it. Presumably she seemed nice and you could see she was with her grandkids. She can hardly do a runner with the baby and leave her grandkids in the pool can she?

Exactly

Yet her grandchildren's mother was happy to leave them in her care.

The risk was infinitesimal. You can reduce it even further if there is more than one family around, by making sure the conversation is loud enough that another unconnected adult is aware that you are leaving the baby with someone you don't know. Then if it turns out that the 0.0000000000000000000000001% chance that they decide to abduct the baby occurs, there's someone who would intervene. In the swimming pool scenario, I guess you could say to the lifeguard "I've just left my baby with the lady over there while I go to the loo."

I've only had to do this once. DS 2 months old in a buggy, with shopping bags and I needed the toilet. I queued for the disabled since it was the only way to fit in the buggy. A mum with 3 kids, one in a sling came up to me and offered to watch DS while I used a standard cubicle. I hesitated but honestly, there was a real risk of me wetting myself. I rushed in and out. She was so lovely, we chatted for a bit and she added me to a Facebook group that shared activities etc that were on in our area.
Since then I've offered to watch a strangers child a few times. I'm with my child, they can see I'm low risk. No ones ever said no but I'd understand if they did.
Getting around some places/situations alone with an infant is sometimes impossible without the help of a fellow mum.

This is absolutely fine IMO. There are bad people in the world, of course, but far more good. You used your judgement and you were right.

I hand my DS off to cooing women after swimming all the time. I don't know her name, but there's a woman who adores the babies, and tells sad stories of her miscarriages and her love for her nieces and nephews. I suppose she could be a threat, but I rather think she's a woman who loves babies and sadly couldn't have her own. She doesn't even mind when DS pulls her hair.

When I was swimming at the pool solo, a dad was struggling to get out with his baby and toddler. I held the baby, and when the toddler got out he BOLTED. Dad sent a worried look and me and I told him to go! So I gave an inadvertent swimming lesson to a one year old for ten minutes.

I think this is totally fine and will get easier week on week as you get to know the other parents/grandparents. At all baby/toddler classes I’ve been to, people will happily watch a child whilst you pop to the loo!

I would, and have done, the exact same thing. I have also been the one offering to hold random babies to help the parents out. It’s fine, stop beating yourself up!

It’s probably no surprise maternal mental health is through the floor. In the past babies would be left outside shops in their pram, neighbours watched them while you did things etc, mothers of 60 years who certainly weren’t trying to hold a baby while undressing and dressing themselves one handed.

I know not everyone likes those harnesses for having babies on your chest but maybe one in your bag would be helpful for when you need two pairs of hands

I don’t I would ever be able to pull up and fastened a pair of jeans one handed!

*It's important to trust that most people aren't out to do each other harm.”

why? Why is it important? 🤔*

Because it’s basically impossible to make rational decisions about life in society if you don’t take that view! And the world must seem like the most overwhelming and hostile place; every outing and interaction must be completely anxiety inducing. I always assume it’s a normal distribution - the majority of people are quite nice to meh, with a small number who are absolutely lovely and a small number who are awful.

I probably would have rather balanced them on my lap and gone for a wee, or on a towel on the toilet floor, but I can totally see why you made that decision! Don’t beat yourself up about it-just have a plan what you’ll do next time, if this decision made you feel uncomfortable.

I think we’ve gone too far with not trusting people and it makes life smaller and more isolated. Of course it’s good to be cautious, but in this situation I’d have done the same as you.

I remember hold someone baby once while she had to folder her pram for the bus. I loved it… I was only 18 years old and the baby must have been similar age.

I think your partner is horrible to make you feel that why!

“It's important to trust that most people aren't out to do each other harm.”

why? Why is it important? 🤔

What a sad world we live in where we automatically think the worst of everyone. I held a baby in a shop recently for a frazzled mum as her older child had special needs & was having a medical episode. Sometimes you need to just trust that people want to help. I've also held babies on planes, trains, & outside toilets for parents. I am a mum myself which automatically makes other mums trust you a bit more I think, and I'm also in Scotland where people generally are quite friendly (in my opinion) OP your baby is fine. The risks were minimal & you made a judgement call. Your partner sounds like an idiot.

Oh goodness its fine. It was an appropriate decision at the time.

I have done similar- in a super market- toddler needed the loo so I left baby in the trolley of food with the ladies on customer service. She was fussed over and entertained!
All absolutely fine!