Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

457 replies

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:17

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

OP posts:
angelinaballerina7 · 21/08/2024 21:45

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:39

Well maybe she will think twice next time about treating her eldest child like shit infront of others

Show quote history

It’s you that needs to think twice tbh.

Nowordsformethanks · 21/08/2024 21:44

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:40

Yeah tbf It seemed fair game due to the comments about the child's potentially nd disorder.

Show quote history

Once again, OP is annoyed by something she also does and she can't see the irony in it. Lol

CandyLeBonBon · 21/08/2024 21:43

Well maybe she will think twice next time about treating her eldest child like shit infront of others

Jesus Christ - you think this is justification for shouting, swearing and MAKING THREATS?

I feel sorry for your kids frankly op. And I say that as someone else who's been diagnosed with EUPD. Carry on like this and social services will be involved, if they're not already.

Gogogo12345 · 21/08/2024 21:43

ilovesooty · 21/08/2024 21:28

I suspect hell will freeze over first. She probably doesn't want anyone with such poorly regulated behaviour anywhere near her children.

Show quote history

I should doubt many people would want to associate with her and a badly behaved child like that either.

I certainly wouldn't want to visit a friend and put up with that

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:40

XenoBitch · 21/08/2024 21:29

I can see your point, OP.... but you were a guest in your friend's house. It is not up to guests to discipline the host's children. And I bet anything that your friend let her possibly ND DD get away with changing the channel because you were there and she wanted a calm environment for her DD and yourself. If her DD had kicked off and had a meltdown, I bet you would be still posting on here but about that instead.
It could be different when you are not there, but like a few PP have said, with ND children you have to play the long game. There are probably times that your friend is a little more strict.

I used to meet a friend in a cafe, and she would let her small boy go up to other tables and basically be a pain in the arse. I had to bite my tongue, as she was my friend... but inside I was judging her parenting.

BTW, I have a BPD diagnosis too. Some of the comments about people with BPD on this thread are shocking and really are tarring us all with the same brush.

Yeah tbf It seemed fair game due to the comments about the child's potentially nd disorder.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:39

angelinaballerina7 · 21/08/2024 21:35

so you threatened someone, in front of children, because they changed the tv channel and you didn’t like it? And you want people to agree that YANBU? Seems entirely reasonable, crack on…

If you didn’t like it, all you had to do was calmly leave fgs. Not the disgusting display you put on.

Show quote history

Well maybe she will think twice next time about treating her eldest child like shit infront of others

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 21/08/2024 21:39

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:36

The comments about people with bpd on this thread are mainly from people who work in mh or the nhs I'm pretty use to this sort of crap from medical professionals. I just let it go in one ear and out the other

Show quote history

I have heard shitty stuff from MH professionals too. There is so much stigma around the diagnosis. But that is a topic for another thread!

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:36

XenoBitch · 21/08/2024 21:29

I can see your point, OP.... but you were a guest in your friend's house. It is not up to guests to discipline the host's children. And I bet anything that your friend let her possibly ND DD get away with changing the channel because you were there and she wanted a calm environment for her DD and yourself. If her DD had kicked off and had a meltdown, I bet you would be still posting on here but about that instead.
It could be different when you are not there, but like a few PP have said, with ND children you have to play the long game. There are probably times that your friend is a little more strict.

I used to meet a friend in a cafe, and she would let her small boy go up to other tables and basically be a pain in the arse. I had to bite my tongue, as she was my friend... but inside I was judging her parenting.

BTW, I have a BPD diagnosis too. Some of the comments about people with BPD on this thread are shocking and really are tarring us all with the same brush.

The comments about people with bpd on this thread are mainly from people who work in mh or the nhs I'm pretty use to this sort of crap from medical professionals. I just let it go in one ear and out the other

OP posts:
Nowordsformethanks · 21/08/2024 21:35

I think OP's overreaction skewed the votes. People are probably voting on that more than the kid or her mum.

angelinaballerina7 · 21/08/2024 21:35

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:43

I honestly don't remember I never do when I act like that but it usually involves a lot of shouting, swearing and threats

Show quote history

so you threatened someone, in front of children, because they changed the tv channel and you didn’t like it? And you want people to agree that YANBU? Seems entirely reasonable, crack on…

If you didn’t like it, all you had to do was calmly leave fgs. Not the disgusting display you put on.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/08/2024 21:34

Whatifitallgoesright · 21/08/2024 21:30

I'm really surprised at 58% of you thinking she was being unreasonable. The 5yr old must be obeyed?

Nobody thinks that. They just think losing your shit in front of four kids probably isn't the best way of handling the situation.

Whatifitallgoesright · 21/08/2024 21:30

I'm really surprised at 58% of you thinking she was being unreasonable. The 5yr old must be obeyed?

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:30

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:29

She'll think you're absolutely insane she won't be knocking 😂😂

Show quote history

🤣🤣 probably not

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 21/08/2024 21:29

I can see your point, OP.... but you were a guest in your friend's house. It is not up to guests to discipline the host's children. And I bet anything that your friend let her possibly ND DD get away with changing the channel because you were there and she wanted a calm environment for her DD and yourself. If her DD had kicked off and had a meltdown, I bet you would be still posting on here but about that instead.
It could be different when you are not there, but like a few PP have said, with ND children you have to play the long game. There are probably times that your friend is a little more strict.

I used to meet a friend in a cafe, and she would let her small boy go up to other tables and basically be a pain in the arse. I had to bite my tongue, as she was my friend... but inside I was judging her parenting.

BTW, I have a BPD diagnosis too. Some of the comments about people with BPD on this thread are shocking and really are tarring us all with the same brush.

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:29

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:28

She knows where I live

Show quote history

She'll think you're absolutely insane she won't be knocking 😂😂

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:28

Nowordsformethanks · 21/08/2024 21:26

If you've blocked her on everything, how can she apologise if she wanted to?

She knows where I live

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 21/08/2024 21:28

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:24

Iv blocked her on everything and I won't be apologising if she wants to apologise to me I will listen

Show quote history

I suspect hell will freeze over first. She probably doesn't want anyone with such poorly regulated behaviour anywhere near her children.

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:27

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:19

Therapy for bpd is very varied in the UK. Unfortunately where I live dbt or Stepps or anything for that matter doesn't exist so iv had trauma therapy, emotional regulation and mindfulness and that's about it my years under mh services have mainly consisted of my cpn checking I'm alive and taking my meds and the crisis team stepping in and out when needed.

Show quote history

It sounds horrible and I wish you nothing but luck! Medication can be effective! But combined with the best diet/exercise/,supplements/essential oils/relaxation techniques and support networks you'll be more in control! Fish oils for example are great for mental health disorders. You should try eveeeeeerything. I know somebody with a panic disorder who went down the breathing techniques and aromatherapy routine and it worked for them when Medication didn't.

Nowordsformethanks · 21/08/2024 21:26

If you've blocked her on everything, how can she apologise if she wanted to?

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:24

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:08

Oh and don't apologise!! she'll likely only accept due to finding you very scarey mary and will be constantly waiting for the next explosion! Block her/unfriend on social media don't Subject her and her young children to anymore outbursts. You'll be the talk of the town tonight!

Iv blocked her on everything and I won't be apologising if she wants to apologise to me I will listen

OP posts:
BotterMon · 21/08/2024 21:22

You were at her house so her rules.

You handled it badly OTOH I do agree that parents need to parent which is often sadly lacking but this wasn't the time or the place to kick off.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:22

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 21:20

I also wonder how accurate OP's perception of her friend , her parenting and the DD's behaviour are , given her responses on this thread.

She seems to jump to conclusions and see only what she wants to see.

What I wrote is exactly what happened

OP posts:
User623 · 21/08/2024 21:21

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 21:20

I also wonder how accurate OP's perception of her friend , her parenting and the DD's behaviour are , given her responses on this thread.

She seems to jump to conclusions and see only what she wants to see.

Her behaviour is a symptom of her condition. Inexcusable though.

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 21:20

I also wonder how accurate OP's perception of her friend , her parenting and the DD's behaviour are , given her responses on this thread.

She seems to jump to conclusions and see only what she wants to see.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 21:19

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 21:15

Logically I can't see somebody being all smug and superior than then going for somebody who's constantly enraged surely they'd want an ego stroke not a wailing match lol. My sons father is both bpd and an absolute narcissistic ( he openly admits it to ) anyway therapy didn't work for him either! What else have you tried?

Show quote history

Therapy for bpd is very varied in the UK. Unfortunately where I live dbt or Stepps or anything for that matter doesn't exist so iv had trauma therapy, emotional regulation and mindfulness and that's about it my years under mh services have mainly consisted of my cpn checking I'm alive and taking my meds and the crisis team stepping in and out when needed.

OP posts: