Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

457 replies

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:17

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

OP posts:
LostGardens · 22/08/2024 11:04

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:55

Iv been on mumsnet years I'm not a troll. Do you honestly think her son will want anything to do with her when he grows up and her daughter will likely end up either an incapable unemployed single adult whos still living at home in her 30s or in prison as in the real world people won't give her everything she wants

Show quote history

There are plenty of people who were a little spoiled or whatever as kids who are perfectly functional adults.

I doubt there are many perfectly functional adults who witnessed regular unpredictable outbursts of rage, including name calling, from their mother over absolutely nothing at all. Or who had parents so completely incapable of modeling normal day to day interactions with others. At the very least they’re going to need a lot of support to recover from their childhood.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 11:03

WaitingForMojo · 22/08/2024 11:00

You’re not modelling assertive behaviour or healthy boundaries here. You’re modelling aggression, which is very different.

Do they know not to give shit, as well as not to take it?

Show quote history

They've been taught you never start a fight but you always know how to finish one

OP posts:
WaitingForMojo · 22/08/2024 11:03

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:56

Because I am right

Show quote history

You’re not.

But somehow i don’t think you’re going to take that on board. You’re so far from right that I doubt this is real.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 11:02

BowlOfNoodles · 22/08/2024 10:59

It was a great shame beuse the mother was great company! But the child wouid persistently cut into conversations moooooom mooooooom, was a really picky eater to everybody was expected to eat where a 9 year old wanted to, just a real vacuum of joy! Me personally I will absolutely ignore moronic behaviour no response at all, no looking in your direction no response at all intill the behaviour is correct and I'll tell you what my kids got it and have zero tantrums because it's a waste of energy!

Show quote history

My kids don't tantrum either they know theirs no point

OP posts:
WaitingForMojo · 22/08/2024 11:00

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:47

My kids no how to stand up for themselves and not take shit of others

Show quote history

You’re not modelling assertive behaviour or healthy boundaries here. You’re modelling aggression, which is very different.

Do they know not to give shit, as well as not to take it?

LostGardens · 22/08/2024 11:00

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:57

It's not a separate thing it's the reason for my reaction

Show quote history

Your reaction was immeasurably more damaging to all the children present than the original incident. Don’t see how you can’t see that.

PointsSouth · 22/08/2024 10:59

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:56

Because I am right

Show quote history

Then why post in AIBU?

BowlOfNoodles · 22/08/2024 10:59

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:50

It's so hard to be around it. Kids having tantrums doesn't bother me. Kick scream cry for an hour if you want I'm not given you attention for it. But parents who just give in at every little whim really piss me off especially when it impacts others

Show quote history

It was a great shame beuse the mother was great company! But the child wouid persistently cut into conversations moooooom mooooooom, was a really picky eater to everybody was expected to eat where a 9 year old wanted to, just a real vacuum of joy! Me personally I will absolutely ignore moronic behaviour no response at all, no looking in your direction no response at all intill the behaviour is correct and I'll tell you what my kids got it and have zero tantrums because it's a waste of energy!

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:57

LostGardens · 22/08/2024 10:56

An adult-sized child like the OP you mean?

Can only imagine you have not read all the OP’s posts as I can’t imagine how anyone could think she is being reasonable. Even if you think the friend was being unreasonable, which is a separate thing.

Show quote history

It's not a separate thing it's the reason for my reaction

OP posts:
Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:56

PointsSouth · 22/08/2024 10:51

This isn't really an AIBU then.

It's more a OIRI. Obviously I'm Right Innit?

Show quote history

Because I am right

OP posts:
LostGardens · 22/08/2024 10:56

graceinspace999 · 22/08/2024 10:52

She should not let her child set rules for everyone else. Every child needs firm boundaries and taking turns is part of this.

Watching TV is a privilege which should be taken away for bad behaviour.

Does your friend want to end up with an adult-sized child who screams until they get what they want?

Show quote history

An adult-sized child like the OP you mean?

Can only imagine you have not read all the OP’s posts as I can’t imagine how anyone could think she is being reasonable. Even if you think the friend was being unreasonable, which is a separate thing.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:55

LostGardens · 22/08/2024 10:44

On the off-chance this is not a troll post, you sound like a worse parent than her. Yes her approach maybe isn’t ideal but I guarantee you she’ll have a better relationship with her kids than you when you they grow up.

The way you behave will be incredibly scary, unpredictable and humiliating for your children. By your own admission you have serious mental health issues yet you are unwilling to acknowledge the immense impact these will have on your children and make any attempt to mitigate.

The story you have told here is just one of many your children will be telling in therapy in years to come.

Iv been on mumsnet years I'm not a troll. Do you honestly think her son will want anything to do with her when he grows up and her daughter will likely end up either an incapable unemployed single adult whos still living at home in her 30s or in prison as in the real world people won't give her everything she wants

OP posts:
graceinspace999 · 22/08/2024 10:52

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

She should not let her child set rules for everyone else. Every child needs firm boundaries and taking turns is part of this.

Watching TV is a privilege which should be taken away for bad behaviour.

Does your friend want to end up with an adult-sized child who screams until they get what they want?

PointsSouth · 22/08/2024 10:51

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

This isn't really an AIBU then.

It's more a OIRI. Obviously I'm Right Innit?

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:50

BowlOfNoodles · 22/08/2024 10:47

I remember walking home from a park with a former friend and her 9 year old who kept moaning to be picked up and she literally carried this healthy spoilt child for 30 minutes ( usually a 15 minutes walk ) I often wonder how that child behaves nower days lol I wasn't able to tolerate it!

Show quote history

It's so hard to be around it. Kids having tantrums doesn't bother me. Kick scream cry for an hour if you want I'm not given you attention for it. But parents who just give in at every little whim really piss me off especially when it impacts others

OP posts:
Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:47

LostGardens · 22/08/2024 10:45

Worry about your own children ending up in controlling and abusive relationships. That’s the behaviour you’re modelling for them.

Show quote history

My kids no how to stand up for themselves and not take shit of others

OP posts:
BowlOfNoodles · 22/08/2024 10:47

Nowordsformethanks · 22/08/2024 10:37

She's raising her into a monster. The fact that she smirks at him means she knows what she's doing and how to do it. The poor boy won't waste anytime leaving them to it once he's of age and hopefully, she's still able to see him even for a minute after he's gone.

He's learned to put up and shut up (and likely counting his days to freedom).

Show quote history

I remember walking home from a park with a former friend and her 9 year old who kept moaning to be picked up and she literally carried this healthy spoilt child for 30 minutes ( usually a 15 minutes walk ) I often wonder how that child behaves nower days lol I wasn't able to tolerate it!

LostGardens · 22/08/2024 10:45

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:44

I just worry for his future as he's been brought up to put up and shut up so if when he's older he ends up in a relationship with a controlling abusive partner he's not going to have any skills to protect himself

Show quote history

Worry about your own children ending up in controlling and abusive relationships. That’s the behaviour you’re modelling for them.

LostGardens · 22/08/2024 10:44

On the off-chance this is not a troll post, you sound like a worse parent than her. Yes her approach maybe isn’t ideal but I guarantee you she’ll have a better relationship with her kids than you when you they grow up.

The way you behave will be incredibly scary, unpredictable and humiliating for your children. By your own admission you have serious mental health issues yet you are unwilling to acknowledge the immense impact these will have on your children and make any attempt to mitigate.

The story you have told here is just one of many your children will be telling in therapy in years to come.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:44

Nowordsformethanks · 22/08/2024 10:37

She's raising her into a monster. The fact that she smirks at him means she knows what she's doing and how to do it. The poor boy won't waste anytime leaving them to it once he's of age and hopefully, she's still able to see him even for a minute after he's gone.

He's learned to put up and shut up (and likely counting his days to freedom).

Show quote history

I just worry for his future as he's been brought up to put up and shut up so if when he's older he ends up in a relationship with a controlling abusive partner he's not going to have any skills to protect himself

OP posts:
Nowordsformethanks · 22/08/2024 10:37

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:06

It happens all the time like when their supposed to be going somewhere but princess decides she doesn't want to so they don't go. If she wants to play with something he has. I think she does it on purpose because she always looks at him with a smirk when mum sides with her. If where all sat in the garden and she wants to go in but wont go in on her own she wants everyone to go in with her. If he's ever of school she refuses to go to. She wont go to bed until he does she will never allow any one on one time between mum and son. And the mum allows all this to happen and the son just gives in everytime as he's been taught to not upset her

Show quote history

She's raising her into a monster. The fact that she smirks at him means she knows what she's doing and how to do it. The poor boy won't waste anytime leaving them to it once he's of age and hopefully, she's still able to see him even for a minute after he's gone.

He's learned to put up and shut up (and likely counting his days to freedom).

Bumblebeestiltskin · 22/08/2024 10:37

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:31

I didn't have parents to parent me

Show quote history

That's becoming very apparent 😞

Bumblebeestiltskin · 22/08/2024 10:32

Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 09:55

What's so wrong with the word brat I say it to my kids all the time if their acting like brats

Show quote history

God, your poor kids.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 22/08/2024 10:31

IfIHadAHeart · 22/08/2024 10:26

It’s a shame your parents didn’t “parent” you…

I didn't have parents to parent me

OP posts:
IfIHadAHeart · 22/08/2024 10:26

It’s a shame your parents didn’t “parent” you…

Swipe left for the next trending thread