I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

Lots of kids still struggle with their emotions at 5. Hell, so do a lot of adults. The OP being a fine example!

You said kids that tantrum grow into difficult adults. You didn’t mention age.

Anyway Dd is ND. Million tantrums a day. Shes 18 now and lovely.

Firstly she started it

Are you still in primary school?

She gets to parent her kids how she wants. If you think there is actual neglect going on (and nothing in your post would indicate that to me) then report it. If you just don’t like how she parents, don’t spend time with her.

YABVU to call any small child a brat.

You also need to work on your anger management, as whatever techniques you currently use don’t seem very effective.

This is such crap.

Ds was master of tantrum at 2. He’s 30 now, kind, generous, loving. Not in the least demanding.

All you did is shut them down rather than helping them learn.

I have to agree. Also letting children as young as 6 month cry while ignoring them is likely to have negative impact on their development. At that age they need safety of knowledge that their parent is there for them and the parent needs to teach them how to self-regulate rather than ignoring them to teach them that crying won't get them what they want. Kinda hard to do when the parent doesn't know how to self-regulate themselves, though.
Seems like both sets of kids had some tough luck.

Is threatening people because you don’t like their parenting how you finish a fight? I don’t get what you don’t get here, most people don’t agree with her not saying no to her daughter, but you don’t seem to have anyone who thinks screaming and threatening is the way to go about it.

Your kids probably don’t tantrum or tell you they aren’t happy because this is how you behave when you’re not pleased. It is vile, and you need to give your head a wobble - who’s going to let their kids be friends with yours if they need to interact with someone who’s screaming/swearing/making threats if she doesn’t like something? But fantastic, you’ve died on a hill (and brought your kids down with you) over something that really isn’t your concern.

My cousin’s got BPD. I think people with the condition often have intense relationships with people that are kind of all or nothing.

She falls out with people with the same sort of ‘dead to me’ attitude that OP has, over what most people would consider to be quite mild issues.

I'm amazed you've got any friends at all tbh op.

Your friend was passive.

You were aggressive.

Both extremes are unhealthy and unhelpful for parenting.

Nobody is disagreeing with you that parents need to parent, and she should have been more assertive with her younger child, but you have confused it with being aggressive.

You're really messing up your kids OP with your abusive behaviour. Looking 'hard' is clearly a priority to you, your children's wellbeing is not. The are learning from you to expect shouting, swearing, threats and I'm sure violence from the people that are supposed to love them. Either you can manage your condition well enough to provide your DC with a stable life or you explain to professionals that your condition means you are unable to give your children what they need. You have an awful lot of growing up to do, no child deserves to grow up like yours are.

Exactly.

This.

ALL children tantrum at some point of their life. And it's actually not always because they don't get their own way etc, sometimes it's because they actually can't express their feelings/tell us what's wrong the way an adult can and SHOULD know how to do respectfully, or they're frightened, overwhelmed, need reassurance. Sometimes all it takes is to take a minute and listen to them, and talk to them calmly instead of ignoring them so they think they will get nowhere all the time with the people who are closest to them.

I'm a huge fan of grab ya coats kids!
It gives the mother time to reflect on how embarrassing it is to have her 5 year old driving people away!

My kids don't tantrum either they know theirs no point

And you think that's a good thing? It's a developmental phase that ALL kids go through at various points in their lives. Even really nice, well behaved (older) children that never cause issues.

Hell, you're a grown ass woman and you're still throwing tantrums whenever and wherever the mood strikes.

I don’t agree with the way your friend chose to parent - but that is her choice and it as her house and if it is causing you an issue (which it celery was) then distancing yourself was the right thing to do

however

you should have addressed it with the parent and not taken the remote from a child, if they were still not prepared to act you leave your don’t shout / scream and then leave.

you seem very concerned about how your friends actions impact her eldest child - have you considered how your actions impact your own children?

LMAO

This is crazy.
The fact you think you're right anyway regardless what we say, and your first reply to someone on this thread was "lol, I can't believe you all think I'm being unreasonable" or something alike.
You posted. You asked for opinions. You got them.
You're tarnishing the way your friend parents but also gathering by some things you have said in regards to your temper etc infront of children, you're no better.

On that we can agree 👍

Princess complex children are absolutely unbearable! I did diplomatically tell her the friendship couldn't continue as it was really taxing for my own children hearing all that shit. Now regardless of if you are right or wrong I'd say you are incompatible as friends as the child is irritating you and her kids only cute to her! I'd consider it a stress that you can drop and a blessing 🙌 for the brain 🧠

You literally did start a fight.

You sound like the kind of uncontrolled person who can’t hold down a job and ends up in prison repeatedly. And you sound like you’re teaching your children to be the same.