Page 16 | I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

Differentstarts · 2024-08-21T18:17:39+00:00

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 19:58

I never said she's a crappy parent but she's always been hard on him and the poor kid never does anything wrong. But little princess can do no wrong or ever told no or be upset

What you describe(if true) IS crap parenting, and guess what? It has fuck all to do with SEND .

Your little rant on here is just as ill advised as the one you had in her home.

LittleMousewithcloggson · 21/08/2024 19:57

You ask if you are being unreasonable but won’t accept it when people say you are.

Whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant. You cannot behave that way in someone else’s house and towards someone else’s child. You also don’t have the right to judge someone else so strongly - not one of us is perfect as a parent!

Your friend is now probably thinking you are the one who doesn’t know how to parent due to the behaviour you showed in front of your kids….

SamPoodle123 · 21/08/2024 19:57

YABU. You are an adult. Also, it is not your house. Of course, I would think the friend should not have let the 5 year old do this, but it is not your place to handle it. I would have been annoyed, but not gotten involved, esp if the older children were not upset by it. I think you made more of an issue of it then it really was.

Original poster

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:56

Livelovebehappy · 21/08/2024 19:55

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. Sounds like her poor eldest is always having to accommodate the other child’s wants, and clearly that’s why the child does it, because they know they hold the power. There are other ways to manage their behaviour instead of just giving way to them at the expense of everyone else. Your friend is doing the child a huge disservice- as they grow older, and interact with other children outside the family, they’re not going to get their own way, and other children will distance themselves. Sounds like she’s creating a monster. Rather than argue with your friend though, I would have just got my dcs and left, and made a note to myself not to mix with her going forward.

Thankyou exactly this

OP posts:

Walkaround · 21/08/2024 19:55

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:52

It teaches them not to be walk overs and to stand up for others why should the oldest kids have their film ruined

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You ruined the film, not the 5-year old. Absolutely nobody would have enjoyed watching the film after your toddler tantrum.

SweetBirdsong · 21/08/2024 19:55

@Differentstarts · Today 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

Dontcha just love Mumsnet.

OP: 'AIBU???'

Most posters: 'Yes you are being very unreasonable!'

OP: 'No I'm not, I'm being perfectly reasonable, and you're all wrong. I can't believe you think I'm being unreasonable! How fucking DARE you?!'

😂

Livelovebehappy · 21/08/2024 19:55

I agree with a lot of what you are saying. Sounds like her poor eldest is always having to accommodate the other child’s wants, and clearly that’s why the child does it, because they know they hold the power. There are other ways to manage their behaviour instead of just giving way to them at the expense of everyone else. Your friend is doing the child a huge disservice- as they grow older, and interact with other children outside the family, they’re not going to get their own way, and other children will distance themselves. Sounds like she’s creating a monster. Rather than argue with your friend though, I would have just got my dcs and left, and made a note to myself not to mix with her going forward.

Original poster

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:55

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 19:52

@Differentstarts is she's such a crappy parent how come she raised her eldest into such a decent child ?

He/she was even trying to manage you during your little display ffs.

I never said she's a crappy parent but she's always been hard on him and the poor kid never does anything wrong. But little princess can do no wrong or ever told no or be upset

OP posts:

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 19:52

@Differentstarts is she's such a crappy parent how come she raised her eldest into such a decent child ?

He/she was even trying to manage you during your little display ffs.

Original poster

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:52

Springadorable · 21/08/2024 19:50

You're right that she should have intervened. It's not ok for the younger child to dictate and strop. But it's much worse that you reacted how you did. What does that teach your children, given that it's proven children model their behaviour and relationships on what they see from their parents. Yours was the more damaging behaviour.

It teaches them not to be walk overs and to stand up for others why should the oldest kids have their film ruined

OP posts:

Springadorable · 21/08/2024 19:50

You're right that she should have intervened. It's not ok for the younger child to dictate and strop. But it's much worse that you reacted how you did. What does that teach your children, given that it's proven children model their behaviour and relationships on what they see from their parents. Yours was the more damaging behaviour.

Branleuse · 21/08/2024 19:50

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:49

Not performance discipline actual discipline

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Arrogance of it.

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 19:50

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:48

Yes I should of but it still doesn't mean what she did was ok

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It's abit of tele ultimately... personally if you have lost ya shit in somebody else's home and with their kids you've absolutely lost any highground you're lucky you wasn't assaulted tbh.

permanently · 21/08/2024 19:50

Your children heard the whole thing, played out in a friend's home. You've some apologising to do I'd say.

Original poster

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:49

Branleuse · 21/08/2024 19:48

It was her house and you were a guest. You had no right to kick off like that.

Your ex friend knew that her kid would kick off and clearly just wanted to keep it low conflict rather than a scene in front of everyone. You wanted her to do some sort of performance discipline, and created conflict yourself.
You are incredibly rude. How dare you!

Not performance discipline actual discipline

OP posts:

FumingTRex · 21/08/2024 19:49

You lost any high ground by acting like the 5 year old yourself.

Branleuse · 21/08/2024 19:49

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:42

I never said it was ok for me to lose my shit

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Maybe your mum parented you badly?

5128gap · 21/08/2024 19:48

You are right OP. If parents dont teach their children appropriate social behaviour and how to control their emotions and use manners, they grow up into adults just like you.

Original poster

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:48

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 19:45

You don't lose ya shit in other people's home I'm afraid. What you should of done is said alright kids let's go!

Yes I should of but it still doesn't mean what she did was ok

OP posts:

Branleuse · 21/08/2024 19:48

It was her house and you were a guest. You had no right to kick off like that.

Your ex friend knew that her kid would kick off and clearly just wanted to keep it low conflict rather than a scene in front of everyone. You wanted her to do some sort of performance discipline, and created conflict yourself.
You are incredibly rude. How dare you!

DragonFly98 · 21/08/2024 19:47

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

Her eldest wasn't getting treated like shit, they will grow up to be compassionate to those with disabilities unlike yourself. When you have disabled dc you pick you battles and watching the rest of a movie later really isn't a big deal.

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 19:45

You don't lose ya shit in other people's home I'm afraid. What you should of done is said alright kids let's go!

Mrsttcno1 · 21/08/2024 19:43

YABU.

If you can’t even control your temper as a grown adult with a child, you’re a hypocrite of the highest order to expect a 5 year old to control theirs with potential ND.

Also if you were kicking off with me in my own house over my parenting choices, I’d have quite physically kicked you straight out the door. What an arsehole.

x2boys · 21/08/2024 19:43

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

Because its not your house or child.

Gilbertwasawuss · 21/08/2024 19:43

YABU.
You were in someone else's home. You don't undermine her in her own house.

You can disagree with her parenting and distance yourself from the friendship in general due to it... but in this particular instance you are in the wrong and handled it badly.