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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

457 replies

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:17

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

OP posts:
Strictlymad · 21/08/2024 20:21

I don’t think you’re wrong, I to feel very sorry for compliant older siblings having to roll over/have their Lego broken/colouring ruined by younger (tantrumimh) siblings. Mum gets a quiet life while eldest suffers. I don’t think your way of handling it was ideal op but I stand by what you intended

Vivi89 · 21/08/2024 20:21

Sorry but your post stinks of someone privileged to have NT children and therefore doesn’t have ND adding a massive layer of complexity to the already extremely tough job that is parenting.

So does your attitude stink towards people who identify as a different sex by the sounds of it.

YABU. Your friend was probably just peace keeping. Sounds like you’re the one in the wrong here.

Bex5490 · 21/08/2024 20:21

I can’t imagine anyone I know doing this. I think you were a very rude guest to think that it was your decision to make.

I thought the kid was going to have hit someone or done something terrible. Maybe your friend thought that in order for all of you to enjoy a nice day together this was the easiest solution? She may have handled the situation differently without guests there.

Why was it your choice to make?

Puffalicious · 21/08/2024 20:21

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 21/08/2024 20:09

Yabu.
Not your house, your tv or your rules.

This is a regular occurrence in our house, it’s a massive issue but DS5 with ASD / Autism hasn’t learnt to wait or take turns yet. He just has huge meltdowns which can quickly become violent.

when it’s just family at home we follow a routine of enforcing a short waiting time that he is able to manage because regularly practicing this is helping him slowly develop this skill). Then he has a turn. Then DD gets to finish her programme.

however, if we had people over we wouldn’t do this. DS is already heightened by having people over and less able to tolerate things. So I’d not have challenged him as it could have be violent meltdown within seconds which I would rather avoid in front of guests.

it’s not a case of not parenting. It’s a case of parenting in the way which is needed in that particular circumstance.

Absolutely this. If you don't have an ND child you have no idea of their reality.

Angry, shouting person = no friend of mine. Angry, shouty person in my own home= damaging to my children.

GivingitToGod · 21/08/2024 20:20

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:16

I'm not apologising she should be apologising to the 2 eldest children for not sticking up for them

Show quote history

Your response confirms what I said in the post; you have a complete lack of insight/understanding.

Goodwitchglenda · 21/08/2024 20:20

Walkaround · 21/08/2024 20:19

OP - you appear to have very inflexible, black and white opinions and extreme difficulty regulating your emotions. Any views on what might have caused your issues?

Hahahaha incredible

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:19

2AND2GC · 21/08/2024 20:17

YABU

You're at her house, she's in charge.

If she and her kids are annoying to be around then just see less of them - or meet them at the park, where it's neutral territory and you can make your excuses and wrap things up when you've had enough.

Not the right thing - at all - for you to lose your cool and boot off.

She's not in charge of mistreating my kid just because it's her house

OP posts:
soupfiend · 21/08/2024 20:19

Where does it say the child is ND of any sort (which is a wide range of disorders anyway, meaningless keep saying someone is ND)

StrawberrySwitch · 21/08/2024 20:19

Her house, her rules. Picking up the remote and just changing it back was incredibly rude and stemmed from your completely negative judgement of her parenting. Losing your shit in front of kids is prettt shit parenting too. Who is worse? The parent who is overly passive or overly aggressive?

You are not her friend. I doubt she will forgive you for this. I wouldn’t.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/08/2024 20:19

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:18

I don't believe it's some made up rubbish but I believe her daughters behaviour is purely to do with being a spoilt brat and nothing more

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So what? It’s not your family and none of your business.

Allthingsdecember · 21/08/2024 20:19

You had a temper tantrum because you didn't agree with another mum's parenting decision made in her own house?

Honestly, that sounds like the bigger issue here.

NowImNotDoingIt · 21/08/2024 20:19

I stuck up for the other kids as she clearly wasn't going to. The bottom line is if you don't discipline your kids others will

You didn't discipline.

You made it all about you. Your feelings, your thoughts, your anger . You couldn't stand it anymore. You couldn't handle it anymore. The way it made you feel.

So you threw a temper tantrum, like an overwhelmed toddler.

That is not discipline.

Walkaround · 21/08/2024 20:19

OP - you appear to have very inflexible, black and white opinions and extreme difficulty regulating your emotions. Any views on what might have caused your issues?

Spotlightt · 21/08/2024 20:19

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:14

I stuck up for the other kids as she clearly wasn't going to. The bottom line is if you don't discipline your kids others will

Show quote history

No others won't, it's none of their fucking business.

Puffalicious · 21/08/2024 20:18

Hobnobswantshernameback · 21/08/2024 20:06

Would have
could have
should have

Yes! It's driving me mental!

cestlavielife · 21/08/2024 20:18

Her house her rules

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:18

Hoursneeded · 21/08/2024 20:15

'I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth' this makes it sound like you believe ND is some made up rubbish.

If you carry on behaving like you did at your friends house today, your own DC will grow up pretty messed up and likely no contact with you. So maybe focus on your own parenting and start a thread on that. People in glass houses..

I don't believe it's some made up rubbish but I believe her daughters behaviour is purely to do with being a spoilt brat and nothing more

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 21/08/2024 20:17

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

Oh another one who thinks they're NBU regardless of what anyone says.

It wasn't your house.

The child might be ND but it's not for you to make parenting decisions.

You're an adult - get a grip on your behaviour and your anger issues.

HumanLeagues · 21/08/2024 20:17

If you don’t want to continue with the friendship that’s fair enough but as others have pointed out, I personally think your friend deserves an apology for how you behaved in her house. YABU

Guavafish1 · 21/08/2024 20:17

You should not have behaved in such a manner… there not excuse.

Im sure she will also be happy to have you out of her life too.

2AND2GC · 21/08/2024 20:17

YABU

You're at her house, she's in charge.

If she and her kids are annoying to be around then just see less of them - or meet them at the park, where it's neutral territory and you can make your excuses and wrap things up when you've had enough.

Not the right thing - at all - for you to lose your cool and boot off.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/08/2024 20:16

Frenzi · 21/08/2024 20:13

I completely agree with you. A ND child becomes an ND adult and the world is an unforgiving place. Boundaries need to be set.

There is another current thread on here with a mum going away with her two adult children and her sons friend - who is being a nightmare and they think is probably ND. People are saying terrible behaviour, send him home.

So how does letting a ND child get away with anything to make life easy become a ND adult that acts unacceptably. You cant have one without the other!

An ND adult can usually manage to some extent their emotions and overwhelm.

An ND child can’t. This is the difference.

Mine was a hard ND child and is an utterly lovely adult. What changed? She grew up,

Muthaofcats · 21/08/2024 20:16

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:14

I stuck up for the other kids as she clearly wasn't going to. The bottom line is if you don't discipline your kids others will

Show quote history

I have no issue with disciplining other peoples kids or others doing so to mine, but discipline doesn’t mean ‘kicking off’. You can do it with kindness and respect which is not what you did at all. You sound like you acted like a bully.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:16

GivingitToGod · 21/08/2024 20:14

Hi OP, you seem to lack any appreciation or insight into the needs of children with special needs who may require a different type of parenting according to their needs.
And it was completely wrong for you to take the remote control out of child's hand! You owe your friend an apology

I'm not apologising she should be apologising to the 2 eldest children for not sticking up for them

OP posts:
Hoursneeded · 21/08/2024 20:15

'I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth' this makes it sound like you believe ND is some made up rubbish.

If you carry on behaving like you did at your friends house today, your own DC will grow up pretty messed up and likely no contact with you. So maybe focus on your own parenting and start a thread on that. People in glass houses..