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AIBU?

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Original poster

I don't care what issues your kid has you still need to parent them

457 replies

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:17

I'm fuming just had a massive argument with my now ex friend because she won't parent her kid. I don't care if your kid is ND, NT or identifies as a tablecloth you still need to parent them. I was at my friends this afternoon with my kids 7 and 4 and her kids 9 and 5. Our eldest kids where sat together nicely watching a film and youngest 2 where playing. Her 5 year old suddenly decides she wants to watch telly and picks the remote control up and changes the channel. My friends response was to the eldest 2 just let her otherwise she will kick off you can watch the rest later. Her eldest just accepted this he's clearly use to it. However I'm not accepting that so I took the remote and put the film back on so with that screaming and tears
Her eldest was agreeing with his mum and saying it's OK I don't mind Which was also annoying me. Then my friend started having a go at me how iv upset her daughter and how the kids didn't even mind watching it later. I struggle with anger issues so at this point I'm losing my shit at her (I know I shouldn't have) and I got my kids and left. I'm still fuming. I know I should of just left straight away but come on what is wrong with people

Yabu. If the eldest 2 where happy to watch it later you should of gone along with it
Yanbu she needs to discipline her daughter

OP posts:
Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:28

Goodwitchglenda · 21/08/2024 20:24

And do you think people should make allowances for your bad behaviour because of your diagnosed condition? Does it justify your children having to witness your rage outbursts?
How did your parents parent you?

Show quote history

No I don't think people should make allowances for me because of my condition

OP posts:
CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 21/08/2024 20:28

Frenzi · 21/08/2024 20:22

But how do they learn to regulate if they are not taught?

Do we just let them get away with whatever until 18 and then say, hey you are an adult - regulate yourself

Show quote history

It’s a very long journey of tiny bits of progress based on what they’re able to manage as they continue to develop.

Flossyts · 21/08/2024 20:27

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 19:23

I can't believe your all saying I'm being unreasonable why should her eldest kid get treat like shit just because she can't be bothered to parent her youngest

I think everyone agrees that your friend was not correct….. however your reaction was inappropriate. Rude in someone’s else’s home.

FleetwoodCam · 21/08/2024 20:27

MrsBosomworth · 21/08/2024 20:10

I don't think you were unreasonable at all. Too many parents are too keen to put labels on their unruly offspring to excuse their shitty, bratty behaviour. I dread to think what 'Mummy's Little Princess' is going to be like when she's an adult.

Well "Mummy's little Princess" is likely to turn out just like OP I'd say.

Puffalicious · 21/08/2024 20:27

Walkaround · 21/08/2024 20:19

OP - you appear to have very inflexible, black and white opinions and extreme difficulty regulating your emotions. Any views on what might have caused your issues?

Yup.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/08/2024 20:27

I stuck up for the other kids as she clearly wasn't going to. The bottom line is if you don't discipline your kids others will

The arrogance and entitlement. I’d never ever assume to do this. Imagine if we all went round doing this.

haaaaveyoumetted · 21/08/2024 20:27

A lot of lazy parenting showing on this thread Grin Op has her child actually been diagnosed with ND or any other disability ? I found lots of parents say their kids have this and that just to justify their DC behaviour.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:26

paddyclampster · 21/08/2024 20:23

Have we actually established that the child is ND?

If she hasn't then I don't blame you, her daughter sounds like a pain in the neck. She will struggle if her mum doesn't parent her properly soon.

Even if she has, I'm not sure letting her get away with murder is the answer!

She doesn't have a diagnosis

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 21/08/2024 20:26

@Frenzi do you have an ND child?

Blueblell · 21/08/2024 20:26

You are crazy - she was keeping the peace as she had guests. Not about not parenting - 5 year olds can be a nightmare whether they are ND or not.

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:26

bryceQ · 21/08/2024 20:22

Don't you see the irony that you said you "lost your shit" and have anger issues but you're not allowing a child (who has additional needs?) to do the same?

If have no issue with how the child acted my issue is how the mum handled it or more to the point didn't

OP posts:
HonoraBridge · 21/08/2024 20:25

You are right OP. Currently 58% say YABU - no wonder the country / world is going down the drain.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/08/2024 20:25

"She's not in charge of mistreating my kid just because it's her house"

And how could you have handled this differently op, so that your own unregulated emotions were managed better, thus modelling the sort of behaviour you'd prefer to see in your friend's daughter. As we all know, children enact what they see?

How could you have handled this situation differently do you think?

BowlOfNoodles · 21/08/2024 20:25

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:22

I have bpd

Show quote history

Bpd isn't your former friends issue how dare you judge a 5 year old with extra needs when you have your own!!

notquiteruralbliss · 21/08/2024 20:24

Wasn't 'parented' and didn't 'parent' my DCs. As far as I am concerned, 'parent is a noun not a verb. Somehow, we all survived and developed enough situational awareness to become successful adults.

femfemlicious · 21/08/2024 20:24

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:22

I have bpd

Show quote history

This explains everything.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 21/08/2024 20:24

It's their house so their rules
You can't assume that your friend "isn't parenting" - sometimes you have to pick your battles and sometimes the comfort of visiting guests isn't the top priority eg if you know that a tantrum trigger now will mean none of the fanily sleeps tonight.
It wasn't your call.
If it was your house, you wouldbe reasonable to say "in this house the rule us that the film is allowed to finish before we watch something else. You'll have to wait." And your friend has the option to go home if that's the best decision at that point.

You were correct to leave. You should have done so earlier, before the yelling.

Bex5490 · 21/08/2024 20:24

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:00

She can think what she wants I don't give a shit atleast I treat my kids equally and fairly and they won't grow up thinking mum had a favourite

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Well they also won’t grow up with much of an example of how to behave in other people’s homes either 🤷🏽‍♀️

Goodwitchglenda · 21/08/2024 20:24

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:22

I have bpd

Show quote history

And do you think people should make allowances for your bad behaviour because of your diagnosed condition? Does it justify your children having to witness your rage outbursts?
How did your parents parent you?

paddyclampster · 21/08/2024 20:23

Have we actually established that the child is ND?

If she hasn't then I don't blame you, her daughter sounds like a pain in the neck. She will struggle if her mum doesn't parent her properly soon.

Even if she has, I'm not sure letting her get away with murder is the answer!

bryceQ · 21/08/2024 20:22

Don't you see the irony that you said you "lost your shit" and have anger issues but you're not allowing a child (who has additional needs?) to do the same?

LostittoBostik · 21/08/2024 20:22

You were at her house? And you kicked off at her in her own home? If so, that's awful behaviour - and far less acceptable than taking a call about which battles to fight over dividing up screen time

Original poster
Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:22

Walkaround · 21/08/2024 20:19

OP - you appear to have very inflexible, black and white opinions and extreme difficulty regulating your emotions. Any views on what might have caused your issues?

I have bpd

OP posts:
Frenzi · 21/08/2024 20:22

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 21/08/2024 20:16

An ND adult can usually manage to some extent their emotions and overwhelm.

An ND child can’t. This is the difference.

Mine was a hard ND child and is an utterly lovely adult. What changed? She grew up,

Show quote history

But how do they learn to regulate if they are not taught?

Do we just let them get away with whatever until 18 and then say, hey you are an adult - regulate yourself

StrawberrySwitch · 21/08/2024 20:22

Differentstarts · 21/08/2024 20:19

She's not in charge of mistreating my kid just because it's her house

Show quote history

Mistreating? Really? Then make an excuse and leave.

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