Holiday with another family and behaviour of their ASD child

Lovely let's just beat the autism out of her that will work .

I'd be staying away from anyone who hits - SEN or not. Don't let your children think it's okay to endure abuse because..."needs". That's one way to create adults who stay with their abusers.

Also shouting at a child and telling them no group outings will have less than fuck all effect on some children. I'd bet good money that's the case here.

No because you are talking shit ,that's why it's embarrassing ,.

You'd tell 15 and 17 year olds to hit a disabled 7 year old? Wow.

As a mum of a very high needs child with Autism and ADHD plus another undergoing assessment this child's behaviour is really alarming.

A 6 year old swearing is learned behaviour not ASD behaviour. Regardless of any diagnosis if she is allowed to behave terribly she will do.

I think the lack of structure, rules and boundaries probably add to her poor behaviour. Kids tend to feel much safer if all these things are in place and generally behave better.

Yes she probably is struggling but her mum and dad should be supporting her by managing changes, trying to manage the environment, managing any sensory overload she may get and trying to ensure she feels more secured but knows the rules not letting her destroy the holiday.

Personally I would be making myself very scarce. Leave the hotel room and head out without telling them where you are going.

Yeah it's awful for them, but they have to accept their DD needs a different kind of parenting that may mean holidays like this can't happen.

Saying no probably will make it worse. If she has PDA or similar, routine could also make it worse.

But they are going to have to work out what makes it better, somehow. I feel for them. It is incredibly isolating parenting a child like this. And very hard to see your child so dysregulated and unhappy. Hard for the DD too.

I don't think you can blame ineffective parenting, like the parents are shit and that's why she behaves that way. It's not like parenting a neurotypical child. It's a much much harder job, much harder to work out what your child needs, and the chances are the parents are neurodivergent too, and may really struggle to stick to routines or strategies.

They were massively U to not warn you what a family holiday with them actually looks like before you booked.

Just get up early each day, go out, make plans, tell them you’ll see them later on. Misery loves company but it’s your holiday too.

Yeah nobody is going to be sedating a six year old child or locking them up 🙄🙄🙄

And if they were aware of that, why on earth would they go on holiday with friends who did not know how bad things are. Either they are crap parents (but managed OK with the previous kids because they were better behaved by nature) or they are fully aware of the issues and doing what they can. If this is the case, they should not have inflicted themselves on friends during a summer holiday, which is often the only time people get to relax throughout the year.

I'd tell your kids to hit her back. If her parents complain just say you can't expect them to be hit and not retaliate. As for not telling her off, I'd yell at her myself. Call her out on her disgusting behaviour and tell her parents there will be no more group outings if she can't behave as no one wants to do anything with her.

Truth can be uncomfortable

So judgemental. We have no idea of DCs needs or where her parents strategies come from. DC may lack developmental capacity to behave more adaptively. SEND parents have enough to contend with without being pilloried by randoms on the internet.

There is empathy, and then there is honesty and responsibility. They have not been honest with the Op regarding the likely difficulties. And if the father is p**ng off to the beach and leaving his daughter back at the villa with mum and Op, then that is beyond CF behaviour. It is THEIR responsibility to deal with her behaviour, not yours to 'empathise'. This must also be quite horrible for this little girl too.

I would have a serious conversation about how this is no longer a joint holiday and that you cannot take responsibility for their child. Tbh, THEY should be the ones leaving, not the Op.

Stopn it your embarrassing yourself.

Sedation meds.

Hilarious, you have no idea do you !
Also what kind of medication do you think she needs?

And perhaps the are following the neurodisability specialist Paediatrician's advice. Different autistic children have different needs and challenges and need different strategies. Bit off for strangers on the internet to think they know best.

That’s not fair. It’s not ok to put other people in a difficult environment and not be upfront about it.

It's such a double edged sword.

On the one hand it's much easier and feels kinder to give in to save watching your child so distressed.

On the other hand in the long term it's likely to be detrimental.

Of course there is children with severe send who don't understand. You have to still try through showing them action and consequence or what happens when they are large teen, adult? Sadly we know there are children with send who become adults and end up in secure units because they don't learn. My heart goes out to those families for the years of effort to give their child a chance at adulthood.

But there's also the children who could learn but aren't given the opportunity. You are doing no favours to someone who thinks that slapping the woman in the coffee shop because you couldn't just help yourself to everything is ok. You actually shut down their lives and institutionalise them because they end up not being able to access the community. It's harder to change an adults behaviour that's set than a child's who is still developing and learning. It's only fair to give children the chance to learn to emotionally regulate. Understand no. Understand routines. Understand routines can sometimes go "oops". We can't protect them from the realities of the world.
We have to sept to help them manage but also help them to adapt and manage.

All humans need to adapt to the environment they are in. We should give those with disabilities the adjustments they need to do this. But we shouldn't give the, a false sense of the world as we are then setting them up to fail.

This poor girl is currently being set up to fail. That's so unfair on her. Especially because everyone will remember this holiday as the one where she did x,y and z because she hasn't been supported to manage her behaviour or the environment.

In her first post she' said her son ia autistic .so knows about autism
But that's the thing what works for one child with autism doesn't for another.

Precisely. May as well say no and deal with the same result! And at least put some boundaries down.
I’d like to what what the mother did when her young child called another child a FB. In ten years time she may meet her match and saying stuff like that could get her in a whole heap of trouble.

Well I disagree about the meds issue, but in any event the child needs to be housed in a secure setting as they appear to be a danger to others and probably themselves.

You can't spend your holiday like this OP. Move accommodation if you can. Invite the two older children to come and visit for a day or two if you can as they seem no trouble. I think it might be good for your 'friends' to have one on one time with their youngest,, and the older children could do with a break.

It might make the parents realise that this situation is not working, although you'd think the son needing a lock on his door and considering living with someone else might have done that already, but apparently not given they gave you no warning of the extent of the behaviour.