How do I end it?

I have been where you are. The peace of mind I have now we are separated is huge. No more carrying a weight around in my stomach and spending so much time and headspace trying to work out how/if to leave.

Tell him calmly you need to separate, and just keep reinterating that this needs to happen. Eventually he will have to accept it and you can move forwards. You can do it, you deserve to be happy.

OP you need to value yourself more and work on your self esteem. You deserve at least half of the assets from your marriage. Why is his happiness more important than yours? Divorce him, sell the house and maybe you could then both buy something smaller. You realise the marriage was a mistake, don't let the rest of your life be one too. Get out and start a new life for yourself. Don't be blackmailed into staying or letting him keep the house.

But he's happy being unhappy as long as I'm around.

That's pure manipulation.

Find your inner strength and follow YOUR path in life.

It's so great, take it from me.

Sounds like he values staying in that house more than being with you tbh.

I would go the route and talking to him and asking him if he himself deep down is really happy with the relationship. Odds are he is as miserable in the relationship as you are but he mainly fears the uncertainty of having divide the sale of the house in two and the uncertainty that brings with it.

Again, life is too short for people-pleasing. Why do you wish to make things ok for other people, over your own chance for happiness? Co-dependency isn't love, neither is it a good basis for a friendship or a marriage. Did you have a neglectful childhood?

It would not be your fault if he did that. You must commit that to your mind. He could just as likely move on to an unsuspecting new woman as many dependent men do, once their partner has finally had enough. Do you have family or friends who could lend moral or practical support?

You’ve told him you want to end the relationship. It is not a negotiation. You consider it finished and make sure he knows that so he can start coming to terms with it.

I think you need to make the move. Are you going to carry on like this til you cark it of old age? You can’t and shouldn’t live for others.

If you can't afford to rent a place on your part time salary, you can't afford to give him half a house. It will have to be sold and the proceeds split between you.

He can't stop you from divorcing him.

Life is too short. You are sacrificing your life for him. His choices and decisions are on him, don't stay because of them.

You feel lonely because you are trying to make a huge decision and no one can help you do that.

It’s a push him away when you’re at the end of your tether and pulling back when you imagine the outcome. I’ve been there too many years ago. Push/pull, push/pull it’s soul destroying.

Believe me, the end of this emotional torment and peace of mind is worth every move you take towards freedom.
Get some advice and take the first step. Life’s too short. Your marriage is dead.

Why do you think @Anending that his needs and happiness are so much more important than yours?

That’s why you are unhappy and unfulfilled and sadly that won’t stop just because you leave him. You are willing to give up the chance of your own house so he isn’t made sad.
Why shouldn’t he be sad?
He says you can’t divorce - why does his want matter more than yours?

So helpless he’ll kill himself if you aren’t there but not so helpless he can’t emotionally manipulate and blackmail you to save his own comfort.

Never mine being passively sad and hopeless - find your anger and advocate for yourself.

His happiness trumps yours?

Crazy

You can't make somebody end their life and it's incredibly manipulative of him to suggest it and also a huge red flag warning for abuse. You need to end the relationship and any time he mentions suicide simply tell him to go to the Gp and that if you think for a second that he's going to act on it then you will simply do a welfare check with the police and they will turn up for him to check.

You wouldn't have caused him to do that. He would have caused it himself. It sounds like a change of scenery and maybe a new property each and a new start could be just what you both need. You both need some counselling to see that you both can part ways and live a more fulfilled life and even still remain friends should you wish to.

So basically he's blackmailing you into staying married to him by saying he'll kill himself if you leave.

Even more evidence that this isn't the man for you, OP.

He needs to take responsibility for his actions. If he threatens imminent suicide, call 999 every single time.

Don't even think about giving him the house! It's a hard lesson a lot of divorcing couples learn, that they only owned half the house and if they split up they can't just keep hold of it.

You have made the decision in your own mind and shared it with him. Well done.

It can be difficult to make decisions that affect other people. Like many people (me) you may not feel comfortable 'doing something to someone', especially someone you care about. But it cannot be avoided your whole life. You will also be 'doing something ' if you stay, or give up something of your own.

You can only ever be responsible for your own actions.

You can ask for what you want and what is reasonable (to move out, to take your assets out of the marriage to buy somewhere to live).

He will have his wants and feelings. This is also as it should be. He is also responsible for his actions. You cannot control these by giving up your assets.

You don't have to also feel his feelings for him or compensate for making a choice he doesn't want.

(In other words, see a solicitor and take what is yours!)

I think you could do with some counselling as your sense of obligation and guilt (all misplaced) is currently blinding you, I think x

Life is too short to be a prisoner to him. You are not responsible for him.

You can file online yourself for divorce, this part of the process doesn't take long. You no longer need him to agree as no fault is apportioned anymore. If he won't agree to sell the house, the court will take it out of his hands. He has no choice and he is not able to control you.