AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

What does this mean?

Logisticly we have an early wedding and full day and I don't see how with a baby overnight she will get to me ontime.

Im not understanding this. I don’t get why this is such a logistical nightmare for you. She can spend the night at home with her baby and still get up early and do a two hour drive. Has she told you she thinks she’ll be late or something? Or are you just making that up? Is she usually late?

YABU - I haven’t left my 18 month old overnight once, I have left my nearly 4 year old for one night only. I will be leaving them both for 3 nights in September and I’m dreading it but it’s unavoidable for work. I wouldn’t stay for two nights for a wedding even for my best friend unless it was absolutely the only way to be there, which it doesn’t sound like it is in this case.

Everyone is comfortable with different amounts of time away from their kids and that is up to them, you don’t get to decide.

If she is massively late on the day then it would be reasonable for you to be annoyed but until then you are being unreasonable. If she is late then it’s annoying but so be it, no one is going to notice one missing or mildly flustered bridesmaid, they will be focused on you and your fiance.

Edited to add: my 18 month old also wakes up multiple times a night and wants me or DH. It’s a pain but it’s the way it is and I would want to minimise the amount of time one person has to deal with that alone.

Reverse. And it's 'the baby' not 'baby'.

It has to be a reverse, the little short responses we are getting back just scream reverse. Not addressing anything that people are saying, just occasional little one liners. OP don't you know how boring reverses are? Yeah we get it, your friend is a Bridezilla and you wanted confirmation of that.

Just drive up on the morning of the wedding as planned, or tell your Bridezilla friend you're stepping down as it's too much for you.

Because you don't seem to understand what having a baby is like. A wedding is one day, that is fairly unimportant to everyone but you in the grand scheme of things. You need to apologise, you are being a terrible friend. If she was asking for advice here it would likely to be sack the wedding off.

Is the baby not allowed to attend the wedding? Then her and her partner and the baby can stay both nights?

The apparent lack of empathy?

Are they babies and are you leaving them for two nights?

I take it she has plans though to get to your venue in time?

I'm childfree and understand that. OP is just being self-centred.

BRIDEZILLA 🚨🚨🚨

I understand your nerves about the timings on the morning, and I wouldn't fancy driving two hours the morning of a wedding either.

However, your BM is working really really hard to be at your wedding, and it doesn't sound like you appreciate it.

Would you be able to afford to book them into the hotel the night before the wedding too, and bring the baby to the wedding if that meant her mum couldn't mind him? That way she wouldn't have to leave her baby for longer than she's comfortable with (which is an unreasonable thing to expect her to do) and she'd be on site from the morning of the wedding.

Have you asked her how she plans to get there?

Two hours really isn’t a long drive. What time is your ceremony? With a baby she’ll probably be awake at the crack of dawn anyway.

Wow, this isn’t a reverse?!

So you think she should have travelled up the day before, on her own, then her husband should travel 2 hours separately the day of the wedding!? Oh, and then potentially have to drive back separately aftrt the wedding if they’ve been forced to take two cars! You are very free and easy with other people’s time and money!!

I wonder if lots of your bridal party will read this? You paint yourself in a dreadful light and genuinely don’t seem to see that.

Probably because you're so oblivious to how a new mum might not want to leave their baby for 2 nights?

She's making the best arrangements she can based on your plans. Could her child attend the wedding? Then they could all stay the night before?

Invite her partner and baby?!

Because you don't seem to understand why a mother wouldn't want to leave her 1 year old for 2 nights in a row

Sounds like baby is currently still very young so she will have no idea how she will feel about leaving them for one night, let alone two. You're being very unreasonable. Are you paying for everything or are you expecting your bridal party to pay for two nights at the hotel too? It's a wedding, meant to be full of love and joy, but you're already planning to spend the morning stressing about your bridesmaids travel arrangements!

Even if she didn’t have a baby, where on earth have you got the idea that it’s a ‘basic expectation’ that anyone should spend two nights away in a hotel for your wedding?

You can ask, you don’t ’expect’ anything, of other people’s time and involvement in your wedding.

All she needs to do is be there on the day, and you need to chill the hell out.

No offence OP but what do bridesmaids even actually need to do?

I didn't have any at my wedding and didn't feel they were necessary or that I missed out. The main thing they do is look pretty and pose for photos.

YABU to expect more from your friend who has a small baby and is already giving up a night for your wedding and presumably spending money on being paraded around and photographed in a dress she didn't get to choose - all for you.

You have a "bridal party" anyway so why is it so important that this on particular friend is there? You are behaving very spoilt and selfishly.

Of course.
OP if this is a reverse, just say so now.