AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

Your choice. I've never heard of women not being able to do their makeup on their own but I'm an old gimmer 😂!

No! It’s certainly not a basic expectation.

OP seems to forget that whilst her wedding is the most important thing in the world ti her, to everyone else, it’s just a really expensive day trip, sadly sometimes conducted by a complete prima Donna .

Maybe they just don’t want to? Even without the baby the expectation that anyone should spend two nights away for anyone’s wedding is extreme imo.

Awk she could have, but I did want to be there too! I am sure if I had asked to come towards the tail end of makeup / hair e.g. 8am I could have. My DD was always waking at 4am anyway to be fed so it didn't make much difference to me.

It's pretty standard for the bride and bridesmaids to spend the morning together getting their hair and make up done. Bride is usually last so BMs need to be early, especially if there's a few of them. Often, they spend the night together if logistics allow, sort of like a grown up slumber party.

None of this is new, it was standard when I got married 13 years ago.

She’s a grown up. She is capable of making travel arrangements to get places on time.

Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful day.

You're getting married, not swimming the channel. I'm sure you will cope without a full support team.

Nor me! Plus I certainly wouldn't leave the house at 4.30am for a wedding makeup session!

Not popular as they are seen as deceiving other posters, and they also tend to be written to support the OP's views. That means they can leave out all sorts of nuance.

and are usually removed for being against site rules.

I would never have accepted a bridesmaid role once I had babies / small kids because of this kind of shit.

Weddings becoming such performances that many people’s lives are taken over for days and days.

@Teamustbefromateapot I think that's crazy!
Could she really not do her makeup without you?

You're lucky she's leaving her baby for one night. I wouldn't even have done that.

A reverse is when someone posts from the other person's point of view, usually to show how unreasonable her friend/MIL/boss is.

So, if this is a reverse, OP is the bridesmaid not the bride.

Not popular as they are seen as deceiving other posters, and they also tend to be written to support the OP's views. That means they can leave out all sorts of nuance.

BUT, calling reverse is also a way of saying "you're being so fucking ridiculous no one actually thinks like this".

Bollocks.
Those of us without children are perfectly capable of understanding childcare doesn't grow on trees. That some kids can't be left for extended periods and some parents don't want to leave kids for extended periods.

2 hours isn't very far from home. I regularly travel that just for the day to see people etc.

Her baby will only be 1 and a lot of people aren't comfortable leaving a baby that age even for the day let alone one night so I think you need to be grateful that she is willing to do it the night of the wedding. You may not have struggled but everyone is different.

Is this a thing now, bridesmaids staying over the night before?

It means that we all suspect that the OP is actually the bridesmaid, and she is posting as though she is the bride to see everyone's opinions on it. People post reverses for some reason, from the reverse perspective to see what answers they get.

Bridezilla or a reverse

I was bridesmaid in a friend's wedding with a 9 week old ebf baby..due to this I couldn't stay the night before. Wedding was 1hour 45min from me with a start time of 6.30am for makeup. This simply meant I was leaving my house at 4.30am with baby in tow to make sure I was there on time - not ideal but the best logistical situation for us all.

It's your responsibility to communicate expectations / timings i.e. 'I need everyone there for 7am' and each of your bridesmaid's to do what they need to do in order to make that work. Frankly, it's not your problem if she has a logistical nightmare that morning, you can't dictate that she leaves her baby to make you more comfortable.

YAB MASSIVELY U

I hope you're joking. Your choice to have an early wedding far from home.

To be gentle, there could be a multitude of reasons why she couldn’t attend last minute (never mind the long journey on the morning) Sickness, ill child/partner/parents etc etc. The only people that need to attend your wedding are you and your husband. Everyone else is a bonus but not essential, not even your bridesmaids. Child out! Stop worrying about what your can’t control (other people) and look forward to a life time of happiness with your husband.

Some posters present their story from the opposite point of view in order to gauge responses. In this instance it's the bridesmaid who can't work out if she's BU.

meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation?

My bridesmaids arrived in the morning or my wedding-nobody stayed over the night before, so no, it’s not a ‘pretty basic expectation’. If I was your bridesmaid, I’d pull out from the whole thing-you seem to have no empathy whatsoever.

A bridesmaid only needs to turn up for the wedding. A mum with a baby is not necessarily going to prioritise your makeup over her baby's needs.