AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

If the baby will be 1 at the wedding in spring it must be very young now. She is not unreasonable to not want to leave her (now) tiny baby for two nights. Honestly one night is asking a lot, I didn't leave mine until he was 2.5ish.

Two hours is not that far.

2 hours isn't far, you were making it sound like she had a full day of travelling ahead of her. She's an adult woman who has managed to birth and raise a 1 year old, I am sure she can manage getting to a destination on time for an event.

I feel bad for her- she's obviously close enough to you to be a bridesmaid, and you're slagging her off online acting like she's not being reasonable for not wanting to leave her child for 2 nights. You aren't a very good friend.

To be fair to OP she did say venue is 2 hours from BM not everyone else

YABU, the world does not revolve around you. You are getting married, thousands of people do it every day, many of us here have done it already and some people multiple times. You are not special, your needs don’t trump anyone else’s.

sorry to burst your bubble.

You sound very self centred.

You may have looked forward to a night off from your kids but don't you understand people are different?

Also, you're worried about her getting to you on time with no reason for this worry! Just trust her to be there!

Don't ask her about bringing the baby with her, she may feel she has to to keep you happy and it may make things harder for her and more stressful for you.

😂
The earliest wedding I've been to was 11.30am!

Is her DP invited ? Surely they will want to travel together which may be why she wants to come with him when DMIL has the baby .

"my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!"

Weddings earlier than 7 in the morning?! Are you vampires?!

Your attitude absolutely does make you Bridezilla. From your post she has a baby. So not surprising she doesn’t want to leave the child for two nights. Is she breast feeding ? Because if so, you’re lucky she’s there at all given that the wedding isn’t local. She’s making the effort for you for one night, but is very unreasonable of you to think that your wedding is more important to her than her own child.

I think you're being unreasonable here. Not everyone can facilitate two nights childcare and if she's able to be there on time to get ready on the day why does she also need to stay the night before? It may well be your wedding but Mary Poppins doesn't suddenly manifest out of the sky just because you are putting a ring on your finger.

She will likely be much less available for you if she brings the baby.

Why not just trust her, as a fully functioning adult, to get to you on time on the wedding morning?

You are going to look back on this and cringe.

Definitely a bridezilla

And who had your baby for you? Did they happily have the baby for two nights, two hours away? If so, wow-lucky you!

Can you understand that just because you had reliable free endless childcare at your fingertips, not everyone else has!?

Honestly, the lack of critical thinking or awareness of other people’s situations is astounding.

OK. This changes everything. Although if she doesn't want to then it's still her choice.

Op your friend isn't ditching you to go off and party with someone else instead of coming to stay with you. These issues with child care always cause grief in these wedding parties. There really is no right or wrong. Some mums decide they can go and do everything that's asked of them some aren't as comfortable in doing it all. If my friend told she wasn't able to do everything I wanted in my wedding I'd be disappointed yes but not offended at all. You must respect what she wants to do.

Yes...

She is having a night away already, you mean 2 nights that you're trying to push for?

Mine too!

Right. Perhaps the bridesmaids could do their own makeup and meet the bride at the venue? Anyway. Whatever suits and this clearly doesn't suit the OP.

Goodness I’d pull out of being your bridesmaid. You sound like a nightmare.

She may really struggle to leave her child overnight for lots of reasons. Two nights is a big deal at 1, I am sure if she could it would be easier for her to do two nights so trust her decision.
YABU and not a very good friend. Put her as the last hair and make up appointment and tell her the time she needs to be there. If she has a 1 year old a very early start is probably normal for her. If it's too early then she will have to make other arrangements but leave that up to her.

It's better for her to get a good night's sleep, in her own bed and set off early. Rather than the baby not settling and everyone being grumpy and tired. My DD (bridesmaid) recently had to get to the venue at 7am, 45 minutes away, for make up etc. So what's she is doing is perfectly normal. Two nights away was a big ask and if it was important, then she should have been asked to step down when pregnant.

We were all getting our makeup and hair done too as bridesmaids, which I think is quite normal ATM! Not something I'd have done for most people but this friend was extremely understanding and actually happy to have baby come stay the night before too if I wanted.

This is weird. I have a similar situation and one of my bridesmaids isn't coming the night before simply because it's not that convenient for her. Fine by me, you don't get to dictate what people do beyond being at the actual wedding, just because they are a bridesmaid.