AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

I know. That's how it always was.
I think that it's now all part of the narrative for social media. Instagram, video stories.
That's what's changed.
If this bride hasn't planned for "getting ready with my bridesmaids" pictures/ video, I'll be astonished.

OP you'll be a much happier person if you focus on what this woman is doing for you, leaving baby and travelling 2 hours to support you on your big day rather than focussing on what she's not doing. You won't be any less married for not having a bridal party sleepover and you will have your friend with you when it matters.

She does!

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids

Wedding not near home when then why on earth are your surprised?

I’ve never understood why everyone has to get ready together before a wedding, it might be fun but it also could be a stressful nightmare!
In my day ( I can’t believe I just said that!) we all just met at the church🤣.

I miss the days when you got an invitation to a wedding and it included your children, you could wear what you want, and you could buy any little gift that took your fancy. Why don't people care about their guests any more? Maybe I just need to get off mn and it's not like this in rl.

OP - tell her what time you need her on the day and I'm sure she'll be there without causing you any stress at all.

There could be lots of reasons why she doesn't want to come for two nights and it's her prerogative.

Why can't her partner and baby come the night before too and stay in one of the suite of hotel rooms? The same room they're presumably planning to stay in after the wedding, if it's far away?
Don't understand why her mum has to have the baby - isn't baby coming to the wedding? She can't be that good of a friend if you are refusing to let her baby attend.

This. In a nutshell, you sound like bridezilla

Probably because you show have no sympathy for a new mum who doesn't want to leave her baby for two nights?

You’re wedding is the most important thing in YOUR life. No one else cares, seriously! Be grateful she’s prioritising YOUR needs for the one whole day of your wedding. You don’t get to demand more.

As pp have said - that was you.
I never wanted to leave mine until I had to so, no, we're not all the same.
What is your barrier here? Just too much focus on your wedding? Think about your friend.

YABU. You should have chosen a bridesmaid without children. Why does she need to be there the night before.

There's always someone. On every thread... And always within the first 10 comments.

Why?

Your wedding day is incredibly important to you, and I'm sure your friend is ver6 happy for you that you are getting this day, but it's not as important to her as it is to you. For her it's a lot of work, probably a lot of expense, time consuming and takes her away from her baby. She's doing what she can because she cares for you and wants to be there for you, but you are expecting too much.

But everyone is different. Whilst it was ok for you, it isn't for your friend. That's her choice. My youngest is 18 months old and I wouldn't leave him yet for one night.

Is it possible for you to be more accommodating of your bridesmaid's whole family the two nights in question?
Maybe you could arrange for bride's mother to be a guest and arrange accommodaion for all the family the night before quite near yours so that bridesmaid could pop out and spend as much time with her baby as she can, while keeping the baby very happy in readiness for your big day when she will have much less time to attend to her child.

She treads a fine line. She can't afford to have her baby screaming and really unhappy while she is being your bridesmaid so she is making sure her child is super settled and relaxed.

You pay for a room for her, her partner and baby and one for her mum for night before and wedding night. She can be with her baby the night before and her mum is on hand for childcare.

What time does she need to be there ?
If it's 9 or later I can't see any issues.

if you have your own baby in the future you will 100% understand.

Reasonable solutioin is for husband to come along as well for the 2nights and look after the baby but a. that means baby will be at the wedding (though not necessarily all of it) and b. it sounds hard work for the husband tbh

Ffs you are being massively unreasonable! Why don’t you just accept that? You’re not much of a friend to your bridesmaid if you can’t understand why she only wants one night away. Don’t try pressuring your friend with bringing the baby for the night etc. just accept that she’ll get there first thing in the morning instead.

Invite the bridesmaid's mum as well as partner, between them they can sort the baby out for min disruption during the night before/day/ceremony itself and the after party.

Are you kidding? The world does not revolve around your wedding you know? To a mum her kid is infinitely more important than your bridal party. You should be thankful she agreed to come without her kid.

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

Let her bring baby and hubby. Win win