AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

@Bridely2be hang on, were bridesmaid’s partner and baby invited to the wedding? By the sounds of it only her partner was invited, and only to the evening party.

It's miles away from her and yet she still intends to leave her baby behind and travel to support YOU.
She is being a friend, you are not.

Is the baby invited to the wedding?

Can't her baby and DP stay at the hotel the night before too?

If she's stressed and worrying about the baby she won't be having a nice time doing bridesmaid stuff the night before the wedding is she

I think you are being unreasonable. Actually you sound entitled.

😂 Nooooo, the bridal party had to start getting hair and makeup at 7am, for a 12pm ceremony.

We all got to mine for 6.30 then drove to the salon for 7, myself, MOB, MOG and all the bridesmaids. Hair and makeup at the salon until 10.30 (3.5 hours was impressive for so many people!) then back to the venue for getting dressed.

A 7am wedding would be pretty empty I would imagine ha!

Because your expectations are so wildly off

If you go onto have children, I think you'll understand then. She's actually lucky to have someone who will have her DC for one night, none of our family would. We had no one to have our DD until she started doing sleepovers later on a school and even then it was a last minute decision to go out as we didn't have anyone we felt we could ask in advance to have her overnight.

I can see you point - if it's a wedding far from home, normally the bridal party needs to be up early and getting ready (my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!)

@mushpush you got married at 7am?? Is this is typo?

Look at it this way: your wedding is the centre of your world. Her baby is the centre of hers.

She is juggling as best she can.

How much time has she spent on your wedding compared to how much you've spent on her baby? She's travelling, staying overnight, probably been dress shopping, hen party, organising things etc. Addnup that time and then add up how much time you've invested in her baby.

She's doing her best.

you dont need to be stressed about when she arrives - you could CHOOSE to be stressed about it. Or you could literally just not think about it at all.

Even in a worst case scenario she is late - is it the end of the world?

I remember starting to get stressed planning my wedding - then I just accepted that being a bit stressed was one thing but being controlling was another.

Let it go. The day is about you and your partner - everything else is just meant to be fun and enjoyable.

OP has children. Which makes her POV even more wild!

When you say this:

wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult

Do you mean that it is far from her home or far from both of your homes?

Because if it is far from her you should have talked to her about her comfort level around leaving the baby months ago.

If it is far from both of you, I think it was a bit idyllic of you to assume everyone wants to travel miles and spend on hotels and time away.

I say this gently, it sounds like she may be the first of your group and siblings to have a baby and so you really just don't get what it's like as you are still in the easy stage of just thinking about you and your costs and travel and booking time off work.

Babies complicate that and whilst i wouldnt expect you to understand that yet, I think you need to take it on the chin that everyone who has been in her shoes will see it differently. So yabu, but I can understand why you wouldn't think so yet.

THIS

I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times and never stayed the night before? Surely she just needs to come in the morning to get ready? My kids are 3 and 1 and there’s no way I would want to leave them for 2 nights unless it was completely necessary.

Also this 100%

This

You are annoyed because your friend is putting her child before you?

My children will always come before anyone else. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave me 1 year old for two nights either. LO would have been very distressed and I would have been worried sick.

Does your friend know you’re annoyed? If my friend was annoyed with me, for putting my child first I wouldn’t go to the wedding at all. You are being extremely unreasonable.

YABVVU

@Spotlightt you're right!

People can usually sniff a reverse. It's either a reverse or the person is genuinely batshit and totally self absorbed. People probably assume a reverse rather than someone being so rude about a situation. But sometimes, the person is actually just rude.

I wouldn’t want to be your bridesmaid with this attitude she is trying her best to compromise and be involved but thats just not good enough!

I presume you are also expecting hen do’s and ridiculous money being spent by people having to travel/ hotels etc!!

How entitled and childish are you!!

I have an 8 and a half month old. I wouldn't be agreeing to 2 nights away. At the moment I can't even fathom one!

My baby still sleeps max 2 hours at a time, refuses to sleep in a cot, breastfed with allergy issues (including milk so can't have normal formula).

If it's important to have her there night before you should pay for a room for her to stay at the hotel with her partner and baby.

Then trust her that she will get there on time. If she didn’t think she could then she would either change her mind about staying over, or give up being your bridesmaid. She hasn’t done either so she has worked out the logistics and it is fine, so cross it off your list of things to worry about.

if you don’t trust her then say something and hope you can find another bridesmaid to fit the dress.

Why are some posters insisting this is a reverse lol even if it is it doesn't change anything does it. I don't know why but I get irrationally pissed off when all I see is "reverse" or "obviously fake" lol anyway it's a non issue because your bridesmaid will be there on the day to do her bridesmaid duty and if for some reason she isn't there on time then pfttt I'm sure it will still be a lovely day. I decided a few years ago to let anything not in my control to just go over my head lol nobody needs unnecessary stress. If I were to get married again I would invite everyone and tell them to wear what they want and it's a sausage roll buffet so there's no expectation from anyone, I have probably gone too far the other way with my relaxed attitude lol but I'm all for an easy life now