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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

285 replies

Bridely2be · 21/08/2024 09:16

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 21/08/2024 12:45

Bridezilla

you should be worried about making the logistics easier for your friend with a baby, not asking her to leave her child overnight

LouH5 · 21/08/2024 12:44

KateDelRick · 21/08/2024 12:42

Still ridiculously early. They can do their own hair and makeup before they arrive at the wedding, surely? Seems a bit much.

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They could, but sometimes it’s nice to get it all done together, especially if the bride is paying for a makeup artist.

When I was a bridesmaid I left my house at 7.15 to get to the brides for 7.30, and she did us a champagne and croissant breakfast and we had a hair stylist and makeup artist there to get us all glammed up. It was lovely!

PingBeep · 21/08/2024 12:44

You are lucky she is coming for one night. I am sure she does not even want to do that. This post has made me really annoyed on her behalf.

KateDelRick · 21/08/2024 12:42

LouH5 · 21/08/2024 12:40

I think she means hair and makeup for the bridesmaids starts at 7am!

Show quote history

Still ridiculously early. They can do their own hair and makeup before they arrive at the wedding, surely? Seems a bit much.

EI12 · 21/08/2024 12:41

I don't understand the drift of MN sometimes - the consensus is it is not OK to leave your baby for a few days/a week to go to a wedding, but it is absolutely fine to foist new boyfriends/girlfriends/blended families on children - why?

LouH5 · 21/08/2024 12:40

Manxexile · 21/08/2024 12:37

Quite!

If I got an invite to a wedding before 10am my response would be "Sorry - can't make it".

7am or earlier?!?!?!?!?

Show quote history

I think she means hair and makeup for the bridesmaids starts at 7am!

BeQuirkyJadeBird · 21/08/2024 12:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 21/08/2024 12:37

I don't know OP or her friend, I am not married, and I do not have children. Even I think bridesmaid's baby is more important than OP's wedding.* *

Manxexile · 21/08/2024 12:37

BrioNotBiro · 21/08/2024 10:11

"my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!"

Weddings earlier than 7 in the morning?! Are you vampires?!

Quite!

If I got an invite to a wedding before 10am my response would be "Sorry - can't make it".

7am or earlier?!?!?!?!?

MissTrip82 · 21/08/2024 12:29

Tryingtohelp12 · 21/08/2024 09:19

It’s not what you want to hear but if you don’t have children you don’t understand. Don’t fall out with her over this. There may be other factors she doesn’t want to disclose (eg the cost of an extra night, meals, hair and make up etc- being a bridesmaid is expensive!)

Nonsense.

The issue isn’t a lack of children it’s a lack of empathy.

there are people who are childless throughout their lives who can grasp this.

bridgetreilly · 21/08/2024 12:26

Two hours is nothing, OP. You are being ridiculous.

KateDelRick · 21/08/2024 12:23

Qanat53 · 21/08/2024 12:20

How does her not being there the night before impact your wedding?

Zero impact

Exactly. As pp pointed out upthread, the bridesmaids used to meet the bride outside the church! It's all over performance really.

Qanat53 · 21/08/2024 12:20

How does her not being there the night before impact your wedding?

Zero impact

Strictlymad · 21/08/2024 12:14

You are unreasonable to expect this. You may have wanted night way but many mums don’t. I thin you are fortunate she is staying any nights. Your wedding your choice, but you cant get upset when others can’t be fully involved.

xK1991x · 21/08/2024 12:05

Let her off the night before. Arrange hair and makeup so that she gets hers done later in the line than the rest to allow for her travel time in the morning.

One of my bridesmaid didn't bother turning up on the morning even when hair, makeup, dresses and hotel room were paid for her. If shes a good friend she will help you to the best her ability which is all you should expect.

PurpleFlower1983 · 21/08/2024 12:03

My best friend brought her baby with her on the morning, she had her dress adapted for breastfeeding and it was actually really lovely. We have some really cute getting ready photos.

Ginnnny · 21/08/2024 12:03

I think you're being really unreasonable and mean!

Bestfootforward11 · 21/08/2024 11:50

It sounds like you are taking it as if she can’t be bothered to come for an extra night or is just being difficult. You know best if this is likely or not. But it seems to me that if she’s a good enough friend for you to want her to be your bridesmaid, that this is unlikely. So you need to be a good friend to her and respect her decision to only come for one night without making a fuss, that’s up to her and what she feels is right re her child. Otherwise what’s supposed to be a happy occasion is going to be marred by unnecessary bad feeling which would be a shame. If you feel you want to be with others the night before, maybe have drinks with other close friends/family.

Nanny0gg · 21/08/2024 11:43

Bridely2be · 21/08/2024 10:02

Sorry for short replies! Promise you not a reverse, just got hands full during school holidays.

I will approach her about bringing baby with her, to see if that helps. I appreciate IABU, when mine were little I couldn't wait to have a night away 🤣

But baby not invited to wedding?

What's she going to do with it then?

Llaregub · 21/08/2024 11:39

Bridely2be · 21/08/2024 09:26

Sorry, not a reverse. I edited as I realised without the point about logistics I sounded like a bridezilla. I'm not but I am annoyed that on my wedding I will be stressed about her getting to me on time. Logisticly we have an early wedding and full day and I don't see how with a baby overnight she will get to me ontime.

What does it matter if she's late and misses walking down the aisle behind you? No one else will know she was supposed to be there, no one will care. This is your friend you're talking about, not someone you've hired from an agency.

KateDelRick · 21/08/2024 11:38

coaltitsrock · 21/08/2024 11:29

surely this is a reverse. Nobody can be so self centered??

The OP claims it's not. And yes, you'd think so.

RhubarbAndFlustered · 21/08/2024 11:36

One year old? I could have managed one night maybe but being away from them for two nights? No way. Everyone is different but DH and I never really used childcare at all, Grandparents are both adamant that no childcare for socialising would ever be offered and only begrudgingly so in an emergency. Luckily we felt wrong leaving our kids anyway and I couldn't have managed 48 hours without them.

coaltitsrock · 21/08/2024 11:29

surely this is a reverse. Nobody can be so self centered??

WhatNoRaisins · 21/08/2024 11:28

sweetpickle2 · 21/08/2024 11:11

OP has children. Which makes her POV even more wild!

In my experience it's often people with easy babies or lots of family support that are the least understanding. Most childfree people I know will at least give you the benefit of the doubt when you say you can't do something because of the kids.

MrsSunshine2b · 21/08/2024 11:28

Idk maybe you could avoid her having to choose between her baby and your super important princess day by not excluding babies.

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