AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

Horrible attitude towards your bridesmaid.

One of my bridesmaids had a baby at my wedding. The baby was there in the morning when we were all getting ready together and it was lovely to have her there.

Too late now but this was entirely predictable. The moral of the story is choose bridesmaids who do not have babies or young children.

To be honest, unless you've been very lazy and disorganised, most of the bridesmaids bits can be done weeks before the wedding

What exactly does a bridesmaid have to do?
Unless the bride is very high maintenance, surely the bridesmaid just turns up on the day?

I laughed out loud at this! Surely it’s up to the bridesmaid to decide if she wants some time away!
She’s already giving up an entire day and a night for someone who insisted on getting married a long way away, and that’s still not enough.

And since when has spending the night before with the bridal party been a “basic expectation”?

Someone needs to understand that other people’s weddings are NEVER more important than your kids.

You are 100% being unreasonable

She doesn’t want to leave the baby for 2 nights and says she will be there on time in the morning, leave it as that. Don’t offer for the baby to come the night before, this will just be even more hard work for her

If you have children, then surely you should understand that's it's difficult to get childcare. Maybe her mum will only do the one night!

You’re being soooooo unreasonable! I hate all this ‘surely she’d appreciate a night away’ business. I never liked being away from mine when he was a baby and I wouldn’t dream of leaving my new baby overnight either!

Wow.
Just……wow.

If you want her there let the husband and baby come to.

Luckily my sister let me off in MOH duties when I had a three week old, she just wanted me to be there. More important things in life to stress about, especially if you have other bridesmaids to deal with things. But guessing you spent a lot of money on the wedding and everyone needs to work around you.

"Not just being bridezilla" There's no two ways about this one -

1. You are a horrible, selfish bridezilla, who doesn't value your friend's life or time
2. You understand that she doesn't want to be away from her baby for 2 nights and are happy to accommodate that very reasonable request.

To be honest, unless you've been very lazy and disorganised, most of the bridesmaids bits can be done weeks before the wedding. Provided you have an amenable groom and a few other friends, best man etc, to do anything like setting up the venue, most of the fun stuff and choices you might want the bridesmaid to help with will be done by then.

I've had a very quick skim through the comments, so apologies if everyone has already noted this. But wasn't there a bridesmaid on here only last week or so, with exactly this scenario?

Once again a post showing that weddings have become this massive event where the bride becomes the Queen of All Everything and everyone else must bow to her wishes for elaborate abroad hen dos, rehearsals, wedding weekends etc.

Other people have their own lives. It doesn’t make them a ‘bad friend’.

I can't imagine having a friend I cared enough about to ask her to be my bridesmaid but not enough to let her bring her breastfed baby to my wedding.

Wasn't there a thread a week or so ago from a bridesmaid who refused to go the night before the wedding as she wasn't prepared to leave her baby two nights running as she breast feeds . She was going to go and meet her husband and baby in their car in a car park so she could feed the baby on the day of the wedding !

Bridesmaids have no “duties” unless they are doing your hair or makeup

I'm glad you said this. I have always wondered what bridesmad "duties" are. My sister was my bridesmaid and walked down the aisle behind me and held my flowers during the ceremony. She even used up all the hot water so that my bath was lukewarm

I’d refuse to be your bridesmaid if I read this!
#bridezilla

I’m going to hold your hand while I say this, believe it or not NOONE and I mean NOONE gives a shiny sh*t about you getting married or your wedding. Everyone else is just there for a party. Bridesmaids have no “duties” unless they are doing your hair or makeup. There is no reason for her to be there the night before. Make sure she is one of the last for her hair and makeup giving her plenty of time to get to you. I feel like your one of these people who are getting married for social media and outsiders views. As long as you, the groom and whoever is marrying you turns up nothing else matters. YABVU !

Surely if she's a good enough friend that you asked her to be bridesmaid, you can also be a good enough friend to understand she has limitations with having a baby. She is willing to travel "far away" on the day to then have a long, exhausting day as your bridesmaid while having a baby to care for. Can I hazard a guess you don't have children?

👆this

She's going to be your bridesmaid ,you are not her keeper. Get a grip!

2 hours really isn't that far away. She will likely be up very early anyway as she had a 1 year old.
I wouldn't have wanted to leave my dc for 2 nights at that age either.
Maybe consider she can't afford 2 nights in the hotel.
It's not something In would get worked up about.

@Bridely2be If it’s having her there early enough to be ready that’s stressing you out, could she stay the night before the wedding then leave the reception early to get home on the wedding night?

I was Maid of Honour when my baby was 3 weeks old and the wedding was 2 hours away. I realised I’d need a better sleep the night BEFORE the wedding so my mum looked after DS then, and DH and I left the wedding about 9pm to get home by 11pm. My friend (who was a bit of a bridezilla) was actually happy with this arrangement.