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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

285 replies

Bridely2be · 21/08/2024 09:16

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

OP posts:
Magehemela · 21/08/2024 09:31

Good on her putting her baby's and her needs as a new mum first.

Being a mum is hard enough without dealing with other people's unreasonable expectations.

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 21/08/2024 09:31

The only expectations on bridesmaids are that they

  • show up on time
  • wear clothes not of their choosing without complaint (ditto hair and make up)
  • are pleasant friendly and helpful

There is zero expectation that they have to attend ancillary events or spend a night anywhere that does not suit their logistics

Spotlightt · 21/08/2024 09:30

Bridely2be · 21/08/2024 09:26

Sorry, not a reverse. I edited as I realised without the point about logistics I sounded like a bridezilla. I'm not but I am annoyed that on my wedding I will be stressed about her getting to me on time. Logisticly we have an early wedding and full day and I don't see how with a baby overnight she will get to me ontime.

This makes absolutely no difference you are still being a Bridezilla. So what if the wedding is far away, if she's said she will be there then that's all you can hope for. Who's to say the bridesmaids who have told you they'll be there the night before will make it? Anything can happen, you need to unclench.

JassyRadlett · 21/08/2024 09:30

I promise you, whatever your logistics are, hers are probably worse.

One of my bridesmaids had a three month old at the time. I love her to bits, that's why she was my bridesmaid, and I just wanted her to be beside me when I got married in whatever way worked best for her. Having the baby there, having a room available to feed in even if she wasn't staying, etc etc. 15 years on we're still close and have supported each other through all sorts. The fact she wasn't there the night before my wedding is totally irrelevant - it wasn't important then and isn't now.

I went to a child free wedding when my eldest was 8 months and though I love the bride and groom it was pretty miserable. It was far from home so the only people we could leave the baby with was an hour away, I was still breastfeeding and the whole thing was just stressful (and a bit painful too!)

Dampshinygrass · 21/08/2024 09:29

It was your choice to have a wedding far from home and an early ceremony. So it’s entirely on you that your bridal party and guests have to juggle. YABU.

SJM1988 · 21/08/2024 09:27

There should be no expectations of being a bridesmaid other than being by your side at the ceremony.
I didn't dictate what any of my bridesmaid did (although at the time noone had children). It was very much a 'I would like this but if you can't that is ok...what can you do?'. I certainly would not have said anything other than being happy with spending one night away (and mainly because I think parents deserve time off being not mum and dad every now and again)

longdistanceclaraclara · 21/08/2024 09:27

You are being ridiculous.

Scooby2024 · 21/08/2024 09:26

😂😂 this is a joke right? 💯 bridezilla. So what she doesn't stay the night before you will be bloody sleeping anyways.

Original poster
Bridely2be · 21/08/2024 09:26

Sorry, not a reverse. I edited as I realised without the point about logistics I sounded like a bridezilla. I'm not but I am annoyed that on my wedding I will be stressed about her getting to me on time. Logisticly we have an early wedding and full day and I don't see how with a baby overnight she will get to me ontime.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 21/08/2024 09:26

Reverse or just selfish?

Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby

If the wedding is far away, you accept some people will find this difficult and expensive. If the mum is looking after the baby (far far away), what are you hoping, that the dad will have the baby the night before the wedding and then travel up separately to this far far away place on the day of the wedding?

MultiplaLight · 21/08/2024 09:25

Yawn, a other reverse or bridezilla.

Raaraathelionrah · 21/08/2024 09:24

Oh Christ - are you actually serious?! Come back when you’ve had a baby and need to find childcare and let us know how that goes. She’s lucky she’s got her mum have the baby for 1 night- how selfish of you - your wedding is a big deal for you but no one else- people still have their responsibilities and can’t drop them for you????

Prisonbreak · 21/08/2024 09:24

I don’t think this is a reverse. I honestly think people are this entitled and self absorbed

Ratfinkstinkypink · 21/08/2024 09:24

100% brudezilla

Potentialmadcatlady · 21/08/2024 09:23

🙄

Falifornia · 21/08/2024 09:22

Errrm my bridesmaid had no kids and we managed a lovely wedding day, despite us both sleeping in our respective parents' houses the night before. Why TF do you need her with you the night before????? As long as she's there for hair and make-up (if required) the next morning, what's the drama?

MrsKwazi · 21/08/2024 09:22

Reverse posts are so tedious 🙄

LadyDanburysHat · 21/08/2024 09:22

Got to be a reverse. Sincerely hope it is.

romdowa · 21/08/2024 09:22

Invite the baby and then it's problem solved !

Blarn · 21/08/2024 09:21

Does anyone need to stay the night before a wedding? Unless it I'd iles away from your homes, then perhaps you should have considered the guests more.

Yahoo968 · 21/08/2024 09:21

Open your eyes and read the room.
Your wedding is only important to YOU.
Bridesmaids child is important to HER.

Spotlightt · 21/08/2024 09:20

Definitely a reverse.

CheeseWisely · 21/08/2024 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SatinHeart · 21/08/2024 09:20

Carebearsonmybed · 21/08/2024 09:19

Has to be a reverse!

That was my first thought too

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 21/08/2024 09:20

You are being very unreasonable and a horrible friend, why should your friend be away from her baby for two nights just because YOU are getting married 🤷🏼‍♀️ main character syndrome much 🙄

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