AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

YABU. People have different levels of tolerance in terms of their willingness to be away from their babies. Your wedding is important and your friend cares and will be there, but that doesn’t mean she will be willing to take a step she’s not ready for and be away from her baby for two nights. She’s your friend and you presumably love her, so you can show some tolerance for the stage of life she’s in and accept that there is a need for compromise.

What's the problem with her just driving up for 10am on the morning?

How about you invite her baby?

You still sound like a bridezilla.

"I made logistics difficult, and now bridesmaid won't do exactly as I want."

You're so unreasonable.

And the one night she has arranged to be away from her baby might be hard for her, logistically and emotionally. Did you invite her baby to the wedding?

Hope this is a reverse and you are the bridesmaid.

If not YABVU. Traditionally the maid of honour is the main support combined with brides family - and even then that is largely on the day. You are a bride, not the Queen of Sheba.

Be bloody grateful and actively supportive that she is coming and staying on the wedding night.

There's nothing to stress about, if she's late, she's late. The only person you have to worry about being on time is you and the groom (& the registrar). Everything else is irrelevant. YABU You'll understand once or if you have children. Congratulations on your wedding.

YABU to post such an obvious reverse.

YABU:

a) to 'demand' someone is at the wedding venue the night before (bridesmaid or not),
b) to expect your FRIEND to be away from her baby for 2 nights when there is absolutely no need (if she's breastfeeding it'll be a bloody nightmare for her),
c) to stress about logistics for someone, whom (believe it or not) you have absolutely no control over,
d) to have your wedding somewhere that's difficult/lengthy travel for people to get to if you didn't want to have these kind of issues/worries,
e) to expect your friend/bridesmaid to say 'how high' when you say 'jump'. Yes, it might be YOUR wedding but it really is only important to you/DP, it really isn't so important for everyone else.

I'm not but I am annoyed that on my wedding I will be stressed about her getting to me on time

That's on you, unless the BM has indicated otherwise.
How old is the baby?
It's next Spring, the BM has told you well in advance what her attending plans are.

I'm afraid you are being a Bridezilla.

“Surely that’s a pretty basic expectation.”

You sound horrendously entitled and are expecting far too much. It’s YOUR wedding not hers. Be grateful she’s staying the night of the wedding and stop thinking the world revolves around you.

How old is the baby?

I can see you point - if it's a wedding far from home, normally the bridal party needs to be up early and getting ready (my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!) so if you're a way from home I'd understand being worried about her turning up on time that early (especially if she's leaving children behind!). You can't have someone showing up late throwing the schedule off!

Honestly I'd have a chat with her and just say you understand her priority is her child, does she want to step down from being a bridesmaid so she doesn't need to worry about the logistics of getting there super early on the day of or similar?

It's absolutely fine for her to make the choice she doesn't want to leave her child for two nights, only one, but that might just mean it's worth stepping down to avoid the stress on everyone if she's late etc

How far from home, and how old is the baby?

Are you paying for the hotel rooms

I edited as I realised without the point about logistics I sounded like a bridezilla. I'm not

you are. You want a child free wedding miles from home. I’m amazed she’s agreed to come at all!

Gosh weddings are such a faff. Yabu.

You chose a miles-away location and an early ceremony and are annoyed it’s causing a logistical nightmare for people?!?!

Yes it’s your wedding, but your posts just scream ME ME ME!!!

I spent the night before my wedding, alone, because one friend refused because she couldn't sleep in a bed that wasn't hers, another was pregnant. Not the end of the world.

You most definitely are a bridezilla!

I'd be annoyed, but it's YABU for picking her as a bridesmaid. But if you did want her as a bridesmaid, do you really need her there? I'm assuming you have other people too. At least she's making an effort to come and be glad she's not wanting to bring the baby.

You absolutely do not need to worry about your bridesmaid getting there on time in the morning. You relax and enjoy getting ready, she will worry about the logistics of getting there. I'm assuming she has a plan of action for the morning, so there really is nothing to stress about here. I wouldn't want to leave my baby for 2 nights either

What the hell do you want her there the night before for? Your wonderful insta photos?