AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

It wasn’t

The bridesmaid lived a long way from the event (everyone else lived nearby). The wedding was in the morning. So it would have made sense rather than rushing round first thing and a long drive.

Edited to reflect PAST TENSE!

This was me. Absolutely no way I could leave my baby two nights in a row. It’s physically and mentally impossible. But, I stayed the night before the wedding with the bride so was there to get ready. OH came to the wedding, and I left the evening of the wedding day at an appropriate time.

Because maybe a wedding does not have to be a long drawn out event?

It’s 2025

SHES ALREADY MARRIED!

@BlondiePortz also the world does not stop because you have kids. What’s wrong with the baby’s dad being in charge for a night?

The world does not stop because you are getting married, no other way to pretty this up

You're totally unreasonable. In 9+ years. since they were born, I haven't left any of my children overnight for a single night with a sitter unless there has been a medical situation. I would never leave them for a night to attend a wedding and my friends are all the same way. If she's willing to do this even for a single night you need to be grateful you have such a wonderful friend. You are not the center of the universe.

As, LAST AUGUST, the OP said she was getting married next Spring, I'm guessing this has happened by now.

Just posting to say this
I don't quite get this website, everyone on it seems to be anti - bride.... must be a lot of jealous folk is all I can think!
is hilarious.

How do you make a leap from people holding a differnt opinion from yourself, to people
a) being "anti-bride" and
b) people being "jealous" ???

Shes having a night away

Beyond cheeky. You're lucky shes staying the wedding night. What do you need her the night before for?

@Skyhu I think the wedding is probably done and dusted now! The post is from last year..

YANBU, OP. It's your one wedding day and it's totally understandable that you want your nearest and dearest with you! You've spent so much time planning this and quite possibly a lot of money too!

Annoyingly, when it comes to children, you don't really have a leg to stand on with telling people what they can / can't do, but you are not unreasonable to feel upset about it!

I don't quite get this website, everyone on it seems to be anti - bride.... must be a lot of jealous folk is all I can think!

Hint writing "not being Bridezilla" in a post, doesn't actually stop you being a bridezilla if you decide to be one. Which you most definately have!!

The bridesmaid lives that far away, not the OP.

Jesus Christ. You’re lucky she agreed to be a bridesmaid at all.

Why did you book it far from home? This is your fault for not thinking of your guests. I bet you’re not paying for them to stay two nights are you?

Are you having a laugh? I was a bridesmaid and stayed with the bride as I was childless and single at the time and thought it would be nice. the other bridesmaid had a baby, so obviously wasn’t expected to stay and we made sure she was last for getting hair etc done the next day so she didn’t need to rush. Off your rocker thinking she should leave her baby for 2 nights 2 hours away!

OP has children.

Tell me you don’t have children without telling me you don’t have children 🤦‍♀️

seriously if it were me I wouldn’t be attending at all mines 5 and one night would be a push!!!

Maybe ask if it is easier for her not to be a bridesmaid and just attend as a regular guest. Then you won’t have to worry about her getting ready etc.

If part of being a bridesmaid for you involves spending the night before with the rest of the bridal party and she cant/wont manage that for whatever reason then she either needs to decline the offer or you need to make an accommodation for her.

It is not an unreasonable request for the bridal party to stay the night before (mine did) but also its not unreasonable for her to not want leave her child for 2 nights.

I wouldnt fall out over this. But i dont feel anyone is particularly unreasonable

YABU.

We didn’t have a night out until DS was 8yrs old as we couldn’t afford a babysitter.

We have no family nearby and I definitely wouldn’t have left my baby son for any length of time and especially not for a wedding.

Because you're thoughtless. And a bridezilla.

HTH.

Is she breast feeding? Because at 12 months breastfeeding is usual still a key part of night routine. if she is breast feeding 2 nights isn't really doable is it? She would have boobs like bowling balls and poor baby will not have usual comfort in the night from it's mother.

But even if not by breastfeeding, suddenly leaving baby for whole weekend would be a lot.
If she is only 2 hrs away I can't see the Issue.

My dc are 3.5 & 2 and I have not spent a night away from them yet. Except when I gave birth to number 2. Everybody feels differently about this and you have to accept whilst you were happy to get away for a night, another mother may feel differently. If the absolute worst happened and she never made it in time to the wedding, what does it actually matter? Yes it would be disappointing and annoying but you will still be married at the end of the day, and that is all that counts. So many things went wrong on my wedding day but we overlooked them because the most important thing was that we were married.

If I was her and I read this then I wouldn’t want to be your bridesmaid or friend any more.

Be grateful for all of the effort she’s putting into a day that is of no benefit to her at all.

Everything she is doing is purely for you and you’re still moaning she’s not doing enough.

You are not a good friend.