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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children on my front wall

135 replies

LighthouseTheme · 20/08/2024 23:22

I have a small wall (2 feet high maybe) at the front edge of my garden. The garden itself is small anyway - three big slabs width from the porch/front door (with a set back area under the front window, and a gated path down the side of the house to the back). There is also a low gate that I had put on as the fact that the path slopes slightly and there is no barrier between my neighbours, meant that it was sometimes used for scooters. [I do feel a diagram might help...]

It has only been in this last year that I have done much to the front - as it is south facing and almost any plants will certainly die. But I now have some hardy-ish ones in planters, a wreath on the side gate and a pear tree and honeysuckle trying their best on the side wall and high fence to the other side.

This last year, a new neighbour's daughter decided that the wall is perfect to walk along and jump off (I think she is 10). As my car is on the road outside, I would quite often see her do this. Despite having been friendly towards them, she often walks past and, without her mother seeing, and without looking back, gives me the finger gesture. I added some plants on the inside of the wall at two spots, making it pointless to walk along the full length of the wall, but she still did it, stepping on the leaves of the plants.

Tonight, I could hear loud voices right outside, and when I looked, a group of (definitely pre-teen) girls were on the wall, all facing my house, dancing and jumping around. There was definitely a goading feel to it - but I only (I think) know them by sight. By the time I had got myself together to go and speak to them, they had gone.

A little while later, I had gone out to my car, and two of them (plus a little boy, I think a brother) came back, not seeing me at first and climbing straight onto the wall. So, in the conversation we had, it seems that I have to let them do it as they "are kids", they want to learn to balance, I am unfair and spoiling their lives and basically what do I know, they can do what they want... oh, and I'm a Karen.

So, apart from this moan, I am at a loss. The wall covers the length front of both my house and next door and so at my side, there are the plants in pots at either "end", and usually a bowl of water for dogs on the pavement side. But nothing for the half of the length outside next door.

My pathetic passive-aggressive attempts to prevent it are obviously not enough to stop them - and I fully expect to be ramped up now - or worse (I live in/close to a not-so-great area - and have been burgled and bullied and targeted in the past); sadly, the behaviour even at the start seemed very "goady" anyway, so I don't doubt I have already done something to warrant it.

Oh, what to do?
And I don't really think IABU but maybe I should let them just carry on.... (which I don't want to do)

OP posts:

Thread gallery

sashh · 22/08/2024 10:35

I'd check your house insurance so if they do fall off and get hurt you may well be covered. I'm not an expert but I think they would have to prove you negligent.

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 22/08/2024 10:29

UnfriendMe · 22/08/2024 00:12

I agree with the rest of the comments about spiky plants, fence, something sticky etc, but what hasn't been pointed out is liability. Is this wall your property and on your boundary? I'm assuming it is. Well then what if one of those kids gets hurt? I can see the parents claiming you are liable.

@CandidaAlbicans2 You are right (but it has been pointed out...), and as a one time H&S Warden for a 7 million pound 4-storey building (including a Pilot Plant and 50 employees), I have always had one eye on dangers and potential hazards.

I know how easy it is to tear ligaments and break bones even falling off high heels. This wall and their antics are a recipe for an accident to happen, and I feel sure that their parents would come after me, for one reason another, should anything bad happen. (Whilst at the same time, endorsing the kids' actions - as in, "They can do what they want".)

So in one sense, I am covering myself by asking them not to do what they are doing - and of course, making it difficult for them to play on it at all with planting and fencing. Again, nothing sticky, spiky or generally unpleasant, as 1) there is a two-year-old next door, who also does not understand boundaries, 2) it is my garden/frontage, and I have to take care of it and see it.

OP posts:

UnfriendMe · 22/08/2024 00:12

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 18:44

@Genevieva Crikey - I've just looked up pyracantha ---- it's like the red weed from War of the Worlds!

Good thinking 😁

OP posts:

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 18:42

Ooh @CandidAquaBiscuit -- poor you, that sounds awful.
I'm sure things/places are getting worse and worse; your situation makes mine sound positively peaceful. It is horrid to have to move due to factors that you can't control, and that you don't bring on yourself. The Associations and Councils should be able to do something about anti-social behaviour, but I know from other experiences that I have had (and still do) that they either cannot, or will not and don't have the funds or resources anyway....
Good luck with moving x

OP posts:

Makingchocolatecake · 21/08/2024 17:28

My brick wall is perfect sitting height but no one does because it has a top row of turret- type bricks (one side ways, one normal etc). Or get those mini railings or a shaped brick top edge or something

Genevieva · 21/08/2024 17:26

LighthouseTheme · 20/08/2024 23:28

I have them at the back! 12 feet tall, and FULL of berries.
The only thing that protects me from the worst of this area (banger cars, fires, floodlights, scooters, motorbikes, drug deals ---- you name it...)
But a good suggestion, although the sun would kill them.
I have no soil out the front, so things have to grow in planters; they don't really stand much chance with the sun as well.

Show quote history

Sounds like pyracantha. Very pretty, with red green or yellow berries, evergreen and has spikes. It’s a good option and you can get espalier and trellis trained versions in lots. Just pop them in a long planter or in separate pots side by side. They will still grow into a hedge that overhangs the wall if you water them. You could even lift the paving slabs and plans them into the ground.

Greybobblyowl · 21/08/2024 17:26

The thing is I suspect that every little adjustment you make to that wall to put them off will just make it more interesting and they are probably looking for a reaction, sounds as if their parents may be similar and unfortunately encouraging them?

It’s your wall and you should be able to tell
them get off and stay off but it may be better to de escalate by not reacting, get some temporary net curtains and I’d be pretty sure they’ll find someone else to bother after all it’s going to get boring for them at some point 😂

CandidaAlbicans2 · 21/08/2024 17:21

@LighthouseTheme poor behaviour from neighbours really does take a toll doesn't it and I can sense how much it does on you. One thing I'd add apart from the practical ideas PPs have had such as railings and planters, is what could you do to feel less bothered about these kids? A counsellor told me "You can't control what other people do, only how you react to them" (or something like that). What she suggested is finding ways to be less bothered about the crap behaviour. That can be anything from distraction techniques, to deciding not to look at them/not monitor the situation and do something far more pleasant instead. Easier said than done I realise.

So although I agree about railings and planters, the danger is if you do this now the kids know you'd made the changes to put them off and they just try something else to wind you up instead.

Could you try and ignore it for a few more weeks, until they've gone back to school, and see if things improve then? Or see how things are over the autumn/winter when the weather is worse and the days shorter? Then make the changes to the wall in the winter when they haven't had a reaction (even a look) from you for so long they think you're no longer bothered?

SensibleSigma · 21/08/2024 17:16

If you put things on top they’ll be accidentally knocked off.
I’d go more subtle. A few more potted plants that are a bit more pokey- Cordyline has soft leaves. Something a bit more structured. Maybe a standard photinia or holly.

CandidAquaBiscuit · 21/08/2024 17:13

My road would drive you insane I have no fence around my front garden at all and kids use it as pissing playground all day long they literally play in it and stand in my path lots and lots of different kids and they honestly aren't the kids you would want to deal with their hell razors swear at people none stop and even smack my front door time to time I live in social housing and it's a horrible road with bloody awful neighbours to on that note I'm actually giving my keys back to my housing association because of it all and they do nothing I really know how irritating it is having kids hang around in your garden

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 16:57

@tailofthecock

Thank you 😊 it's only recently that I have done much, apart from the gates... and I know it's still not much really.
Down the side is all fairy lights and a slightly out of control elder plant. It's verging on twee, I know.

OP posts:

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 16:21

@HeliotropePJs You're not wrong --- I probably should have put planters and sun-loving plants on the wall.... When I first put plants out there, the neighbourhood cats were using them, and it did put me off a bit. As well as everything seeming to die on me.
The useful ideas are making good sense to me, so more research is being done right now.
But obviously they need to be evergreen.

OP posts:

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 16:17

Whew, I am back from Wickes (road works), and researched railings - which look very nice. They cost £100! - and in principle, why should I spend that, or anything, due to their behaviour.... Although the man in next village would put his reclaimed ones on, fitted, for £25... I didn't realise what a bargain that was!

I too believe that all they will do is hang off the railings and cause more damage, and not sure how they would look at the outside edge. Needs more consideration.

I wish I could post the video. It would show even in the 20 seconds I got (which was a fraction of the time they were doing it), that it was so much more than just walking along the wall. Looked particularly stupid, but nevertheless, the intention was unpleasant.

I had been back five minutes, and the younger two must have seen me, and were outside on the pavement (boy on his scooter, wearing T-shirt this time), speculating about where my bike was, looking up the side path, pondering where I might be - all very loudly). I could "watch" them from a concealed vantage point, but Good God, it's not what I want to be spending time doing.

It's cold and windy, so there will not be so much hassle today - but it's earlier than it all started yesterday. I have money on it.

OP posts:

Augustisnearlydonesogoodbyesun · 21/08/2024 14:03

We had a drunken man in his 40's fall on our front wall. His dm actually stormed round to tell us to get it sorted as he could have hurt himself!! Not sure how I kept a straight face... It had railings on the front years ago. Just the stumps now. Rented house so nowt to do with us. Dh did end up boxing it in to string Christmas lights along the front. Bet she thinks we did as we were told!!

HeliotropePJs · 21/08/2024 13:55

I'd also suggest a metal railing placed at the furthest edge away from your house, if that's possible to add, or a timber fence. Whichever you prefer, or whichever is more affordable or easier to add.

Maybe I've missed a reason not to do so (beyond too much sun making it more difficult to find plants that would be happy growing there), but my first move would have been lining several plant pots/boxes along the top of the wall, not just a couple behind it or at the ends. It may not be a look you'd like, but if you put enough pots along the wall, the bratty kid won't be able to walk there and may find the location less appealing. Unless she's brazen enough to push them off the wall, that is, which is why a sturdy railing or fence would be the better option, if it's feasible.

tailofthecock · 21/08/2024 11:56

A low wall is a magnet to kids isn't it. I remember walking on walls when I was young. I wouldn't have realised that this would have been annoying/whatever to the owner of that wall, at that age, but if challenged, I would never have walked on their wall again, let alone pulled a finger!!

It's either you ignore the behaviour and as they get bored of getting no reaction from you, they'll move on or you get metal railings and place them on the edge of the wall, nearest the pavement, you could then hang some little planters off the railings, facing towards your house.

If you place them in the middle of the wall, the little shits kids will still walk on the half of the wall and hang onto the railings in doing so.

Your front garden looks lovely btw.

betterangels · 21/08/2024 11:45

Get some metal railings, OP.

betterangels · 21/08/2024 11:40

HolibobsMum · 21/08/2024 00:07

Does it matter if they walk on the wall?

Why should OP put up with it, though? It matters to her.

Children shouldn't be allowed to do anything they want at all times, especially not on other people's property.

blackcherryconserve · 21/08/2024 11:13

SalviaDivinorum · 20/08/2024 23:32

Berberis is pretty tolerant of full sun and is good and prickly

I was going to suggest Berberis too.

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 11:11

alrightluv · 21/08/2024 11:05

This 🤣 Scare them with friendliness

Show quote history

To be honest, the way I spoke to them yesterday was not especially unfriendly initially.... But the spokesgirl of the group WAS rude and unpleasant, so I just turned up the use of big words and long sentences. That resulted in the "Karen" being shouted from about 50 feet away.

Although, if you're too friendly here - and they don't know or aren't related to you, you're classed as a weirdo. And I have had that said to me more than once, not keen for it to happen again.
I don't WANT to (even pretend) to be friendly.... why bother?

Let alone, they were not just walking on the wall.
I have photos and video of what they were doing, and it was really ridiculous!

OP posts:

kiwiane · 21/08/2024 11:09

I’d go for the timber fence.
If their parents were reasonable I’d talk to them.
You want to prevent your wall being their hang out space as they’ll be there for years whenever the weather allows.

alrightluv · 21/08/2024 11:05

sarahzbaker · 20/08/2024 23:30

Actually/ go and say Hi. What gwan?
They will probably be horrified

This 🤣 Scare them with friendliness

Original poster

LighthouseTheme · 21/08/2024 11:01

@DoreenonTill8
Yes, that has been at the forefront of what I think about doing...
I studied and have always been keen on Health & Safety, and even at a low level, it would apply to what they are doing. Probably more so with the way disputes and grievances are handled around here.
I just have a vision of something small, and me rightly defending myself, growing into a massive issue that ends up with me dead.
Not only that, I only want outside what I want or would like.... hence no spikes, or sticky things, or ants (have them anyway, and create my own non-toxic deterrent as I also have hedgehogs who expect to be fed every night), bad odors or manure.
What I am working on, with lots of these suggestions in mind, is an obnoxious-children deterrent. High on the passive-aggressive scale, but that's fine with me.
Equally, I could do aggressive, but no doubt, I would be the one in trouble with the Police!

OP posts:

DoreenonTill8 · 21/08/2024 10:53

Salumthecat · 20/08/2024 23:28

Can you put something sticky on the wall?

I don’t think talking to them will help - or their parents by the sound of it. You need some sort of deterrent.

Could you try anti climb paint or try spiked wall toppings?
I know they are kids but they are doing it to goad you and I wouldn’t be happy about it either. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of people who disagree and say it’s not harming anyone but that’s not the point. If you let them climb on the wall then what will they decide to climb on next?!

This and according to a recent post on here, if they injure themselves 'playing' on your wall, apparently you can be sued!

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