Just a rant about how blatantly unfair this is for women?

Why? The vast majority of women do change when they become mothers..their priorities change, and if they dont, they generally get on with the job anyway, just not especially happily. The vast vast majority do not say "bugger this" and walk away. If women can do it, why not men? If most women accept the curtailment if their social life, fitness time, promotion prospects, why can't men? Why is it foolish to expect that?

I know like how dare she live her own life! My ex does 30 PC and pays maintenance and he's a hero!!!

If you think that a man will evolve into a better human being after becoming a father than you are a fool.

(Ive not read the whole thread yet so might be late to the party anyway )

Could we take it to mother pukka Anna Whitehouse she's done great things with the flex appeal. Recently divorced too.

Completely agree. I thought I'd got past the bitter stage but last month I found out my ex is retiring at 60 while I'll be working full time till I'm 67. He never did any holiday care or part time hours. I picked it all up, and earned less and had fewer career choices as a result. And some women and many men are absurdly congratulatory when the absent father spends any time whatsoever with his kids, like it's some kind of hardship. Makes me want to scream.

Sadly you have read correctly and he is still looking for ways to get it reduced further. In the meantime he is in the pub at least 3 nights a week, runs 4 vehicles and has just had building work done on his property, CMS have been told he's on minimum wage working reduced hours. It's a joke. I have to prove that he has undeclared income, sadly I don't have time to be a PI on top of raising my kids and working.

reading & can't believe... $43 per week?? what an insult

Things can change significantly once children are part of the relationship. Change often starts when there is a pregnancy. When formerly apparently decent men become abusive, the behaviour frequently begins during pregnancy or after children are born because women are then so much more vulnerable and 'dependent' to a degree. Financially, socially, mentally and physically vulnerable.
The dynamic between two formerly 'equal' partners can shift hugely. That's what happened to me. Mine was actually great during the planned pregnancy. After baby was born things changed. He said and did things I never thought possible.
These men can change overnight, and we women, for we are simply human too, do not have some kind of 'waste of space' psychic radar.

You are victim shaming.

There is a woman on Instagram who has a 10 year old. His dad has him more than 50% she pays maintenance and sees the child but she gets nothing but abuse from people. Why is it so different for women?

Some mothers take the piss. Some fathers step up.

Most mothers step up. Most fathers take the piss.

Both are true. It's a question of numbers. Not all men, but overall it's a man problem.

Remember this thread when the right wing press finally starts screaming about falling birth rates.

Then remember how they vilified single mothers and immigrants while remaining curiously silent about how utterly pathetic many 'men' are. Working cash in hand, drinking and gambling, moving through a string of idiotic women believing the crazy ex stories. Turning into incels when they lose their capacity to attract fresh meat.

Then see if the press finally starts telling men to shape up. Of course they won't. Expect misogyny on steroids at that point with women expected to be Handmaids.

That would never, ever happen, wastingtimeonhere.

Can you imagine the scenario? It would be "ok, you first". I wouldn't do it, even for the greater good. My children aren't guinea pigs.

Sorry but that would just never come to pass - and that is the sticking point.

Maybe it needs mothers to walk away from families in the same number as men. When the state has to pick up the care/cost, then it would have to change.

Also, low income NRP need to be able to afford/access suitable accommodation to house their offspring 50%. The few NRP I know live in HMO, so can't have kids there, work in hospitality and retail, so can't afford better. They can't get top up for above their own basic need.
RP can access rental/ social housing with top up even though it's difficult for some.

Completely agree op. I'm always astounded that when there are discussions around child poverty, the fact that those children are most often in single mum households with the dad providing precisely fuck all is ignored!

The single biggest thing we could do to alleviate it is getting the bloody dads to pay for their kids. It's something the US and other countries do so much better than us.

I know - pretty rubbish that on the whole, women do most of the childcare and are out of pocket.

However, when the little ones are older they will appreciate their mum was always present - when they are sick, when they need physical and emotional help. They will always look to you as the person they trust to be there, not the absent father.

Therefore, the father might be having a great moment with more money and free time, but when he is older he will wonder why his children wont contact him as much.

Being a feckless twat shouldn't save you from anything. If you're that lacking then book yourself in for a vasectomy and save everyone the hassle.

If you father a child then you're responsible for it, not ifs or buts. Whatever you have to do to provide for them should be an obvious mandate but if that doesn't appear to you naturally then there's (or bloody should be) a legal mechanism to make you do it.

Imagine how it would be if this were reversed and women would be the ones walking away (which they almost never would), there would be outcry and there would be goodness knows what in place - immediately - to make them support their children financially. No excuses and no leeway either.

The only difference is that women somehow make it work and have done that to their own detriment... because there is no choice.

Totally agree with the poster. Maybe Mumsnet could raise this issue?

Nope. That was my dad while mum ran off to another country with a younger man, and paid no maintenance for my sister and I.
I accept it's not the norm but it does happen and those dad's have it just as hard as the single mums.
And no, there was no BBC documentary made about him FFS

This is exactly what my ex did
They rang him (after 'trying to contact' him for around two years,even though I'd told them where he lived)
He laughed and told them 'she gets benefits for them-i ain't paying'
They took him at his word and wrote off all the money he owed and hasn't seen them in over 20 years
He tells everyone I'm the evil ex who stopped him seeing his kids
(After dragging me through the courts as a way to control me and blacken my name,as 'it's free innit?')
I'm owed thousands of pounds but he got away with it-holidays abroad,posh cars,nice clothes-while I was scraping the money together to pay for the kids tea and school shoes
If I'd had done what he did,I'd have been in prison-as it is,I'm the nasty,evil bitch ex who tried to take all his money-he even had the nerve to chase me through town,screaming at me that I'd spent all his money on my clothes,hair,nails and make up-laughable as he'd never paid a penny in the first place
It makes me so angry

Someone really does need to do something. Simple petition or something. This is an old story that isn't going to change anytime soon otherwise.
And people need to stop blaming women for their poor choices in men (or vice versa!) because this isn't always the case - it's simply the case that men can walk away far too easily.

(And yes, I know women can walk away - but she is absolutely burned by society if she does!)

DH and I fell out with his cousin 25 ish years ago because he acted like this - boasted about not paying for his DC, told anyone that would listen that his ex was a psycho who kept the kids from him - We pulled him up on it in public and he was furious. Truth was his ex wife was devastated that he was shagging around and dabbling in drugs. He was a high earner but had his earnings paid in dividends with a tiny wage on paper.
It is unbelievably grim that this shit still goes on.

How do we effect change rather than moan about the situation?

Make it a crime for fathers not to pay child maintenance.
Bring down the cost of childcare. Britain has some of the most expensive childcare in Europe.
Bring in flexible working where possible for everyone.
Longer paternity leave so fathers can bond with their children.