Just a rant about how blatantly unfair this is for women?

I know several men who have done it. But I agree it’s not the norm. But I wouldn’t say it’s socially unacceptable it’s just that most men don’t want to do it.

Those saying that men fool women and pretend to be something they're not, and that women do it too are only really addressing one aspect of this....those who get pregnant in short term relationships. I don't think the ones who up and leave after years and years are pretending all that time. They actually do change...plenty of us have experienced this. I genuinely thought my ex must be having some kind of MH episode and was frantically trying to work out how to help him when he left for ow and became hostile and distant overnight.
Regardless of any of it though, it frankly is completely irrelevant as to how women end up "holding the baby". The absent parent needs to be made to support their child to a reasonable degree. The only exception to this is disability at which point an additional payment is made to the RP from the state.

I am so shocked at the amount of women blaming other women. I think yes there can be instances where poor decision making can play a part. But there are millions of women who are in long established relationships with men who project themselves as good family men and then one day just up and leave. I was with my partner 14 years and then one day he literally just announced he was leaving for another women. I was completely blindsided. After repeatedly being told he loved his family so much, planning for the future. It felt like a click of the fingers and a total personality change.

@thiscantbemylife

Your post could literally be my post. Our situations are virtually identical. I could never have imagined I’d end up a single mum in these circumstances.

And this is why men will never be forced to take responsibility for they own children, even other women blame single mothers for he situation they find themselves in.

Righto. Back at ya.

There's straw in your teeth.
I suggest you learn to discuss things with a modicum of integrity instead of being so goady and up your own ass.

THIS. A thousand times over

Notice how the smart women don't seem to do this, and as women get smarter, less are having children

Righto. Women are just innocent, stupid people who have to have children with useless men. Ok then.

Huh? Somehow we're "dishonest" because we had no example of male nuturance growing up? You're really clutching at straws to blame women.

"Playing the victim." The favourite phrase of useless men and their female enablers who want to be seen as "cool girls."

Not as much, no. We don't have to. Men don't tend to be as bothered about our character as long as we look good.
A perusal of the relationship threads will show you that while women often falsely blame themselves for relationship breakdown, it is usually the man who is mostly at fault.

Why would you assume it would have to be equal?
That would require both parties to be a match in terms of character. How often does that happen in the real world?

But you've said it right there, many women don't know what a good man should look like. I think unless women start being more honest then nothing will change. This thread is a good example where women are choosing to play the victim as though they have no choice who they procreate with

I remember a joke, which actually seems so true as I am now in my 40s. Men marry women, hoping they won't change, and women marry men hoping they will. It's very true in many cases

Your own personal experience is not the sum total of all experience.

Some of them hide it very well. Many people still think my ex is a great guy, even knowing some of the awful things he has done. His facade is that convincing.
How do you think con artists manage to get money out of people?
It's human to want to trust and to believe. Without trust, life isn't much worth living. Do we blame Bernie Madoff's victims or do we blame Madoff?

The other part is that when women do see red flags, other people try to talk us out of trusting our own intuition. They tell us we are "too fussy" about men or some such nonsense. They warn us that our biological clocks are ticking and we'll end up alone if we don't accept that that's "just the way men are."
Add in that most of us did not grow up in an environment where we saw males being nurturing, so it's just seen as normal if they are useless selfish fuckers rather than a sign of bad things to come.

So do women hide who they really are or just men? Why are men to blame when relationships go wrong I presume both are equal when it comes to blame? And showing the next generation how their parents choices and relationships affect the children who take it to the next generation and so on

Look at all the threads on here with women who have chosen to have multiple children with men who don't even want to have a joint bank account with them and share finances, let alone marry them. They aren't some poor innocent victims, they are just stupid

Because the men don't care. They don't actually want to get married and have children. Well not many anyway.

I agree they stop hiding, but it was always there if people bothered to look. I say this from my own personal experience!

They don't turn into shitty people. They just stop hiding who they really are because they no longer care if they keep the relationship or because they think the woman is stuck and will never leave.

But by all means take the complexity out of it and just bleat some simplistic garbage that blames women for the deeds of men.

Then why don't those men do that? What do they have to lose?

This thread is a bit of a joke. If prior to getting pregnant the man told the women there was no guarantee he'd stick around, 99% sure the woman would still happily get pregnant. Its very rare these men suddenly turn into shitty people, the signs were always there. The real issue is that most women think they need a man and children to be successful and happy. That's literally the root cause.

Really? It's not up to you to teach your children and to recognise goos people? OK well as long as women like to plead stupid and not take any self responsibility then this will continue to happen. FYI it's your job as a parent, so you are failing miserably. This is exactly why that cycle of poverty and shit continues

This was exactly me!!! He was genuinely amazing, literally perfect in my eyes - ticked a lot of boxes... hit 36/37 (typical 'mid-life crisis' age for a man) and suddenly wanted his single style life back with a woman that had no children. Now out every weekend on the sauce and taking fancy holiday's, while I'm worrying about where I'll find the money for their school shoes this month and he'll have seen the kids a total of 12 hours 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think there are lots of women "desperate for children" (very long explanation below. You don't have to read it but I cant make it shorter...)

There a lot of women who really want children/who are trying to find the right partner/worrying about their biological clock etc and decrying the lack of men wanting to settle down. And some women who never find the right man in time and end up without children despite desperately wanting them. But part of the "problem" for those women is that they are not "desperate enough" to lower their standards. Most of the women I know want a partner, children but they have a minimum level of what they want from a partner, below which they would rather be single. Which is actually reasonable. The problem is, you could find someone who seems super committed, who says all the right things, who even marries them and then bails. And in some cases it is fairly obvious from the outside that the man is not reliable but, even then, the women with them seem convinced they are OK. Its very rare for women to deliberately look for a man who is going to leave them with kids (even if in some cases you think "really?")

So, it would be interesting if, in the hypothetical case that men suffered much greater consequences for abandoning their children to see if it affected men's willingness to have children in the first place. If it did, I don't think you would get large numbers of women being more "desperate" than they are now. If they were, they could use sperm donation. Which is less ideal (fathers are important for children, single mums have less financial security) but if the father was going to walk out anyway, meh. There would be more certainty, if male behaviour did change, that the man actually did want children. Which might make women less likely to prevaricate.

What we are seeing at the moment, is women being picky about having children, and the availability of birth control, is already lowering the birth rate (about 50% of the reduction in American birth rates is due to the reduction in teenage pregnancies. A good thing). But the people malding about it, are mostly right wing, mostly male sources. There are women upset about not having a man to have children with. But its a quality issue not a quantity issue. That wouldn't change.