Just a rant about how blatantly unfair this is for women?

This happens all the time on mn - I’ve always seen these threads full if other women saying they only get £2 so stop complaining. It’s part lf the problem that women in the UK who are single parents are so short of resources that it’s a complete race to the bottom. It prevents any kind of organised solidarity and is a factor that prevents change and protects the system. Agree the uk is deeply misogynistic when it comes to parenting.

I totally agree OP. The only sweet thing to come out of it is the wonderful relationship you end up having with your DC. Mine are young adults now and barely speak to him, he is most upset. He thinks he has been a 'wonderful' Father because he did pay maintenance (having been forced via the CMS after giving me shit loads of abuse). He met another woman and barely saw his children, luckily my kids see him for who is and he is by far the biggest loser.

There is a FB group Deadbeat Dad Wall of Shame.

👏👏👏

You have every right to be bitter. It's a massive injustice that men get away with this. It's one of the reasons women are increasingly opting to stay single.

My husband recently noted how frustrated he is by the amount of times someone will say something like "oh, looking after the baby today are you?" if he takes our son out. Yet, I never get any comments about it being my day to "look after the baby" or "where's dad today?".

😂😂did you meet my ex? He also tells me and anyone who will listen, at every opportunity exactly how much I earn (child support declare each others income) and why it is reprehensible that he is required to pay child support when I earn more money than him. He also reminds me how much I earn and criticise me for where I bought my house (in the ghetto), what the child wears (cheap and nasty), where we go on holiday etc etc. he lives with his mother and has no idea how much it costs to live in the real world.

he sees her once a month. And has thousands of dollars of unpaid child support.
he counter claimed child support requesting I should pay his mileage for picking her up once per month.

Hearing you.
worst of all is the grief kid gives when one day per month Disney dad comes to town and they are in full meltdown after eating maccas and sweets all day and watching what ever they want on you tube for six solid hours.

being the not fun parent who pays for fucking everything and has sacrificed everything absolutely sucks at times.

Absolutely true. I’m an attorney in the western USA and last year I argued successfully for dad to go to jail. 10 days in jail and 30 days to pay 30% of back due child support or else jail again. Honestly, it felt great.

No and the bizarre thing is also, if on ex time, anything happens, or they don't apply eczma cream and you meticulously do, when you take them for checks (as its always you) you get the blame for everything 😅 why didn't you force the poor man who you don't talk to to do it right.. you have to take the blame for any mess up they do.

No professionals ever hold the dad accountable, all requests, advice everything is just expected for mum to sort and to control the ex. I know it's hard for full time dad's too as they are dismissed and they ask for mum 😂 the insanity of it drives me mad.

Or simply when they are toilet trained and can use a knife and fork. 🙄

My ex refused to have DS overnight or on his own between the ages of 0 and 5 because he refused to feed or change him. Just pathetic!

I'd never thought of that but a public record of how much these men pay would be an excellent idea. Then a new woman would have literal data to know how much of a deadbeat Dad their new boyfriends were.

I know it couldn't be done in practice but as a concept I love it.

The whole 'single mother - irresponsible drain on society' narrative annoys me. I am a single mum because my ex was abusive.

I work full time and always have done
I've been a net contributor for 35 years
I have my DS (gladly) 340 nights a year
I do all appointments and am responsible for every aspect of parenting
My DS is clean, polite, healthy, well balanced, well educated, well fed and well provided for.
I am prudent and financially competent.

I do not claim benefits
I do not expect the state to house us
I do not pop a baby out once a year
My children do not have multiple father's (obviously)

I do a better job than millions of two parent households, and while I don't expect applause or even thanks because parenthood is my choice, I'd really appreciate any government that recognised the hard work single parents put in to make up for the laziness and selfishness of others.

Or at the very least, stopped making bigoted assumptions and negative generalisations.

What's the alternative to not accepting it then🤔

I think it’s time we set up a name and shame site,
but would probably be banned over some bollocks 🤣

I'd be bitter. 🤬

Spot on op.

It's single mothers who carry the lions share of all the burdens. And of course we are demonised for it.

Yes, this is awful. My ex is on disability benefits and he pays me £20 a week, plus pays what he can afford towards extras such as school trips, activities, etc.. My ex is probably rare in that he cares and does what he can.

I don't think child maintenance rates are unreasonably low. Child care costs are the anomaly though.

The solution is 50/50 shared care. That way there's no maintenance payments to disagree over, both parents have equal opportunity to work, and both parents pay their own childcare costs.

But the cold hard reality is that, generally, separated parents who don't parent their kids, still wouldn't be pulling their weight with it even if the couple hadn't separated.

Amen OP

This is really good and sad to see it all written down so honestly. Someone needs to summarise this and pop it on a public Facebook post so we can share (and tag those loser dads in!) to highlight the harsh reality but also to celebrate how much single female parents do and go through

@SaintHonoria it's a little more complex than that. It is not always a case of women choosing poor males. The capacity for change or behaviour that was completely unpredictable is a real thing.

Even if we accept your point that women may in some instances make poor choices on this one, the original post still stands and is entirely valid.

There are countries that demand non-resident parent to take a loan out if they're not meeting payments - which countries?
Always assumed UK was top of a very low deal for resident parents.

3 hours a week contact (where he gets help from his parents)
No CMS - pays the mortgage instead. About £650pm.
CMS calc says he would pay £500pm. 84k over 14 years.
So for about 14 years he'll have 'overpaid' £150pm based on CMS calculations vs. mortgage. About £25k over.
When the youngest is 18 the house has to be sold, I have to pay him (based on last valuation) about 60k.
So he'll have technically only paid 24k CMS in 14 years.
Whereas if I'd accepted CMS, I wouldn't be expected to reimburse him in anyway, when youngest hits 18?
And I'm the psycho ex that has ruined his life and 'taken all his money'.
Had 5 foreign holidays since he left, (I haven't been able to afford 1, let alone 5) and never taken his kids.

Am I bitter? Of course!!!!
But me and the kids wouldn't change a thing.
I would, however, pay good money to see him named and shamed somehow, for the deadbeat he has become.

@YellowAsteroid my YouTube algorithm might be so messed up now after watching too many videos ' Candace Owens is one that is continually popping up.

Anyway, I have not seen one video or one public figure talking in the way you just described. Instead, any man like this is referred to as a ' simp'.