Sons birthday and grandparents

TBH, it's a bit unusual for a teenager to be very keen on seeing his grandparents on his birthday, especially if he'll see them a week later.
OP, I wonder if your son is picking up your anxiety and disappointment about not having a wider family circle around him.
It might make a difference, even if you say nothing explicitly, to keep in the front of your mind all the good things in his life, including you and any friendships he has and the fact that he's a young person just entering what can be a very exciting and rewarding time of life. Be happy for him and proud of him, and let him pick up those vibes.

Spin it, you get 2 birthdays now! More celebrations of you.

My parents are like this to me! Honestly I've been raised in a "as long as we do something that suits our schedule you're the unreasonable one" my whole life. But, as a single parent who has to do alternative Christmas and birthdays the special day is any day you chose as well. NYD is my Christmas day and I make it special and meaningful as Christmas is the day I spend with him not necessarily 25th.

I get iti do they are choosing this crappy behavior! It does hurt. I'm sure they'll be the first to complain when he's older and doesn't visit them/prioritizing their important dates as we votes with his feet when he's older.

Sounds like it’s been an ongoing issue. The grandparents will miss out as soon he will be an adult. My DS teenager is very close to grandparents

If he was 4 or 5 I'd say yeah OK they could have prioritised him but FFS he is 15 he's barely still a child. My 7yo would be able to understand and comprehend that he isn't the centre of the universe, some of us have jobs where parents aren't even able to be home for birthdays, Xmas. Think forces, Emergency Services. I think your son needs to grow up.

It could be worse … We had the best relationship with DHs parents (our child’s grandparents) then in their late 60s joined a cult which don’t celebrate birthdays, Christmas, any usual holiday which calendars are revolved around. Now we have no relationship. A few days later or even a week would be fine with me.

Some grandparents are just like that. Perhaps you could have a word with them and say he seemed a bit disappointed that they couldn’t make his birthday plans this year so let’s try and make his 16th a bit special? Hopefully they will think ahead and ask you your plans before making arrangements

At that age I would think friends would be priority.

How often do they see, how far away do they live?

Extended birthdays are the best!

What plans were you trying to make? Surprised a 15 year old would be fussed tbh surely weekend before or after for likes of family meal is fine

I'm glad he feels safe enough with you to say how he feels. He has a right to mind, if he's hurt he's hurt. Takes a village, a family etc.

Him first every time...

well they've been like that since I was born so I don't expect anything different 😔

how does he know this? its a very deep and strange comment for a 14 year old to make? if they have always been like this, why are you surprised that this birthday is any different to all the others his grandparents have not been there for?

grandparents have lives too. why do they have to attend every single family occasion? why does their diary have to work around all grandchildrens birthdays?

i would understand GC being upset if it was a special birthday.. but he's 15! whats so special about that?

he will see his grandparents the weekend after.. nothing wrong in that

When my dgc are that age I'd be delighted that they cared so much about whether I was there or not!

I don't really understand the issue here either. Grandparents visiting on your birthday when you are a teenager shouldn't be that big a deal. Sometimes I see my Grandchildren on their birthdays and sometimes I see them a few days either side. (they are aged 12 -18)

Is there a backstory here? Not unreasonable that the GP's have already got plans. Nor is it reasonable in my view, that you expect them to cancel those plans. Out of interest, what is it they are doing?

I don't understand why your son would be so disappointed either. Is that an expectation which you have put into his head, or what's the bckground?

Is your son correct, have they always been like this? If so why did you think this time would be any different?

I would just accept that it is their loss that they don’t have as great a relationship with your son as they could have.

At that age I'm a bit surprised that his main birthday celebrations would include grandparents rather than friends. If you were making the plans maybe you should have checked their availability first? Definitely sell the birthday week idea and two lots of cake.

My dad always comes over to see my son every Saturday.
During school holidays he will also come over one day in the week, usually a Tuesday but it depends on the weather.

If my son's birthday happens to fall on a Saturday then my dad sees him on his birthday.
If my son's birthday falls on a Sunday or a weekend then my dad doesn't see him on his birthday.
Most years my son is in school on his birthday anyway.
I really don't see it as an issue.

I'm surprised a teen would be disappointed that his DGPs can't visit on his actual birthday. Would he not want to spend the day with friends?

I struggle to 'get' the whole everything has to be done on the day thing. But then my DS birthdays is Christmas Day so that's been fun over the years! It's what YOU make of it. I don't see anything wrong in them visiting a week later. If anything, it will extend celebrations for him. I'm wondering, same as a PP, if there is a back story here and if he is picking up on your vibes?

Any chance your son has picked up on your own vibe/expectations over this? My son is slightly younger and over the years has often seen his grandparents/other family a week or so before or after the actual event and it really doesn’t bother any of us. What is the back story here?

Just make a big thing of having 2 celebrations - even better 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hehe love this post 🤣 in fact its my most favorite post ever!!!

Extended celebrations is always a great thing

Bring it on .

In my family its normal to see grandkids 'near' their birthdays
I've actively discouraged them expecting to see dgc on birthday week as its hard to do birthday party and see GPs. I'm surprised a 14yo is so bothered about GPs. You should take care not to make him pick up on your negativity. Sounds like damage is already done (by you).

I don't see the issue in celebrating it a week later. That's entirely normal for many (probably most) families. He wouldn't have thought it was a bad thing if they didn't make it that day unless that's what you've taught him.

I don't understand why he's so upset, isn't he doing something with his friends, it's pretty unusual to be so disappointed at his age. Also it's perfectly normal to not rearrange plans if they are already in place for a visit to see him it's not like they're missing a party or anything are they?

I think you can have an immediate family celebration on the big day and maybe even a school friends get together that weekend and then the next weekend see the grandparents - it sounds very normal to me - pitch it that they get an extended birthday celebration!