when to stop buying DC's birthday presents?

I honestly could care less about my birthdays but I love buying for other people's, my mum is on a very limited income and she still sends money over for the children which I always appreciate and make sure she's spoilt throughout the year back.

I've just started instructing our 16yr old the art of gift giving and treating people you love and whom demonstrate love you back with little acts of service or small gifts.
My MIL dropped him off for a holiday in the Spring so I mentioned thinking about getting her a thank you gift on holiday which he did, she was really touched.

I think if there's a decrepensy then it would be fine to host a family meal for their birthdays or a trinket but not both.

I would be ashamed to still be receiving gifts and not reciprocate at their age.

You can’t really complain that they don’t buy you a gift when you told them not to!

I will never stop buying our children a gift, I would probably cut out the birthday meal but I’d still buy them a gift. My mum still buys me gifts(probably far too much) but it’s all appreciated and I buy her gifts too.

I was going to say YABU but then saw that your dc don’t buy you gifts so changed it to YANBU.

My daughters are 30-ish. I buy them a main present and a card and host some sort of celebratory meal out for the family for their birthdays.

When it's their partners' birthdays I send a card and money for a meal out for the two of them.

It's expensive but I view these precious times as memories the making.

My Nan died at 94, my Mum was 69, she still bought her presents!
My Mum still buys me presents, but this year will be different as she had a stroke and isn't able. It will be incredibly strange, and she'll be so upset she can't do as she usually would. I can't imagine a day when I think it's the right time to not treat my children.

My parents are substantially wealthier than me, so they are very generous at both Christmas and birthdays. But I still get them something, even if it’s just doing some baking at Christmas or a book I think they might like or whatever.

So really this is just a problem you have with your DSC.

You told your children to stop buying presents for you because they didn't? I don't get that. What's one got to do with the other?

Bizarre situation. Why don't the dsc buy him presents? Is it because he told them not to? Or because they never have?

I find it weird that you stopped your kids buying presents because his kids didn't, now want to stop buying all your kids presents because they don't buy you presents.

My mum died a few weeks before my 40th. On my 40th my dad gave me a gift of jewellery that had a label on top, with my mums hand writing. She had bought my presents months before. She wouldn't have ever stopped. My dad buys me gifts now nearly 3 years later.

I'm in my late 40s and still receive nice Christmas and birthday presents from my parents. I'd be upset if I didn't! I also give them very nice presents for birthdays, Christmases, their wedding anniversaries and so on. These days it's not so much about the expenditure, but the thoughtfulness of the present.

My parents still buy me presents at 39, but then all my (older) siblings and I buy for each other and we club together to get something really nice for our parents on their birthday - example would be a city break and posh meal.

Presents are usually around the £50 mark for us siblings so not a huge amount. We don't do adult Christmas presents. Also we're all married and spouses generally just get a birthday card from my parents and the spouses' parents respectively (in my case I do get a cheque for £20 from DH's parents but it's written to 'Mrs [DH's surname] and I haven't changed my surname, after DH mentioning this several times we've given up 😅 the thought is there!).

I would continue the presents but have a cost limit and stop doing the meals! That's excessive.

My two are grown up now and we still spoil them for their birthdays, and when it's our birthdays we also still spoil them and their partners.
We enjoy their company and they've all we got. It will be all theirs one day anyway.

I'm 33 and my birthday present from my parents was a bunch of flowers and some chocolates.
I don't need anything, flowers are pretty and I love chocolate. My in laws bought the same. Some years I get books or bookshop vouchers too.

Bless him my 5 year old thinks that adults get chocolate and flowers for their birthday as that's exactly what he chose for my dad's birthday last week and has said he wants to get mum in law next week.

I think it varies family to family, there isn't a right or wrong way.

Well you have to cut your coat according to your cloth. In our family, adult children get cash and a meal out, or a special meal cooked for them by me at home, which is often their preference. I think it's definitely the thought that counts but I would find it unthinkable to not give any present/cash to my children. My dad is 80 and always gets me and my children birthday presents and takes out for lunch. Mind you, we always do the same for him too.

My parents pretty much stopped getting me gifts when I had my own children and now just buy for them.
I do miss it a bit - it's not the money just having something thoughtful from them. But they've never been very good at sentimental things or displays of affection so it's just how they are.

Well I suppose if you told them to stop…
it’s up to you really. Can you make the gifts smaller and have a limit? It’s the thought that’s supposed to count. You obviously want to make them feel special.

I can’t believe they don’t get you anything! It needs to be two ways. We’ll be buying each other presents for life in my family.

Mine and dh’s parents still buy as gifts and were late 40’s but then we buy them presents too. I’d be really sad if it stopped.

I’ll always buy my children a gift, but I am thinking of reducing the spend a bit. My son’s 20th bday we had a day out with 2 paid activities and a meal out, plus £250 ish on gifts. That’s quite a lot, similar for eldest son and my daughter is still under 18. My mum gives me £40 for my bday, she really doesn’t need to but wouldn’t want to stop. So I think I’ll reduce my adult children to £100 gift soon and a meal, not activity too. 20yr old will be earning a full time wage from next summer so I don’t need to spend so much

I'm mid 40s, my mum bought me presents every year until her death last year.

what and they did?? They must have been looking for permission to stop anyway selfish gits.

I think you should stop giving as much as you do for sure, especially if they don't even get you a card, that's just pure selfishness. You don't give to receive but a tiny bit of mutual appreciation goes a long way.

Although saying that, my dad and my parents in law are a pain when we try and treat them, they act all indignant and make a bit show of saying no, and turn it into a back and forth argument as if they are offended by the very suggestion, it gets right on my nerves tbh, so if you ever do that then stop it.

I'm 47 and parents still buy me presents.
I do buy them presents though - (birthdays, Mothers/Father's Day and Christmas).

My parents are dead but they bought presents till they died. My PIL buy us both presents but don’t pay for a meal. I tend to cook for them now. And we buy them presents too.

The bottom line is that if you can't afford it then stop.

Ours are early 20s and we have no intention of stopping. My parents both died recently and they always bought their 4 daughters gifts at Christmas and birthdays, and gave money too. 2 of my sisters are over 60.

We bought them gifts too. Our adult kids buy us really thoughtful gifts, so it’s reciprocal. It’s really odd, OP, that your kids don’t give you gifts.

I don't ever intend to stop! My parents continue to buy gifts for me and my dsis, and we are both in our fifties! But we buy them gifts too, so it balances out.