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Original poster

To be annoyed with DP over cancelled holiday

138 replies

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 21:04

This has been a horrible year.

We can't have a normal summer holiday for various reasons, but DP and I agreed to take a special long weekend abroad in September. I got it all booked up a few days ago after a lengthy discussion over several weeks.

Today he told me that he forgot he had an immovable work commitment on the Thursday so we have to cancel??? He wants to rebook in the UK due to the shorter travel times.

He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence.

I'm extremely angry.

YABU: Give him a break and suck it up, travel in the UK

YANBU: What a knob

OP posts:
IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:44

But she doesn't need to miss out. It can be rescheduled.

A lot of women on here talking about this man like he's a naughty puppy or something. It's unpleasant to read.

Ratisshortforratthew · 20/08/2024 22:41

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:20

It's a genuine mistake, the replies on here about rewarding incompetence and stuff are just shitty. You're partners right? Shit happens, work around it.

even if it is a genuine mistake why should someone else miss out? A workaround is OP going on her own. I would absolutely send my partner off on holiday alone or with a friend if I fucked up last minute, or I’d cancel the work commitment. Last year I booked my partner a once in a lifetime holiday for both of us, but when we got to the airport his passport was nearly out of date and he wasn’t allowed to board. I went without him, he encouraged it!

Molga · 20/08/2024 22:39

This would be annoying but forgivable in my family. No one's perfect. Treat him as you want to be treated when you mess up.

Rhaidimiddim · 20/08/2024 22:31

Dies he do "calendar incompetence" (i.e. the kind of double booking where he scheduled two important meetings or events forvthe same time slot) at work? Or is it just domestic dates that he is blind to?

Does he have a PA at work, as well as at home?

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:20

It's a genuine mistake, the replies on here about rewarding incompetence and stuff are just shitty. You're partners right? Shit happens, work around it.

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:17

StormingNorman · 20/08/2024 22:16

My DH has a busy schedule so I always ask his diary manager to double check the dates he’s given me before booking. Then I put it in his diary and call the diary manager to re-confirm and have her accept the invite while I’m on the phone. Then we book.

It’s not infallible but it helps.

I'm amazed your husband has any admin assistance in this day and age. In my organisation, only super high level people have this.

Unfortunately I have to rely on DP to organise his schedule.

OP posts:
Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:16

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/08/2024 22:13

@libertybonds I suspect the work commitment has just appeared today! why else would he suddenly have remembered it? Sorry but I would consider getting rid of him if he is putting everything else before you, and that is before you have family! what the hell will he be like if you have family and he wants to escape for a day or two?

He is a very caring partner and very present for me and my child (which is not his child). He genuinely messed up.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 20/08/2024 22:16

My DH has a busy schedule so I always ask his diary manager to double check the dates he’s given me before booking. Then I put it in his diary and call the diary manager to re-confirm and have her accept the invite while I’m on the phone. Then we book.

It’s not infallible but it helps.

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:15

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:13

If I made a genuine mistake the last thing I'd expect my husband to do is drop me and go with someone else!

Can't you change dates together?

Maybe, but this was the perfect time to go

OP posts:
allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/08/2024 22:13

@libertybonds I suspect the work commitment has just appeared today! why else would he suddenly have remembered it? Sorry but I would consider getting rid of him if he is putting everything else before you, and that is before you have family! what the hell will he be like if you have family and he wants to escape for a day or two?

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:13

If I made a genuine mistake the last thing I'd expect my husband to do is drop me and go with someone else!

Can't you change dates together?

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/08/2024 22:11

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:05

This is true. I would definitely be planning it.

Show quote history

"He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence."

Regardless of how sorry he is and how disappointed he is - there has to be consequences for his actions/inactions. He has to feel those consequences, not you.

So I would second you going ahead on the planned holiday and he can follow on. Yes, he misses some of his holiday. Tough - consequences for his "calendar incompetence". There is no hope of him ever improving if he does not get to experience the consequences of fucking up. And this absolutely WAS a fuck-up on his part.

Doltontweedle · 20/08/2024 22:08

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2024 21:17

Can you go ahead and he can follow? Spend your first day doing something you'd like to do.

This. I wouldn’t normally recommend ‘punishing’ your partner in a relationship, or behaving childishly. But this really should be a natural consequence for him. The op goes on holiday when and how they were supposed to, he can sort himself out given it’s his silly and unnecessary mistake that fucked it up. And I wouldn’t be helping him with planning and booking extra flights

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:05

Awrite · 20/08/2024 22:03

Probably the best option.

Do not reward incompetence by cancelling and arranging a UK break. Lots of work for you.

Show quote history

This is true. I would definitely be planning it.

OP posts:
Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:04

@AnOldCynic it's an important team building exercise and if he wants to progress his career (and if I want him to) then he really needs to attend

OP posts:
AnOldCynic · 20/08/2024 22:03

Nobody is indispensable. What's the immovable work thing? Can't he just miss it?

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:03

I don't want his career to be impacted.

He really does care about my happiness, he's just fucking incompetent with planning his time.

He's really hopeless with practical matters and I kind of have to organise everything/remind him of stuff.

I think he's always been like this.

OP posts:
Awrite · 20/08/2024 22:03

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 21:29

I am considering doing this. Thank you for the suggestion.

Show quote history

Probably the best option.

Do not reward incompetence by cancelling and arranging a UK break. Lots of work for you.

rentersleaf · 20/08/2024 21:54

He doesn't care that you would miss out so you need to do the same. Go alone or take a friend. Show him only one person loses out when he fucks up - him!!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 20/08/2024 21:51

Why would it have to be rearranged for the UK? If you don't end up going, why can't you book another weekend abroad if he has plenty of notice?

Parkmybentley · 20/08/2024 21:51

Just go anyway? Why make yourself miserable? He is telling you with his behaviour loud and clear that he couldn't give less of a shit about going away. He doesn't want to. So just go yourself, you want to! And while there reflect on how you're with a man who doesn't give a shit about making you happy. Wouldn't be having DC with that

godmum56 · 20/08/2024 21:43

He's choosing work over you. Kick to kerb.

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 21:29

IrritableVowel · 20/08/2024 21:17

Can you go ahead and he can follow? Spend your first day doing something you'd like to do.

I am considering doing this. Thank you for the suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 21:24

Topseyt123 · 20/08/2024 21:22

You are not being at all unreasonable to be angry and disappointed with him.

You would not be at all unreasonable to leave him behind and go on the holiday on your own or with a friend.

Clearly he is not to be relied on and it sounds like he might have form for this sort of thing (calendar incompetence).

I'd rethink the relationship if he really can't get his act together. These sorts of things matter.

Tbh we have talked about having a child together. I'm really reconsidering given the seriousness of this mistake.

I won't break up with him as he is extremely sweet and kind and has many good qualities, but this is such a disappointment.

OP posts:
Whatever123456789 · 20/08/2024 21:22

I'd go without him too. Ffs, what a nightmare.

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