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Original poster

To be annoyed with DP over cancelled holiday

138 replies

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 21:04

This has been a horrible year.

We can't have a normal summer holiday for various reasons, but DP and I agreed to take a special long weekend abroad in September. I got it all booked up a few days ago after a lengthy discussion over several weeks.

Today he told me that he forgot he had an immovable work commitment on the Thursday so we have to cancel??? He wants to rebook in the UK due to the shorter travel times.

He says he is sorry and disappointed, but he has form for calendar incompetence.

I'm extremely angry.

YABU: Give him a break and suck it up, travel in the UK

YANBU: What a knob

OP posts:
Hateam · 21/08/2024 07:15

rentersleaf · 20/08/2024 21:54

He doesn't care that you would miss out so you need to do the same. Go alone or take a friend. Show him only one person loses out when he fucks up - him!!

That's a terrible principle to bring into a marriage.

Loopytiles · 21/08/2024 07:11

With a DC to consider it seems unwise to date - and consider having a DC with - a man who won’t organise stuff and does things like this that impact negatively on you.

How much would it cost you to cancel entirely? It not a lot I’d do that. Or again if costs not too much see if you have a friend with time / money / desire to join you If costs of cancelling or changing names are high I’d go alone and he can pay his half.

If he is unwilling to organise a flight to join you on Friday that’s poor IMO. I wouldn’t switch to a UK break.

StormingNorman · 21/08/2024 07:02

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:17

I'm amazed your husband has any admin assistance in this day and age. In my organisation, only super high level people have this.

Unfortunately I have to rely on DP to organise his schedule.

Show quote history

He has two. A diary manager and a PA. Unfortunately the PA also has access to his diary and puts stuff in without checking with the diary manager or even looking at what’s already booked. It’s a bit of a tug of war between them 🙄

One of the most recent examples…a two day conference in Europe in the middle of a week we had planned to be in another part of Europe. Then the rescheduled week is being cut short to accommodate a speaking engagement they forgot to actually put in the diary.

So I feel your pain.

ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane · 21/08/2024 02:33

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:13

If I made a genuine mistake the last thing I'd expect my husband to do is drop me and go with someone else!

Can't you change dates together?

But if you messed up it wouldn't be your husband dropping you! He'd just be going as planned!

ImAFemaleVersionOfRoyKeane · 21/08/2024 02:31

Go without him.

This will ensure he's not calendar incompetent again!

notanotheronenow · 20/08/2024 23:58

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:04

@AnOldCynic it's an important team building exercise and if he wants to progress his career (and if I want him to) then he really needs to attend

lol "important team building exercise" is such a contradiction in terms.

no team building exercise has ever been important in the history of humanity.

YellowAsteroid · 20/08/2024 23:56

He's really hopeless with practical matters and I kind of have to organise everything/remind him of stuff.

No, no, no, ! @libertybonds He's an adult. Let him fail - he'll learn quickly enough, if it's important enough.

And as others have said, don't marry him (sexually transmitted debt & money mismanagement) and certainly don't have DC with him.

Wait till you see him change - contrary to popular opinion, it is possible to change & learn better life habits.

WhichEllie · 20/08/2024 23:53

The bottom line is that he didn’t care enough about going away with you to bother checking his calendar. You can tie yourself in knots making excuses for him, saying how great he is, how considerate, how much he loves you and your child, but that is what it comes down to. It didn’t matter enough for him to bother checking, and now he wants it to be your problem.

Obviously you’d be insane to have a child with him. He is showing you who he is; believe him.

YellowAsteroid · 20/08/2024 23:31

Is he an adult or 6 years old? This is what psychologists call "learned helplessness."

He's relying on you to sort things out. Hand it ALL over to him:
cancellations
re-booking

And he takes the financial hit from his personal money.

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 23:26

AskZoltar · 20/08/2024 23:23

Just to point out that he will almost certainly continue with his diary incompetence for the rest of your lives together, especially as you already do the bulk of the planning. Consider this before you have a baby with him. Imagine if this was a family holiday that he'd fucked up.

I know.

OP posts:
AskZoltar · 20/08/2024 23:23

Just to point out that he will almost certainly continue with his diary incompetence for the rest of your lives together, especially as you already do the bulk of the planning. Consider this before you have a baby with him. Imagine if this was a family holiday that he'd fucked up.

PickAChew · 20/08/2024 23:19

IOnlyNeedTheSilence · 20/08/2024 22:13

If I made a genuine mistake the last thing I'd expect my husband to do is drop me and go with someone else!

Can't you change dates together?

Would you expect them to carry on indulging you if you repeatedly (and selectively) made such mistakes?

PickAChew · 20/08/2024 23:17

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:04

@AnOldCynic it's an important team building exercise and if he wants to progress his career (and if I want him to) then he really needs to attend

Yet he's utterly incompetent when it comes to spending time with you?

Blingu · 20/08/2024 23:14

Presuming he is lovely and caring, as you say then there are some of us who are proportionately shit at calendar and organisation stuff. I am a professional who is regarded as highly competent but everyone would also recognise that I am also the person who loses the laptops, gets locked out of my own building, turns up a week/hour early or late… I try really hard but I still mess up- for me, my nearest and dearest and just generally. I double booked my own birthday this year - without recognising that it was my own birthday. So I would cut him some slack. I adore my husband’s refusal to find me as irritating as I do.

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 23:09

lolit · 20/08/2024 22:59

I bet he's very competent at planning his time at work tho

Show quote history

I'm no male apologist, but I sincerely doubt it.

OP posts:
MSLRT · 20/08/2024 23:02

AnyThoughtsWelcome · 20/08/2024 22:56

So many threads about pathetic, incompetent men making their partners lives chaos.

OP definitely go on your own and he can follow. He needs some reprisal for his thoughtlessness and you do not deserve to put more work into this.

This.

TheBeesKnee · 20/08/2024 23:01

Zoflorabore · 20/08/2024 21:05

I would go without him!!

Absolutely

lolit · 20/08/2024 22:59

libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:03

I don't want his career to be impacted.

He really does care about my happiness, he's just fucking incompetent with planning his time.

He's really hopeless with practical matters and I kind of have to organise everything/remind him of stuff.

I think he's always been like this.

I bet he's very competent at planning his time at work tho

Letsgocamping67 · 20/08/2024 22:58

Stop making excuses for the useless twat. Maybe a nice £9.99 wall calendar. He’s not prioritising you or your child is he

AnyThoughtsWelcome · 20/08/2024 22:56

So many threads about pathetic, incompetent men making their partners lives chaos.

OP definitely go on your own and he can follow. He needs some reprisal for his thoughtlessness and you do not deserve to put more work into this.

Yousay55 · 20/08/2024 22:55

I’d go abroad without him and go away in the uk with him.

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:53

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness

But we can't push the whole thing back a day. Would have to be shorter

OP posts:
Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:52

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 20/08/2024 22:51

Could you just move it one day?

Yes, he initially suggested this and I shot it down. But then I reconsidered but he doesn't want to go for such a short time.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 20/08/2024 22:51

Could you just move it one day?

Original poster
libertybonds · 20/08/2024 22:51

Rhaidimiddim · 20/08/2024 22:31

Dies he do "calendar incompetence" (i.e. the kind of double booking where he scheduled two important meetings or events forvthe same time slot) at work? Or is it just domestic dates that he is blind to?

Does he have a PA at work, as well as at home?

I don't think this issue typically impacts him at work due to the nature of his job

OP posts:
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